To not want to be over involved in the life of my work colleagues

[Stripyseagulls]

I have a work colleague who is very involved in the lives of people at work- she likes to know everything that is going on and texts everyone personally, follows on social media etc. She isn’t a manager but has been before. She has kids & a busy life too but is one of those people who likes to be at the centre of everything.

The problem is that it’s creating a culture at work where there is almost an expectation that it’s normal. I really like my colleagues but I work full time and spend enough time there anyway & need emotional energy for my kids & myself & my life out of work.

There is now a work what’s app group & I feel obliged to comment on it and contribute as it seems like I am being aloof & distant if I don’t! But I don’t want to know all the ins and outs of my colleagues lives, as much as I like them!!

Aibu? I need boundaries where work is concerned & it feels like it’s all encroaching on my personal life!!

I feel like this about work whatsapp groups too - I'm happily comment when something of note happens like when someone has had a baby or something to offer congratulations or when trying to organise something work related, but I have no inclination to tell everyone how wonderful a dinner I had at a particular restaurant etc. I just jokingly tell everyone that I am rubbish on whatsapp and I always have it muted! They seem to take this well because I make a joke out of it and no one ever expects me to respond

You are way overthinking this. You are not obliged to respond. Just ignore it. If it's brought up just say you're so busy with kids and home life that you don't check your WhatsApp regularly. What is your manager gonna do? Fire you for not replying to a WhatsApp group? Obviously not, so just mute the group.

Perfectly reasonable. Perhaps tell them?

Just tell them some waffle about having screen free evenings and ignore the group. Catch up on your morning commute if you feel the need to stay in the loop.

so just join the group and once or twice a week make some boring inane comments, mention that its hot, or cold, say im off for a coffee/tea back soon (big grin) and just do that once or twice a week... nothing personal, nothing meaningful but you are contributing...

Stripyseagulls I could have written your post!! I know exactly how you feel! I'm friendly and interested in the lives of my colleagues but not to the level that one of my team mates is. She knows everything about everyone and gets involved in all sorts of company initiatives but actually isn't performing that well in her own role. She will be found out soon enough! I was part of various WhatsApp groups but just felt like it was a constant distraction....I started to withdraw from it and now people only whatsapp me directly if they really want a specific response from me. I do still sometimes get pangs of "FOMO" but I know that I just cannot keep up with it all like my colleague and as an introvert I find it so draining. I do worry I'll end up being the topic of their gossip because of this but I'm realistic enough to know that people will form their own opinions no matter what!
The novelty will hopefully wear off.

Some of my closest friends are people I met through work. Some have moved on but we keep in touch, others are still there and we talk/socialise out of work.

I don't really see this is an issue tbh but if you don't want to socialise with your colleagues out of work then the answer is simply - just don't.

I'm not sure why it's seen as a bad thing though :s

I was wondering about this myself as I struck up some really good friendships at work. One of which I am going on holiday with. I think work is like the follow on from school and you make friends there. It seems normal to me.

I just avoid anything like that. I don't even have What's App on my phone and I'm not on Facebook etc. I'm friendly towards my colleagues in the office and I've never formed the impression that anyone thinks I am aloof or distant, but I wouldn't really care if they did. As long as we can all get along civilly at work I don't care what they might or might not be saying on social media/What's App.