Talk me down: finding a cool professional response to CF at work

[Waytooearly]

I volunteer sometimes in a professional capacity. I do it because I want to and I enjoy it, and I do it under the auspices of "Way from X firm" as it also increases visibility for my firm.

I volunteered a couple of months ago on a Sunday at a community centre, everyone was happy, it went well. The organisers asked me t come back in July, saying it would likely be such-and-such date.

I emailed mid-July, saying, "So we still on for x date? What time?" I didn't hear back so left it.

Last night I got woken up at 10:30 by a text from one of the organisers. She aogised for the misunderstanding and told me that the next session would be x Sunday in August and that she'd tell families I'd be there.

And as part of background she forwarded a screenshot of earlier text exchange wherein some of the organisers were asking where I'd been in July, one of the texts said, "Well I'd thought she would've remembered". Wow.

I haven't responded. I am honestly thinking to just text back a cool, "Not available thanks". But at the same time this s a good link for me and my firm to have, and I don't want to be seen publicly as throwing toys out of pram. But at the same time their CF needs to be nipped in the bud.

What would you do?

I would honestly ignore that comment and carry on as normal. The woman shouldn’t have sent you the screen shot; it’s not worth making an issue of it.

Ensure that any future email is set so you get a notification it is read. I can understand your annoyance as although you were volunteering in your professional capacity they hadn't confirmed the date as requested.

It sounds from the apology re the mix up that they now realise they'd not confirmed the date as you'd requested. I think you have to let it go and if it's mentioned by anyone at the next meeting say it's unfortunate the organisers hadn't confirmed the previous date as you'd been available and were looking forward to attending.

Good response. When you next see her in person, I would pull her aside and ask why she sent you the screenshot, as you found it puzzling and a little disappointing to see that you were being discussed as unreliable, in view of the fact that you had attempted to confirm and hadn't heard back. You should hopefully get an apology at that point.

I might also have a word with whoever coordinates volunteering at your firm, just in case anyone takes it upon themselves to complain about your supposed unreliability (stranger things have happened).

I agree, not worth making a fuss over.

bellabasset - I wouldn't do that - I find requests for read receipts intrusive and always decline to send one.

"Talk me down" is quite the over-reaction. I see you've replied now but surely a breezy "There must have been some mix-up, I never received confirmation" would have sufficed.

Yeah I was breezy. I have no idea why it's pissed me off so much. Just had a critical mass of CFery this week.

I hope you signed it off with "Warm Regards".

Waytooearly - what a weird thing to get pissed off about. If I do not get a response to an e-mail I have sent to someone I know is relying on me, I tend to assume the e-mail might have gone into someone's spam mail, or been missed and will send a follow up. I will also check my own spam mail.

Would you have done nothing to follow up on this if you were being paid for it? Yes, it is annoying knowing people who have acted unprofessionally themselves might think that you were a bit unprofessional, but in all honesty, I don't think sending one casual e-mail, never chasing it up and letting a date pass without comment was particularly professional behaviour on your part, either. If you want to be treated as a professional, you should act like one, even when not being paid to do so.

Have a good day Walk

I would have sent a follow up email - I know people can be busy and sometimes misunderstand things or maybe they didn't get the email.

They were out of line sending you the screenshot of messages - that's just unkind.

It sounds like a bit of a misunderstanding that no one's talking about openly so maybe there's a conversation that needs to happen.

My advice (if you want it) would be don't give up on it yet. It could still turn out to be a really good experience for you and if it's a charity, sometimes they're just a bit chaotic, but I think that's possibly par for the course with voluntary work.

Cock up rather than conspiracy, on their part.

Charities can be a bit chaotic and their volunteers (long term ones, trustees etc) can be a bit blinkered and martyrish - they put in vast numbers of hours and don't see a clear divide between the professional and personal, as they don't have one themselves.

Rise above but be clear and firm in your communications.

I know you've done it but... I'm freelance and often encounter CFs like these, acting like I've failed to do/send something when actually, they gave me vague info, told me they would confirm, then I ASKED them to confirm, heard nothing so left it.

I also need not to get angry / piss off contacts so I usually go with a very relaxed, friendly, but crystal clear explanation. Such as "I'm sorry you were expecting me to turn up in July. It wasn't that I didn't bother: just that I never had a firm date or time. I emailed on (DATE) asking for a date and time to be confirmed, but I didn't receive a reply so wasn't able to go ahead. My apologies if someone did reply and I somehow missed it - maybe you could check so we can make sure this doesn't happen again?"

This will be after I've checked my spam/junk/email history thoroughly so I know they didn't reply. It usually results in them checking, and red-faced apologies. I can then be gracious, they'll be grateful and the relationship can proceed. I have one in the bank as they know they messed me around, not vice versa, and they try to get their act together.

Whereas if you have a snippy tone, they will get defensive and it's harder to reconcile.

Even if I'm cutting ties with them I do this, because you never know when you'll come across the same people again in a new job or whatever and you might need them on side.

Yes that's the tone I took, like too bad I never heard back from you, looking forward to next time though!

They were out of line sending you the screenshot of messages - that's just unkind.

Personally I'd rather know if there was someone giving me stink-eye behind my back.

Unkind my arse, that woman did OP a favour letting her know who the gutless sniper was.