My MIL is constantly having a go at us for the way we manage work and raising our DD.
Since DD was born, my DP and I have shared care for her, through some unexpected and quite difficult circumstances as we both ended up out of a full-time job at the same time. It hasn't been easy. DP got a new job, and so I gave up my part-time job, and have been DD's main carer. We've moved 150 miles, so I can't go back. I've found it a great privilege being home with DD, but it's been hard work as I've been finishing some work as a freelancer, and working hard to stay competitive. That's all paid off as I've now been offered a good job.
We have worked a lot of hours in the last two years. DP went back to work only six months after DD was born, and I've had stretches of working full-time while caring for DD for upwards of 20 hours in the working week.
MIL constantly tells us how we're working too hard and we're selfish to keep working. She constantly tells DP to take more time off, or find a better job. Every time we've had good news - eg. that one or other of us got a new job, or that DP got a pay rise - she isn't interested. She keeps telling us that when she had children, she prioritised them and didn't work so many hours. DP is going down to four days a week when I start my job, out of choice. This puts additional financial strain on us, but MIL has been very clear it is only fair for DP to have some 'time off' with our toddler. I don't disagree, but I feel frustrated that all the emphasis is on DP, because I thought it was about our DD's needs and letting her get used to long days at nursery. I am worried that the implication now is that even if DD were happy in nursery for full days, DP would 'deserve' to work less than full time, and I should also aspire to work less than full time, in order to be a good parent.
I feel really frustrated that I can't seem to explain why we need to work, and why we might actually feel good about it. AIBU? What would you feel?