To be sick and tired of my dad always doing at least one thing to upset me?

[Maria53]

My mum and dad separated when I was 2 but I have always had a fantastic relationship with him. I was always a 'daddy's girl'.

But the last couple of years have been difficult. We had 2 fights. During a trip with other family members for example, he did nothing to help around the house and made a selfish comment about his own welfare when a relative had just collapsed in a restaurant. By the end of the trip he was swearing at me and we fell out for the first time in my life at 27.

Well to make it up to me we went on a short trip together. Although I was unwell because I am battling endo atm everything was going well until the last morning. We had agreed to check out of the hotel and then go for breakfast together at nearby cafe. In the end he took himself for breakfast in the hotel and left me to get something by myself.

Yesterday we had a nice time, went to the cinema and for dinner. He showed me family photos I hadn't seen before. We said we might go for breakfast in the morning IF we were up in time and felt like it. But last night my period unexpectedly started again and I was back to feeling unbelievable fatigue. I over slept by 30 mins and he said 'so you had a dig at me about the breakfast on holiday and now you're not up in time'??' to pick a fight.

Why? Why does some comment or thoughtless action always have to be made? I love my dad but I am getting really sick of it.

In his eyes it probably looked like you were being passive aggressive in return for his actions on holiday. If you have such a good relationship you could have sent him a quick text to let the know the breakfast is off as you aren't feeling well.

2 comments in two years is hardly 'fights' .

Certainly last night/this morning, you overslept therefore didnt text him to tell him you were late, and he's not a mind reader. You're making a massive mountain out of this particular mole hill, it's a throwaway comment.

It takes two to have a row.

Always? What a monumental over reaction.

My dad recently started saying repeatedly ‘Your brother is really interested in your granddaughter’. He must have said it over a hundred times in the last month. I told him to stop because it made my brother sound like a paedophile. He reported this to my brother as me saying brother was a paedophile. Hence brother and I will probably never speak again (we have never been close) and father is ‘siding’ with brother and not speaking to me.
I understand you dad is annoying. But develop some resilience if you can because they get worse as they get older.

No we've had 2 massive arguments that culminated in not speaking. He also fell out with another relative that was sick of his selfish behaviour.

I am in the same house as him, didnt have to text him. I am visiting over summer.

I'll give you the restaurant example. My aunt collapsed in a restaurant and I spent a long time with her in the bathroom. Instead of paying the bill and sorting it out, when she appeared he asked her for her half of the bill!! The last two times we have spent time together I have been struggling due to endometriosis. He knows I have this but still makes comments when I am not up to doing things.

barry - I am thinking this is what it is. Getting older. My mum who is still friends with my dad says that although she is found of him he is becoming more like his father who was a very selfish person in old age.

So you had a date with him but you didn't turn up ? I would have got upset too - that was rude.

I have seen this in people as they get older ...becoming very focused on their own short-term interests, other people's concerns and issues are dismissed as trivial
My advice is to back away slowly, disengage and leave him to it, he's not going to get any better and if you keep struggling with him you will just end up getting locked in until the bitter end

I was staying at his house last night because I did not feel well and didnt feel up to the journey home. We said we could go to breakfast if I was up and felt up to it.

He actually apologised for having a go at me this morning. He then asked me to go on holiday with him later this year. I feel bad because I dont want to - I usually go with friends or my boyfriend and dont mind a short break with him- but no more.

I love him but feel the coming years will be him wanting more time than I am willing to give and upset when it doesnt happen.

Wow @Whosorrynow what a fount of compassion you are. Yes the answer to beloved parents getting older and more inflexible is definitely to fuck off and leave them to it. Drop them the moment they can no longer meet your high standards if you are a self-interested cunt.

Thanks Barbarianmum 😊
I should reign it in a bit and focus on myself a bit more shouldn't I 🙈

No doubt most of us would lean in and help our beloved parents but what about the parents who have been self interested cunts all their lives?

Where does the OP say he's been a self-interested cunt all his life? It seems from her posts he was always a beloved dad.

He was always a beloved dad but has changed in the last couple of years. Became more angry, having outbursts, something that never happened on hol. He called me a 'f'ing bastard' and stormed off when I asked him to stop being on Facebook at lunch and have a conversation.

He is becoming more selfish as he gets older. For years he has lived by himself and is used to it. But I also know he loves me. I dont think Whossorrynow is suggesting I ditch my dad, but I may need to distance myself some. He talks about himself all the time and that can be v frustrating at times.