Dislike my friend’s child

[Zazazube]

I’ve NCd in case other threads out me to my friend.

She has 2 dcs. Eldest one is a delight. Youngest is, frankly, a spoilt brat.

I think it’s because she was quite poorly as an infant and toddler. Caught every cold and illness around so her parents, understandably, were extremely protective in every way.

However she has grown into a little monster at the age of 8. Throws tantrums if she doesn’t get her way and the only way she’ll stop is to give in to her.

It’s got to the point where I, and several other mums in our social group, have started to distance away from this family as her behaviour is upsetting to other children.

I feel terrible about it but I just don’t like this child and avoid having to spend time with her if I can possibly do so. I know I’m BU as she’s only a child and it’s not her fault that she’s not being taught good social skills by her parents.

Is our friendship doomed?

That’s awful advice.

Just distance yourself a bit. Do cinema and drinks as you can, but other than that lay low. The kid will hopefully grow out of it.... and if not she’ll leave home in ten years or so!

I have disliked, to the point of abject hate, a few of my close friends children at times. However, the truth is that kids go through phases and this may just be one.

Fortunately/unfortunately my facial expressions and speed of retreat betray me and I have always been maybe too honest with my friends and sometimes we have challenged the behaviours together, sometimes I have stepped away and some matters have to be parked as we agree to disagree.

The thing is they are my friends and I am theirs, we matter to each other and it is not exclusive I.e. kids OR friend. If you are good friends you find a way because you both want to. X

It sounds like she is allowing her child's behaviour not stopping it.
In that case I would try make it an adult friendship.
I have a friend whose eldest dd is alot to put up with. But I love my friend more so I smile and accept it (as hard as it is)

So hard when a friend’s child is a little shit. Impossible to say anything though without offending.

I’ve put up with a few after school play dates where I can’t stand the child but I would always politely correct bad manners whilst they were in my care.

Such as my sons friend said ‘this pizza is disgusting’ when having tea. They’d actually made the dough & toppings together with my supervision. But I just said “well that’s not a very kind thing to say, maybe it tastes different to the type of pizza you normally have at home?”

The kid never got invited back, he has form for being a badly behaved little f**r and thankfully my DS has other friendships & started to realise that he wasn’t very nice....

I ended a very long friendship with a couple because I couldn’t bear their children. The real issue was that I hated the way they were bringing them up - they were never told no, over indulged, spoiled and behaved terribly. We just had completely different values and approaches regarding parenting.

It’s sad but easier without seeing them through gritted teeth.

I have stopped being friends with a few people as I dislike their DC so much. Or really the fact they are crap parents!

It's a very frequent thing to dislike other people's children- and they in turn detest yours.

YANBU, just avoid them.

You could make friends with people with no children, but they would dislike yours, of course.....

I have a similar issue with a good friend of mine. I don't think this is a generic not liking kids - it's certainly not for me. But this one child, although only 9, is an absolute nasty piece of work Egocentric, spoilt, demanding, hugely unpleasant to ever be around. And, of course, when we see how she's parented, we can see why. My kids don't want to see her and after our last trip out as a family a few months ago I decided neither did I. It's awkward as around 5 years ago we spent Xmas day with this family and it was really lovely. They have asked us back a few times (for Xmas day) and I don't want to say that we;d love to after they've helped their child to stop dominating/ ruining all conversations, insulting people, refusing to let the other kids play and then moaning about how badly treated she is. We are keeping our distance for day-time meet ups until she has either grown out of this or left home. We used to do childcare swops and I refuse to now as she needs about as much supervision as a small toddler because whereas mine need a general adult presence. I feel for you!

It’s just so strange though. Her first dd is absolutely lovely. Was and is parented well. Disciplined when needed and praised otherwise.

But dd2 is left to be practically feral. Climbed onti their kitchen table until she got too big (at around aged 5 when she actually broke it with her weight) and eats yogurt, for example, with just her tongue shoved into the pot which is pretty revolting for the rest of us.

I really don't like my best friends daughters (esp the eldest), they are young adults and still are a PITA.

Best friend and her exh had a high household income so kids very spoilt, lots of technology, pandered to their food needs (very fussy) etc.

Me a skint single parent so obviously we have less 'stuff' and more basic home cooked meals, the eldest once moaned we only had one computer!

Then made a massive effort for a dinner to cater to her fussy-ness, she barely ate anything, complained about the lack of sugary fancy snacks I had on offer.

I would just get on with it if you want to remain close to your friend.

My mum's best friend's daughter is the same age as me and when we were kids, she was the WORST. Properly horrible, used to hit and bully and throw temper tantrums over anything and everything.

Mums remained friends, even though most of the parents couldn't stand being around this kid and now that we're adults we are still very close and she is a lovely, beautiful, successful woman and we laugh about what a horrible child she was.

In the grand scheme of your lives, she will probably only be like this for a short time longer. If she is difficult, her mum will need good friends.
What if your DC turn into horrid teenagers- how would you feel if your friends ditched you to deal with that alone?

I’d rethink any friendship where the friend referred to 8 year old’s tantrums as cute, she sounds a bit dim.
But, the child - is she really as bad as you say? She broke the table with her huge weight, at 5?!

YANBU - it’s clearly the parents you’re annoyed with not the child - giving in, as you say, is the reason she continues at the age of 8, to have tantrums. She’s been taught to do this to get what she wants.

I know someone like this but it has been like this for years-rude to people she just goes oh stop it in a tinkly laugh way and now invites them out with us because theyre lonely-if they werent so rude maybe theyd have friends- i dont see her as much anymore

She broke the table with her huge weight, at 5?!

This. Surely not!

I understand I hate my nephew because he uses my DS as a punch bag and his lovely mother (SIL) does nothing. We are very LC with them now and only see them at big family events weddings etc
My friends DS I like but he is a totally different child to mine like chalk and cheese and my friend really wants them to be best friends and it’s not going to work. They are born great kids just very different