Taking a 3 year old fishing....

[fishfood88]

Need some perspective on this as I'm really not sure if I'm getting this wrong.

DH wants to take 3 year old DD fishing, which I think is fine and a nice idea. DH then said he would let DD make decision about whether to release any caught fish or whether to bring them home.

I feel that any fish should definitely be released as it would be potentially very upsetting and damaging for her to be around a fish getting its head bashed in and have any sort of responsibility for this decision. I feel like at 3 she has no real concept of death or what taking the fish home involves and is totally unable to make that decision with any knowledge.

DH thinks it's fine, descended into disagreement about when she would be old enough to actually make that decision.

I remember going fishing about 10 and being pretty upset at the fish getting killed. I've always been pretty sensitive though. I'm not sure if I am totally over reacting but I don't want anything damaging or upsetting happening to her, especially when it's easily avoidable.

I went fishing from a little girl and we always ate our catch. She will get bored but let him try

I have sea fished for many years and think that the first consideration must be the safety of the child. Water accidents can prove fatal. A child of three is inquisitive and un predictable, not capable of making a an informed decision of their own. I would suggest a family day out so that there are more than one pair of eyes on the child. Supposing Dad had an accident the child would be unsupervised and incapable of calling for help. I would suggest that the minimum age for a one to one trip with Dad or Grandpa is about 8 years old.

I'd stop kidding yourself that hoiking a fish out of its natural environment by means of a hook through the flesh of its mouth, gills or guts, then ripping the hook out and chucking it back into the water where it will most likely bleed to death, or die of shock, is in any way at all "nice", if I were you.

Just because your darling offspring won't see it, doesn't mean it's not happening.

Personally I don't like the idea of any type of fishing or hunting. I wouldn't want to do it and part of me wants DD no where near it. However DH has very different views and wants to teach her his interests. I don't feel I can stand in the way of that, but do want to make sure it's not an upsetting or damaging experience for her. Due to our very conflicting views on the topic, we obviously see how she will interpret things differently too. DH grew up fishing and hunting with his dad from age 5 so thinks that it's fine and suitable. I'm just trying to find out, generally speaking, what's reasonable boundaries to set for her well being.

You can stand in the way of it, actually; at least until she is of an age where she is more capable of understanding what is going on, and whether or not she wants to be a part of it (and is less in need of 100% adult supervision near/on water, for that matter).

Three is way too young for any of that.

Five, by the way, is significantly different from three in terms of developmental stages!

Things are not great with DH at the moment, if I try and stop the activity altogether it will be an epic, epic battle. I understand that he wants to spend time with her, but I want to protect her from anything damaging. I was hoping that her getting bored and him frustrated would naturally solve the problem but wanted to make the boundary of her not deciding whether a fish got killed, in case it did become a regular activity.

Um, so you are saying you would rather put your three-year-old at actual risk of harm than risk an 'epic battle' with your husband?!

Of course you're not!

Can you reframe the 'discussion' with your husband as being about her physical, rather than emotional, safety?

Out of interest, how much time does he spend with his daughter just the two of them at the moment?

It sounds like you have a bigger problem with your relationship and how you manage joint parenting decisions...

Yep relationship is a nightmare and we're likely splitting up. So, coparenting isn't likely to get any easier. He's very concerned generally with her physical safety so if in reality he felt she was unsafe he would likely not take her again. If I say her physical safety will be at risk he will not agree, he would have to see that risk for himself.

He spends two days a week with her presently, just the two of them, as we have conflicting days off. He hasn't been fishing in years but wants to get back into it and do it on his days off when he spends time with her and teach her the hobby too.

Ok. In which case, with all that information, I guess it's going to happen.

It's almost irrelevant, then, whether the fish are released or not - the fact is, as you say, three is FAR too young to make a decision like that. He's the adult. He needs to decide, one way or the other - and also work out how he will present that to his daughter.

Sorry you're having a rough time, OP x

It's cruel as fuck whether you release them or not.

Don't let your three-year-old be shown cruelty.

I agree. The fish are just going about their business, getting reeled out the water, put back, all for a bit of entertainment or ''sport''? Yikes.

It sounds like Dad wants to do his own thing regardless. I've lost my footing and fallen in the water and on another hit my head on rocks and broken my glasses. My 30 year old son caught a hook in his thumb and needed hospital treatment. What would happen to your daughter if anything similar happens or he catches a fish will he still have his mind on her - I think not!!!! I'd say "The bloke is an irresponsible raving IDIOT to even consider it" .

My grandad used to take me fishing around that age.
He didn't release the fish he bought them home and my grandma cooked them and then we ate them.
I was never bothered.
(As an adult I think releasing the fish is sort of worse, you are stressing them out for no reason)

My uncle used to come too so I guess they took it in turns to supervise/fish.

Like pp I'd be more concerned about water supervision than an upset DD.

Speaking as country person brought up and worked in farms from a very young age, I remember being taught LIFE from a very young age, where things come from and not just a packet it is very important for children to experience These things from a young age so when they get older they don't have a complex,. I have plucker and gutted birds and scaled and fillited fish with my niece's and nef's as young as two or three and they loved it.

DN is 3 and his nursery brought a fishmonger in to show certain kids (whose parents signed a slip) how to gut and then cook a fish. DS hadn’t signed his slip (they’re vegetarian) but DN came running and was fascinated by what he saw - he’s now obsessed by cooking.

Make a diary note for future reference it sounds like you have to a custody case ahead.