To be upset that he never buys flowers or anything thoughtful?

[whoknows7]

So I’ve been in a new relationship for 3 months and he has never once brought me flowers or any thoughtful gifts.
I’m not materialistic at all and do not expect to be showered with gifts it’s the thought that means more to me and in past relationships those little thoughtful romantic gestures I found lovely. He regularly stays at my house and turns up with his overnight bag empty handed without even a bottle of wine or flowers and I just find that rude as I’m very thoughtful myself. AIBU?

I hate flowers, the most lazy gift imv, I'd rather he got off his backside and cooked me a meal. Swiping a few flowers at the garage takes no thought or effort, but I agree about the wine, or maybe chocs.

Exactly so it’s the fact that something that takes no thought or effort he isn’t even doing. I suppose I just like old school romance

Flowers is not a thoughtful or romantic gift. Easy and tacky o would say, and the flower trade is one of the dirtiest, most environmentally unfriendly, and humanly most unethical trades on the planet. Any man who tries to score a few cheap points by giving a woman flowers is pathetic, and any woman who lets them should be ashamed of themselves

If he's regularly staying I'd say it's his night to cook (bring ingredients), his treat for a meal out/in takeaway, his night to supply the wine. Sometimes it's a case of if you don't ask, you don't get. Yes, he should be thoughtful but he's clearly a tight arse selfish git. It won't change unless you say you're not prepared to tolerate it or he can bugger off elsewhere.

You can buy your own flowers, and tell him to bring wine if you want wine. This isn’t the 1950s.

I wouldn't be fussed about flowers at all (waste in my opinion). I wouldn't be impressed if I was funding every date at my house out of my own pocket though. It's a two way street.

Ethics about the flower trade aside, I think the issue here is that he’s turning up empty handed. I stay at my bf’s once or twice a week, but will always bring something- be it dinner for us to cook together, or even just dessert. And he does the same when he comes to mine.

Is he giving in other ways? With his time and words?

So he doesn’t take you out or treat you to anything?
It sounds like he isn’t doing anything or putting any effort into things if he’s just turning up regularly for a good time at your house and on your expense.
Flowers may not be a thoughtful or romantic gift but I think you just want him to show you that he values and appreciates you, is thinking of you and wants to make you happy.
Often little gifts are symbolic of that.
I don’t think you’d be questioning this if he was showing you affection and appreciation in other ways.

I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that.

Spot on @Beechview I think I just want to know that he values and appreciates me. He is very affectionate and loving in other ways and is very attentive.

@LastInTheQueue Yes I see him regularly and he is very loving verbally (maybe too much). We go out to eat and he pays then sometimes I pay.

I was just reading on google about the 5 love languages so I think one of mine is gifts! My family have always brought little gifts for each other when we have family dinners etc so I think that’s just how I perceive love and appreciation. Very interesting :)