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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Reason I'm quitting?

33 replies

BlipBipel · 01/08/2019 12:27

NC.

TL:DR - I want to step down from my volunteer role at work because of a manager but don't want to tell him that. What reason do I give?

Long version
I volunteered for an extra role at work along side my actual job. Two other people do it too. It involves working with customers to order suitable equipment. I write a full report for each consultation. I've only ever had positive feedback from customers and internally. Budget isn't a concern but obviously I apply common sense.

The old lead left and the new one is driving me mad. He now insists on all orders going through him despite us having the authority to order ourselves. He never reads my reports but emails me for every order telling me off and making me justify it. He dislikes certain equipment so it is really difficult to get his OK on it. He has undermined me by telling customers different things to me without reading my report or even talking to me.

The last straw was on Monday. He called me into his office to have a go at me about an order HE misunderstood and then told me he'd ordered something completely different anyway. If he'd just spoken to me, it would have avoided all of this and he would have known the item he actually ordered is not suitable. Or he could have just stayed out of it. The customer will think I ordered it.

I don't know if he is like this with the other two volunteers and can't ask them. One is a gossip/trouble maker and the other works completely different shifts to me.

It's a volunteer role which doesn't affect my real job. I really enjoy it but I don't need the grief/distrust from him so have requested a meeting with him tomorrow to tell him I'm am stepping down. But what reason do I give him? I know I should be honest and tell him, it's his fault but that won't be helpful! I can't cite other work pressures because he knows my actual job doesn't have any. My job is very, very specific and limited so I can't give some rubbish about wanting to focus/develop it either.

I'll have to continue to work indirectly with him in my real job so I need to tread carefully.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 01/08/2019 12:29

Simply say you've decided to quit if this extra role is completely voluntary. You could always cite demands on your time if pressed for a reason.

ilovesooty · 01/08/2019 12:32

Sorry, pressed send too soon. Your other job may not have real pressures but you're having to give headspace to this voluntary work and it might not be something you want to do any longer.

It's a shame as you sound good at it.

Hooferdoofer37 · 01/08/2019 12:51

Just say:
"I need to give up my volunteer role with immediate effect as I have some personal commitments that I need to allocate more time to."

Shut down any further discussion with "I'm afraid it's personal, so I can't discuss."

Actionhasmagic · 01/08/2019 12:55

If you can it might be worth citing his behaviour in a tactful way so he thinks twice about how he treats the next person

ShinyMe · 01/08/2019 13:00

I would say something along the lines of "the role has changed considerably since I took it on, and I no longer feel able to continue."

Original poster

BlipBipel · 01/08/2019 13:06

@ilovesooty - he'll want reasons. He is very pushy.

@Hooferdoofer37 - that's good but he knows my mum personally and won't think twice about asking her in a "so how is the family? Is everything ok with Blip? She's seemed a bit stressed" way. I know, boundaries. She'll get stressed if she thinks something is wrong but she can't keep secrets so I can't tell her the truth either.

@Actionhasmagic - tact is not something I am gifted at. 🤣 My attempts at being tactful have got me into all sorts of bother in the past.

OP posts:

TixieLix · 01/08/2019 13:06

You don't have to give a reason. Just say inform him you will be stepping down as of XX date (give a little notice if possible) and that you've are grateful to have had the opportunity to contribute to this program. Or you could say it's for personal reasons. No need to go into detail.

Original poster

BlipBipel · 01/08/2019 13:07

@ShinyMe - yes maybe. Then if he asks how, I can say about the extra processes in place.

OP posts:

twoshedsjackson · 01/08/2019 13:09

I agree with PP's about citing other calls on your time; if it's personal, you have no obligation to discuss this further.
But it sounds as if your lead is building up a problem for himself. Why was this role voluntary, if it's so useful? If he rubs the other two volunteers up the wrong way, and they also cease to volunteer, will this impact the business? I understand your reasons for not being able to confer with them.
On the principle that "You never miss the water till the well runs dry", they might even have to find somebody to undertake the work, who will be remunerated for their time and trouble. At which point, you might reconsider doing it for actual payment........

Original poster

BlipBipel · 01/08/2019 13:09

@TixieLix - he will push for reasons.
Because there are 2 other volunteers I don't think I'll leave them shorthanded but I'm happy enough to stay on for a specified time if they want to train someone up.

OP posts:

mussolini9 · 01/08/2019 13:10

Why on earth can't you simply state that you are resigning as a volunteer because his micromanaging is ineffective, blundering, & unnecessary?

TixieLix · 01/08/2019 13:12

If he's going to be very pushy then be honest with him. Say you got a lot of fulfilment from doing the job in the past, but you don't feel you have the autonomy to complete the role in the way you did previously so you're not enjoying it as much.

Clangus00 · 01/08/2019 13:13

Exactly. Tell the truth.

mussolini9 · 01/08/2019 13:13

Sorry - have now seen line re: "work indirectly with him in real job" so ...

Talk to the next person upline from Mr Incompetent about resigning from the voluntary role, tell them why, & ask them to look out for your interests/mentor you in the real job.

elessar · 01/08/2019 13:17

You should be honest, but tactfully. I would just say you feel there's a conflict between how he likes to manage this role and the way you work most effectively. He'll probably push for more detail and then you can simply say you previously had more autonomy and prefer this, but he clearly likes to be more hands on and as such you have incompatible working styles.

Troels · 01/08/2019 13:17

I'd say I'm stepping down as I am no longer enjoying the role and want to concentrate on other things outside work instead.
If he pushes, say that his micromanaging style is so different to the last manager and has changed the role.

Original poster

BlipBipel · 01/08/2019 13:17

@twoshedsjackson - it isn't something they would ever pay someone to do. It varies month by month but probably 2/3 days a month in total for all 3 of us but it is very responsive so if an issue comes up in the morning, it needs to be dealt with that afternoon.

I do enjoy it and am sad to step down but I don't need the checking and challenging for every single thing. I've had a job where I was micromanaged and I'm not willing to put myself into that position again.

OP posts:

twoshedsjackson · 01/08/2019 13:29

I see what you mean; what a shame, when you previously enjoyed it.
You say that there are two other volunteers, so they won't be left shorthanded, so I guess it might be wise to bail out before they do! Pass the parcel on before the music stops!
Sounds as if the gossip/troublemaker is on the same shifts as you, so they will be around when the swift response is needed, and the other volunteer will be in place at other times. Especially as you've already said that you'd be happy to help train up a newbie. Or maybe, shock horror, he'll find that all three volunteers have stepped aside, and he has to deal with it himself.

Weezol · 01/08/2019 13:40

Do exactly what Hooferdoofer37 suggests.

He may well want reasons, but that doesn't mean you have to give any.

If he bangs on: 'I have told you it's personal. Please stop asking me about it. I find it intrusive'. Rinse and repeat until you're out of there.

Have a fixed date in mind for when the volunteering will end and stick to it. Don't get hoovered back in. You need boundaries of steel as a volunteer.

MulticolourMophead · 01/08/2019 13:45

Talk to the next person upline from Mr Incompetent about resigning from the voluntary role, tell them why, & ask them to look out for your interests/mentor you in the real job.

Agree that this might help.

flouncyfanny · 01/08/2019 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Geschwister4 · 01/08/2019 13:56

Him asking your Mum is completely unacceptable and if he does that I would certainly report him to whoever he reports to. Also, you are entitled to have personal issues that your Mum does not know about . I agree with others, just because he may want reasons it does not mean you have to give them. Even if it were a paid position you would be within your rights to resign and not give a reason why.

CatG85 · 01/08/2019 14:11

Yeah just say it's changed a lot, you don't enjoy it any more and job satisfaction is important to you.

Derbee · 01/08/2019 14:34

TixieLix 1st and 2nd posts are perfect, IMO.

If it’s voluntary and you’re no longer enjoying it, you can stop. You
Don’t owe anyone anything

ThePants999 · 01/08/2019 14:34

You really should be honest, just find a good way to phrase it. Everyone will be better off if he learns the lessons you want him to learn.

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