Only children and Summer Holidays

[Namechangenumber56]

DD always gets upset at the start of the holidays. She loves school and despite all my best efforts, gets lonely. I arrange activities, playdates, courses and she's going on a week's camp. She misses out on all of those other times of just messing about at home.

She's always longed for a sibling, so it's s time when she is constantly reminded of this. Unfortunately, after years of trying, that's not going to happen now.

How do other people's only children get on and what ideas do any parents have to help make summer more enjoyable?

There's an AIBU in there somewhere.

I struggle with this too. My DD is 9 and gets lonely at home (sometimes) but finds holiday camps overwhelming.

We have chosen not to have any more children as it really doesn't fit our lifestyle (partner works overseas in the week) I'm happy with this decision but holidays can be hard and make me feel guilty.

I try to make sure she gets plenty of time with other family members (cousins) and I also try to make sure she gets some quality 1on1 with me.

How is she?

I'm an only, and grew up in a fairly small town (there were 19 in my primary school class and half of those lived in outlying villages). I still had friends I did stuff with all the time during school holidays.

That should have been how old is she?!

She's 8.

My DD (she is an adult now) is an only, I split from her father when she was very young and he sadly died not long after we split .

I worked FT over the summer so she spent vast amount of time in holiday programmes - which she enjoyed, got to spend time with friends.

I would organise play dates at the weekend, we lived near the beach os family friends were always keen to come out. The odd sleep over too, she had an extra circular activity every Sunday.

I would go spend spend a week with my brother, his ex step children were the same age as DD so they could play together.

TBH there is not much else I could do, it is what it is. You sound like you have made heaps of effort OP.

It is tough, I do feel some guilt but at the end of the day it was out of my control.

FWIW OP, my DD has said she had a very happy childhood even though she was an only.

FWIW OP, my DD has said she had a very happy childhood even though she was an only.

Worth a lot. Thank you!

I am an only child and my mum was a single parent so had to work a lot. I think she took a week or two off and the rest of the time I was with friends, at clubs and I had a week with my dad. Does she have any school friends who are an only or who have much younger or older siblings? Could organise a few play dates

I am a single mum so my daughter (7) goes to holiday clubs, spends time with her dad and family members, hangs at home.

She has never asked for a sibling and seems content being an only.

I think the children who thrive being an only child are the ones with the more pro-active and outgoing personalities.

I'm an only child and don't remember ever feeling lonely in the summer holidays. I remember playing out a lot with kids who lived on the same street, I remember having sleepovers and playdates with friends from school and days out with one/both of my parents. But I also spent time at home reading, drawing, watching films, doing craft projects or baking with my mum and was quite happy with that. I think it's important for kids to be able to amuse themselves sometimes, to learn to cope with unstructured time and not get used to being entertained 24/7 but I appreciate this is difficult when they're used to being busy every day at school.

If your DD is bored could you look online for a craft or science project that you could do together? Something that you can spread out over a few weeks?

It's a real positive that she loves school so much and its great that she's willing to go to camps. Shows real independence and gives you lots of options as she gets older.

All parents and children find it hard to fill the summer. All kids get bored and most siblings fight so the grass isn't necessarily greener.

It sounds like you're doing a great job.

I was an only but I loved my summer holidays because I didn't have to see people from school. Had a few play dates lined up, family time on holiday and a few days out. Choosing and planning days out were my favourites. Otherwise, I'm a book worm and was fortunate to have a parent at home so I could read all day- wouldn't have coped at a camp!

@Namechangenumber56 if it helps I’m an only and a had a great childhood. My DD is an only too and she says she loves it. We have a close bond, spend one on one time together, and she just arranges lots of things with friends.

That’s the trick I think. Friends were a big part of my childhood and they are to DD now. I think it gets easier when they are older and their independent social live las start to form.

I don't think it's just only children who struggle with the holidays. I work full time and am a single parent so my (10 yo) son spends the holidays being shuttled to the childminder (mostly) the odd playdate and some football camps.
He doesn't get that messing around at home time either.

FWIW I have two. Mine don't get on or hang out together. They never have (the eldests fault, not the youngests - he'd love to have a brother that likes him)

I can count the times they have played together on one hand, and they are 12 and 9. So a sibing isn't necessarily the cure. Grass isn't greener in our case.

I have an only child and I used to arrange something for every single day , even if it was just a planned picnic in the park. Luckily he loved going to ‘organised’ activities, such as sports camps, church holiday clubs, PGL holidays, Cub Camp etc etc. I never forget the time I took him to a council run scheme, he was the only child there (it was totally free !,). He got great one to one care but how odd no one else used it. .

Now he is off to uni but he has developed into a really self confident young person, this week he was helping to run a holiday club for children (volunteering) and he happily gets involved in all sorts of sports, joining teams as a complete ‘new’ person just for the love of the sport.

Keep your DD busy and ask her for her ideas (just not having a sibling), have you got family/friends she would like to stay with for a few days?

I am an only child and don't really remember struggling. My mum was a STAH mum, so we did do quite a few things together. However at your daughter's age I would also just play out lots in the street with other kids who lived nearby, occasionally meet up with friends from school, etc.

It sounds like you're doing a great job organising things for her, but I do wonder if she has the opportunity to just play outside/with neighbours' kids without it being a pre-arranged activity? Of course, she can do unstructured activities at home that don't require the involvement of other kids (crafts, etc), but she might value the opportunity at unstructured interactions with others also.

If anything, I found my early teens (11-14) slightly more difficult. Friends from secondary school lived further away, and most families started to go on longer holidays. It was also an age where just playing on the street, or inside with barbie dolls, didn't appeal any more. For those years, summer camps were a real blessing, so it's great to see you're supportive of her attending summer camp.

My daughter is an only (8 in September) and the thing that she struggles with not being at school is the lack of structure.

We both work full time so she is off to holiday club 4 days a week and 1 day with the in-laws. I print the schedule out at work for her and we try to establish a new routine for the holidays with a plan for evenings/weekends so that she knows what is happening. Without that new routine she really struggles, the in-laws even tell her what they are doing week to week in a broad sense.

She asked for a sibling for a while - then went on a play date where her friend has two siblings 3 years and 4months old - came home saying she never wanted me to have a baby so that she can have peace and quiet 🤣😂🤣

Do you have any friends/family members who are working parents and have kids a similar age? Cos I've got to say, if you offered to look after their kid for a week to give DD someone to play with, most would probably bite your hand off.

They might even return the favour and look after DD for the next week. But even if they didn't, DD would get a sibling for a week, and you would have banked massive brownie points with your sister/brother/cousin/DD's best friend's mum, which might be useful next time you need someone to watch DD for the afternoon.

FWIW, I have 2, and they didn't play with each other, so its not an only child thing!

One of mine loves his own company, and was happy to read, watch movies, play lego, draw etc and generally amuse himself for the most part, with a few playdates, trips out etc thrown in.

The other loved to be playing with someone most of the time, and so she had, by 8, developed a good circle of friends locally and they were all in and out of each others houses, playing together. I organised some formal play dates and days out, but mostly it was the informal playing together at that age - summer holidays meant a buzz of children traipsing in and out, a garden full of kids in the paddling pool, or all calling for each other before heading off to the local park etc.

Does your daughter not have local friends she can hang with? Not necessarily her school friends if they don't live close, but other children of a similar age in the surrounding streets etc.

I could have written this word for word. It is heartbreaking.

We both work FT so holidays are a mix of time with us and time staying with various relatives. I’ve managed to get all of August off, but I’ve had to fill it with trips and stuff.

It is definitely a structure thing. Have you tried sitting with her and coming up with day plans? That really helps DD.

Yabbers and the other person who suggested writing day plans: thank you we're doing just that!

Are there local kids to play out with? My 9yo DS plays every day with kids who live in the neighbouring houses. They do all go to the same school but they are not in the same years or usually friends. They just fill each other's time in the holidays.

DD is an only, aged 6. I took last week off and we had a few days at the beach and a few days in London. So far she's spent time with her father doing stuff, had a double sleepover at the GPs and seen a bit of her cousin.
She will go to the drop in hour at the gym tomorrow and next week when I'm in class (I work at home and can fit the gym around work). We have a few playdates lined up and she'll do a bit of baking, craft etc. Ok off in the last week and we'll have some day trips.
She seems quite happy. She's very outgoing and we will probably send her to some camps next yr but at present she doesn't feel the need.

My 6 year old is an only child, I grew up with 4 siblings and always wanted a large family but ended up having only one. I was always worried that he was going to be lonely and sad. To add to that, I decided to home school for various reasons.
Despite all this, DS is super happy, has a few really good friends and is a very outdoorsie kid. It does help that he goes to gymnastics and we do a lot of stuff during the holidays. He's well socialised, confident, (a bit clingy when I'm home maybe) well spoken, polite and not lonely at all despite playing alone quite a bit.
I think you're doing awesome.

It's a long slog through 6 weeks. DS is 13 now and no friends live near. I survive by odd days at sport camp and climbing activities. No car , DH only got last week of holidays off as it's his busiest time of the year at work. Constant battle to get ds away from screens