Name change.
Apologies for being so long!
Back story is my parents divorced unexpectedly (to me) whilst I was in my final year of post graduate study. I hadn't been living at home so hadn't realised how bad things had got. Ripped the family apart and DM not been same since.
Pretty soon after, my dad emigrated to the other side of the world with OW. Fast forward 15 or so years later. For visa purposes he and OW (now wife) return to UK once a year for 3-4 months and are based in her old home which they have kept on. I have fairly recently relocated across the UK and am now approx a 3 hour drive from their UK base rather than a 6 hour drive.
When he is out of the country, contact is sporadic, the odd phone call or text every now and then. Occasionally a birthday card for me or DC but often not. It feels rather like out of sight out of mind for myself and my three siblings. Relationship is painful for me as growing up I was a complete daddy's girl and he was my idol.
This is completely as far away as possible from the relationship I/DH/DC have with PIL and my DM, who are VERY involved in our lives and who I speak to on the phone daily or every other day at least and who we see regularly.
DF's wife is 'OK'. Obviously not my favourite person but I am always pleasant and chatty when I see her, and she the same (although I feel there is often an 'edge' to our interaction).
Myself, DH and DC have not been to visit them at their UK base the last two years they returned due to massive upheaval in or own lives (relocating, buying/selling houses etc). When DF was last back in the UK, he came on his own to see our new house and town etc. and stayed for one night. It was perfectly nice and he and I stayed up talking DIY and family trees etc. We didn't see his wife that time.
This year him and his wife have dropped in to visit for a cup of tea on their way home from seeing someone else. It was last minute for us and not hugely convenient (I cancelled a doc appt for it) but it was nice to see them. They stayed an hour.
Since then (approx 2 months ago) I have heard nothing from them apart from a text highlighting the dates they are leaving and when they are free (which I think was written by his wife due the structure of it and language used). I misread the text and thought we had longer to visit them than we do, they now leave in a week.
I checked with siblings whether they had heard from DF or if it was just me. One sibling said situation was pretty much same as me but they had stopped in to visit DF at his UK home after a hol. Other sibling said that contact was ok but only if initiated by themselves and that they were planning to visit for a few days before DF leaves UK. On the back of this I sent some photos to DF of DC (which I have done before and always got a positive response "haven't they grown etc". This was over a week ago and I can see he's read the message but no response.
DH cannot stand my DF. Thinks he has abandoned us all and shows a complete lack of family values etc. It is a bone of contention between us as I am still emotional about the whole situation and he doesn't understand why.
We are struggling financially at the moment due to a variety of reasons and making the trip to see them seems a lot of money to spend on someone who is seemingly indifferent to us. Also the timescale of one week is going to be a struggle. DH is very against going and doesn't see why we should etc.
When I think of the situation I just get emotional butterflies and don't know what to do. I feel their text is making a point about the fact that we haven't visited for a while but at the same time, they have been in the country for almost five months and we haven't heard a peep from them other than a last minute arrangement to pop in for a cuppa. Is that all they think we're worth? I just don't know what to do! (But clearly they could say the same about us?) But as the parent AND the one that moved away, wouldn't you think he would want to make the most of seeing his kids and grandkids while he's here?