To wonder if/why my neighbours don’t like me?

[Daftasever]

Moved into a terrace house (renting) a few months ago. I’m a quiet, private person, which hasn’t seemed to upset any neighbours in the past. However, I’m getting the impression from my current neighbours that wanting privacy is rude!

DP and I put up trellising on the back fence as it was very low, and neighbours/children frequent the access road at the back a lot. I don’t want people seeing me when I’m in my garden! A group of teenagers/young adults were mulling right outside our fence as we did this (talking and shouting vulgar things at each other, I might add). One of them looked over at us and gave me quite a dirty look. As if there was something wrong with us putting up the trellis?

A few weeks later, I was out in my garden, putting out my washing. I could just see through the gaps in the trellising that the lady in the house across was at her fence/gate, looking in my direction. I sort of smiled, but wasn’t sure if she could see. A few seconds later, I heard her say, “Nice to see who lives opposite,”. She said it in quite a snarky, sarcastic tone of voice.

Now tell me, am I under some sort of obligation to engage with people I don’t know, just because they’re my neighbours?! I suppose I’m just not neighbourly. It’s not as if I’m causing any bother, I just I like to keep myself to myself. Especially when renting, and the house/neighbours aren’t “permanent”, so to speak.

I wouldn't be too concerned to be honest. Maybe they did take offence at putting the trellis up. But it doesn't really matter if they did, it's your fence. Presumably it definitely is your fence?

Yes, definitely our fence, from the inside! Ha.

I think this doesn't have much to do with the trellis itself tbh.
The teenager? Eh. Which teenager doesn't sometimes make faces at adults in front of their mates.
The neighbour might have thought you should maybe introduce yourself. Some people like that. Some even expect that. Majority don't. Even if that one was about trellis, well. Her problem.
It's 2 little things, that's it. Don't give it any headspace and enjoy your garden

How pathetic of them.. yanbu

YANBU

Meh we live in a row of terraces and every garden had a 3 ft fence, meaning you could see right down 9 house lengths into gardens. We put up a 6ft fence and soon most neighbours followed.

Then moved into another 3ft fence terrace house. Put up 6ft and soon as we did the neighbours started to aswell.

So I think what I meant to say is that it’s probably just a change thing. The only people who still have the 3ft fences here and the older generations who have lived in these houses for years upon years

Ok, I think the general consensus is to not read into it too much!

My thinking was that maybe it’s considered incredibly rude not to talk to your neighbours, who knows. Previously, I’d never thought there was anything wrong with keeping to yourself!

@Cocobeanstalk The fences/gates here seem to be of varying heights. In fact, I think our gate was the shortest one!

Are they perhaps getting offended because you're apparently staring at them all the time to see all these times when they've been looking your way? Because they might have just completely misinterpreted your expressions/the fact you're looking over at them without yelling "hi" etc. Either keep to yourself and stop watching them all while you're outside or go and say hi.

@WhatTiggersDoBest Haha, could’ve been why in the teenager incident - they were arguing, and carrying on at each other, right outside our gate. It was hard not to look, when they were inches away from me, with very little self-awareness!

In the incident with the lady, I happened to glance up and see her (didn’t know she was there until I looked). Could’ve misinterpreted me still, who knows.

YANBU but to avoid similar situations my rule of thumb before changing fences in any way is to knock on all the neighbours doors, introduce yourself and tell them what you plan to do and ask if they have any concerns. It can reduce the opportunity for conflict.

@Applesandpears23 I know that’s the right thing to do if it affects someone else’s fence/garden, but this trellising is on our wide back gate, it doesn’t divide anyone else’s property xxx

I understand. People are crazy though so better to over consult.

Our neighbours moved in and erected two 8 foot fence panels. Previously there was a 4 foot wall.

They can do what they like obviously, but the fence is a horrible eyesore and I can’t lie we do resent them for it. Had they discussed it we wouldn’t have objected, just asked if they’d make it slightly lower.

We don’t want to be friends with them. I don’t think you can reasonably have that expectation just because someone lives in the house next to you. But when you throw up a large fence without discussion I think you’re setting a rather hostile tone.

I will say the fence is also stupidly ineffective as their small yappy dog can still get on out gather to pee up my garden furniture. I’m saving this one for now because if I go round there in my I resent mood there will be no coming back

Our neighbours since moving in have grown a 7 foot hedge around their property, put up a 7 ft fence where there isn't hedging. Put 9 cameras around 3 sides of their house😱. They copy alsorts of things, In fact it's become quite amusing to see them copy every single thing one of our other neighbours do or have. Neighbour 1 lived on a canal boat, so neighbour 2 lived on a canal boat, N1 moved next door to us, N2 then came to live at the other side of us, N1 got chickens, a tractor, a horse, a caravan, 2 gun dogs, so N2 got exactly the same right down to exactly the same breeds and colour dogs( this has pissed off N1). Since then they have copied our sofa including colour, plants in the garden with same colours and even our bath towels, the wife had copied my hair style and colour. Since Christmas they have been doing DIY in which they have been constantly drilling, hammering or making some other LOUD noise every weekend. Oh and this is because N1 got an extension built so N2 has now had to have one.