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AIBU?

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Original poster

Selling my mum's house for care home fees.

78 replies

Yarisalpaca · 31/07/2019 17:52

My mum is unable to live in her house anymore so it has to be sold to pay her fees at care home. She is in a very good home and happy there, she has dementia.

The house has been on the market for 3 days for £210,000 and already has 2 offers. The best offer is £204,000 which the estate agent thinks is good.

That offer is subject to us agreeing to remove the house from anymore viewings. Is that normal but I find I feel annoyed at this and I haven't a clue why because the house needs to be sold!

How would anyone else feel about this?

OP posts:
BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 31/07/2019 23:33

That last paragraph Yaris was so sad it must have been heartbreaking for you and your mum.

Dowser · 31/07/2019 23:33

Not in my area they don’t..unless councils only pay£250 a week for care home residents

endofthelinefinally · 31/07/2019 23:38

Looks like you were fortunate Dowser.
I have managed 2 sets of elderly parents/PIL through the process, and the rules were identical in 2 different areas at opposite ends of the UK.

Actual cost of care home place = £700 per week.
LA funded for residents with no assets except state pension = £500 pw.
Self funded resident paid £900 plus any state pension, attendance allowance.
All explained to me by the matron/manager in each home.
5 homes in total.

dylanthedragon · 31/07/2019 23:41

OP, it is so difficult seeing parents age and going into homes. I can completely understand why your mum's parting words at her home floored you.

I think your frustration and upset at the situation may be misdirected towards the people that made you the offer. It's a very normal condition to place when you feel you've made a strong offer and something I've done in the past. Saying that, as the vendor, I don't think you should accept it if there are more viewings booked in and the house has only been on for a couple of days. They want it tied up because they know there is likely to be more offers come in.

I hope the sale goes ahead smoothly for you and your mum settles well into the home.

hadthesnip2 · 31/07/2019 23:44

Take the money now. Dont wait for a better offer. It might not come & you need the care home fees asap.

Spermysextowel · 31/07/2019 23:54

2 offers in 3 days is pretty good, & the highest isn’t ridiculous e.g. £195k which suggests the prospective buyer knows that £210k is reasonable. Remember that the difference in commission for the agent for an extra £6k doesn’t make as much difference as an extra £4K towards care fees would to you.

As previous pps have said I’d wait for a while. Yes, on Location Location.. they’re always asking for a property to be taken off the market based on their buyers’ ‘strong position’ but sometimes we then see that sadly they pulled out for various reasons. You need to be hard-nosed & put emotion aside (though what you’re going through is tough).

Best of luck.

cuppycakey · 31/07/2019 23:56

I think we all have to accept that we have to use our assets to pay for care. The ageing demographic would place an unworkable burden on our current and future workforce otherwise.

I agree with PP - just wait for a few more viewings in case someone offers a bit more and then accept the best offer and cross fingers for a smooth and speedy sale.

I do feel for you Flowers

NormanChrist · 01/08/2019 00:18

OP call an IFA and get some proper advice on funding long term care. Posters often offer well meaning but bad advice, don’t use these forums as a way of making such important decisions.

Re the EA asking you to take the property off the market, yes standard practice once an offer is accepted.

Brain06626 · 01/08/2019 01:59

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GooseberryJam · 01/08/2019 09:19

as self funding can still claim attendance allowance

Can you do this? I thought that attendance allowance was only paid if you were still in your own home and stopped on going into a care home.

Dowser · 01/08/2019 09:29

Yaris...a thought came into my head as I was settling down for sleep
Did your mum live alone ? If she lived alone And had a diagnosis of dementia And qualified for attendance allowance...then she should not have paid council tax.

I found this out after my mum had died. She had timed out...you have 6 years in which you can claim but I pushed and said I should have been made aware of this when the LA did their financial assessment

I got over £2000 back.
I told my cousin in London as she is caring for my other aunt but aunt still lives alone and she got £8000 back

They don’t tell you about this. I was never rushed into selling mums house. I kept the other one as a rental . Luckily there was enough money in the pot to pay mums shortfall.
5 months after my mum passed away that tenant left for a council house and I decided to sell. It needed a complete overhaul before reletting it so I just let it go.i didn’t have the heart to do it.
...and did something nice with the money.
I bought a second hand static caravan and this week I got a new car. I thank mum and auntie every day for making this possible

If you wanthelp to see if your mum qualifies for chc do give me a shout

Dowser · 01/08/2019 12:08

gooseberry
Aa only stops if your loved one is funded by LA
Also state pension I believe
When mum passed away we owed £12k in care fees
If I’d sold mums house..it would not have been enough to cover the £95k care bill
So it’s often on a LA best interests to let you rent it and defer payment

Alsohuman · 01/08/2019 12:24

It’s a fact of life that we have to pay for care at the end of our lives. This means, for most of us, selling our houses. After all, if we’re in residential care, we don’t need them any more. I’m very pleased that my house represents the ability to be choice to be cared for in a decent home and not whatever shithole the local authority deems fit for me, should it be necessary. I’d be intensely pissed off if my kids were trying to find ways round it.

GooseberryJam · 01/08/2019 12:43

Did your mum live alone ? If she lived alone And had a diagnosis of dementia And qualified for attendance allowance...then she should not have paid council tax.

Really? I didn't know this either and this is my dad's situation! I am really going to have to look into this. Thanks Dowser for this and the attendance allowance information. I think a phone call to the council is on the cards.

endofthelinefinally · 01/08/2019 12:46

Alsohuman
It isn't that we wanted to avoid selling for selfish reasons, it is because the value of the house might cover a couple of years fees, then what happens?
The resident faces being chucked out of a home that they have got used to, they might end up somewhere really awful.
Mil's money ran out after 2.5 years. She lived a further 3 years. We had to top up her fees in order to keep her where she was. While working full time and supporting DC at university.
The alternative was a move to a cheaper home that had a bad reputation.
We rented my dad's flat out because he had a good pension. MIL didn't have a private pension.

Alsohuman · 01/08/2019 12:51

That’s a different issue @endofthelinefinally. The proceeds of a sold house running out is very sad indeed, I feel for you. It’s not the same as trying to wriggle out of it.

endofthelinefinally · 01/08/2019 12:57

Average care home fees in London 10 years ago were £52k per year.
Mil's tiny flat sold for £180k.
Care homes generally take a mix of self and state funded residents. They need to in order to balance the books. Sometimes a self funder can't stay put if they run out of money.

middleeasternpromise · 01/08/2019 13:04

Very few houses get asking prices in the current climate most buyers expect to get something off - the taking off the market depends on the strength of the buyers offer. They don't want to start paying out for surveys etc whilst you are still showing to other vendors. If they aren't in a strong position then by all means don't take it off the market. A sale isn't a sale until its done so don't count the cash just yet - esp if they are issues on the survey and the buyer tries to reduce the price by more. I would be keeping your mind in a business frame if you can - letting the buyer know you will take it off the market but any delays/unreasonable demands you will put it straight back on as you have a keen market.

If the house holds a lot of special memories it can be very hard but perhaps you could take some lovely pictures to remind you of it whilst everything is insitu and select some memory items that would mean something to you and your mum.

Take the memories with you hopefully it will make a lovely home for another family. Try and see the positives that the property is so well liked that you can sell it easily, much worse if its a hard to sell and you have to let it go for next to nothing.

Andysbestadventure · 01/08/2019 13:05

Do NOT sell OP. Rent it as serviced accomodation and your mum's disability allowance will cover part of the balance and then the care fund/council will cover the remainder. If you then have to sell after she has passed you will only pay a small amount compared to 100% and then having to move her again or pay top ups.

Alsohuman · 01/08/2019 13:09

It doesn’t work like that @Andybestadventure.

Malbecfan · 01/08/2019 13:15

OP, I'd be back to the EA asking if the prospective buyer could leave the offer on the table until after the weekend, when hopefully the other 3 have viewed. Alternatively, see if they would meet you halfway, i.e. up their offer to £207k and you will take it off the market on condition that the survey was booked immediately and the EA had checked their financial status.

Do you have a solicitor lined up for the conveyancing? If not, don't use an EA recommended one, but ask around friends for their advice. Having a conveyancer in place now shows you are serious.

AllFourOfThem · 01/08/2019 13:21

I would let the other three people view and see if they offer. It’s quite ok to take a few days to get back to them to accept.

Nonnymum · 01/08/2019 13:27

Very few houses get asking prices in the current climate most buyers expect to get something off
I think this depends where you live. I know someone who has had offers turned down on 4 houses because someone has offered more, and all offers were either at or above the asking price. Estates agents said its a buyers market because there are so few properties coming on the market.
Of course all areas are different, we are in the North and the area is popular with families but is not particularly affluent

tigerlily111 · 01/08/2019 13:27

where we live (North Yorkshire) residential care is around £800-1000 per week and nursing care £1300-£1600 (excl NHS contribution)Per WEEK. It's a big problem.

tigerlily111 · 01/08/2019 13:28

OP if you have had 2 offers in 3 days, I think I would hang in there for the asking price

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