Would you be offended??

[fiydwi]

A mum friend of mine has had a few financial issues lately, she’s found herself unexpectedly short of cash.
I was thinking of getting her a supermarket voucher to help her out a bit.
She’s lovely, would never ask for help herself.

Would you be offended in this scenario? I want to help but don’t want to offend?

What would you do? xx

I would be very embarrassed.
If anyone posted anon cash in an envelope through my door I would be mortified.

Honestly - the best thing to do would be to offer to pay next time you go for drinks/lunch

Does she know she's a 'mum friend' ... What is that? I can't get past it 🤔

@Dotty1970 a mum friend is a friend you have that has a child and you usually socialise at school drop offs/baby groups etc. :)

Dotty1970 a mum friend is a friend you have that has a child and you usually socialise at school drop offs/baby groups etc.
So a friend then?
Mummy friend!! What twaddle!!!

I read it as a friend who is also a mum. That you’ve met at the school gates or at Antenatal classes, or similar.

I think it’s a lovely thing to do and can’t see why anonymously doing so would be a terrible idea. She will drive herself insane trying to work out who sent it though

She will drive herself insane trying to work out who sent it though 

Or who knows shes in financial trouble, who has been gossiping, are her children telling people, cant provide for my children etc. Plenty of reasons why It is a terrible idea. In an ideal world she would open the envelope and be relieved and happy. But i highly doubt it. I would be so embarrassed.

I'd be embarrassed if someone did this for me and also feel guilty about squashing thier good intentions. Go over with a takeaway instead?

Yes she’s someone I’ve met through my children. We’ve become quite friendly and it’s just something that came up in conversation when discussing what we’re doing over the school hols.
I wouldn’t say we’re very close but we’ve become quite friendly and haven’t known eachother that long. Less than a year.
I was worried about boundaries and embarrassment that’s why I asked here first. She wouldn’t ever ask for help I don’t think and I do worry she would be embarrassed or too proud but I would like to offer her a gift of some sort. I didn’t want to do cash as I felt it was too personal and she may be wanting to pay it back, and I wouldn’t want it back, whereas to me a gift voucher seems more of a gift if that makes sense?
I’ll have a little think and just may do as some of you suggested and offer to go out with her and the kids and pay or something instead.
Thanks for your input XX

@notacooldad no they're not the same as normal friends you usually only socialise with them with the kids.

I'd be deeply offended but then again I wouldn't mention if I was really struggling but she obviously has so might welcome the voucher. I'm keeping the costs down during the holidays because I'm sick of spoiling the children and having them always be expecting the next thing. I've declined certain days out because I don't want to go. So a bit mortifying if that's the case and you turn up with like pp suggests, some pasta sauce and treats.
Tbh when things have been tight, I've already budgeted in food shopping as it is most people's priority over say, days out. Why not just suggest a day out and bring a picnic or say the day is your treat? That way there's less room for error.

Obviously I’m being deliberately vague but I know that somethings happened and I know the circumstances. It’s not just a case of being skint every month. Something specific has happened which has caused this. So it’s not the norm for her.

Anyway I’ll have a think about different more discreet ways I can help xx

Maybe invite her over for dinner a couple of times. Means she wouldn't have to buy food for them days?

Or have a proper talk with her and just maybe offer to lend her the money, gives her the chance to offer to pay it back whenever she can. Then not really a handout as such?

Tbh i wouldn't go for a discreet way of doing it, she will know anyway. How many times have you had random shopping vouchers or anonymous envelopes through your door? Unless like a PP said do days out your treat kind of stuff.

Or just say "Everyone needs a little help sometimes, Let me know if i can do anything, my doors always open"

No I wouldn't give her avoucher/cash. Just pop round with some groceries and make up an excuse why you need to feg rid of the.. Ie. No one in our house wants these, would they get eaten at yours? Or MIL brought a load of these on her last visit and my dc don't like them and they'll go off soon.. Something like that would not be offending... Or ask her and dcs round for dinner and pack leftovers to take with..

My mates have turned up with food before now when I have struggled, but a trip to the food bank etc could really help, it is helping, without potentially condescending and gives her the tools to help herself in the future???

Could you not say, someone did it to you and you wanted to repay the favour to a friend and then tell her to repay it someone she knows, when the time's right?

I will always be grateful for those that did this for my parents when we were growing up.

Maybe not totally anonymous but a voucher with a little note, pass it forwards is quite a thing now so you could do it under the guise of that. I am not so sure about getting a bag of food, she may not like it.

I wouldn’t be offended, particularly if like you say it’s a situation that has come out of some sort of bad luck. Love @ChickenTikkaTellMeWhatsWrong idea though