To just go into a room, lock the door and scream my head off?

[TheBadNeighbour]

I’m autistic and don’t like to socialise too often. My world is my dogs. I’ve just got a new puppy and she’s a handful, but I love her dearly. However, when she sleeps it’s like a newborn baby, I sneak about the house trying not to wake her up as it’s the only time I can get stuff done. My neighbour (who is lovely) is wanting to bring her son around to see the puppy daily. He’s a lovely boy but I’m getting s bit out of my comfort zone ... every day socialising is too much. I’m starting to freak out. I feel guilty saying no as he’s so lovely but I don’t know what to do. I mentioned I was taking her to training classes and now they want to come there with me too. My time with my dogs is precious and I take the training seriously, you have to with this breed and now I feel that it’s been a bit gatecrashed. I’ve offered to take the boy to the puppy playgroup with me as s compromise but I want/need to keep the training classes to myself.
I can’t handle it, feel like I’m going to have a meltdown but my neighbour and her son are so lovely I really don’t want to upset them but I can’t handle it every day like this.

She’s asleep at the minute and now someone else has said they’re on their way around to see her. I really can’t handle it

That sounds really difficult, OP. Does your neighbour know you have ASD? If so, I would just be honest and tell her that while you really enjoy their company, socialising everyday, even with people you really like is too much for you and makes you anxious. If she's a good friend she will understand. I'd certainly want to know if something I was doing was causing someone unecessary stress.

Just tell them no. ‘Sorry it does not work for me’ or ‘get your own dog’ or ‘I’m busy sorry, maybe another time’ will all work.

Of course a child can’t go to puppy classes. They will be a distraction. Tell your neighbour you’ve spoken to the organiser and they advised against non owners attending. As for them coming over, can you not explain you struggle with impromptu socialising? It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Do you work? Is this a school holiday thing?

Maybe with anyone, who wants to visit you could create a rule of visits in advance only. If you’re happy to have the boy over sometimes perhaps, organise a structured visit time at a frequency of your choosing so that you’re prepared.

Being autistic, I’m assuming the stress is as much about the lack of planning. But I may be off the mark.

Oh, you poor thing. I understand the way your autism makes you feel right now (I always score highly for autism myself, although I don’t have a diagnosis) but even if you didn’t have autism, they are being very imposing. It’s one thing to visit every day (too much) but to invite themselves along to training classes?

If they want to get involved with all these puppy activities, then they need to get their own bloody puppy!

Sounds like they want all the benefit of a dog, the fun stuff, without the hard work and responsibility of owning one.

If you don't set boundaries now OP it won't get better....

“ I’ll let you know when it’s ok to come round, I’m busy with the puppy etc “ or something like that.

It’s ok to say no OP

Your neighbour is out of order. It’s fine to say ‘No, the puppy needs to get settled in his new home.’ Maybe a short visit, at your convenience, once a week, but it’s her job to manage her child’s excitement/disappointment, not yours. Definitely say it’s advice from the Puppy-trainer Expert so that mitigates you being seen as a spoilsport, IYSWIM (not that you are).

Its ok to say no. No, the people who run the puppy class have asked for no onlookers (too distracting). No, you're a bit busy today, but they can pop round and see the pup another day. Bear in mind though, one day you might be glad of a dogsitter so it might be an idea not to antagonise them too much.