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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at my step-brother for being a freeloader?

37 replies

AhsokaTano5 · 30/07/2019 22:01

I live with my Mum, Step-Dad and 10 year old sister. For the past few weeks, my step-dad's son (18, like me) has been living with us after getting kicked out by his mother. He's been (frankly) completely out of it for the last couple of years - he only got 2 GCSEs, stopped attending college just a couple of weeks in, and since then has held odd part-time jobs on and off; sometimes going months at a time without working at all!!

He wants to join the army, and has been trying to get in with a few issues, but as I understand it, he's still scheduled to be going in for a sort of "taster weekend" in August. But none of that is set in stone, and for now, he doesn't have a job at all, and spends all day playing video games or watching TV (not waking up until 12 in the afternoon, might I add!). My Step-Dad finally blew his top this morning, and told him he wasn't putting in any effort, was here for nothing, etc. He doesn't even do any housework either.

I do get on well with my step-brother (he's not a horrible kid unless he's having an argument with someone), but I really can't stand to see what's he doing to my Step-Dad and especially my Mother, whose said she's so angry she feels sick. I can see it's really stressing her out.

I guess the reason I'm posting this is to ask if any of you have had similar experiences and how they turned out. Do you think my parents are being too harsh on him? Also, because of how annoyed I am with him, I was seriously considering not hanging out with him until he does something and stops causing my parents so much pain. Would this be unreasonable considering that it must seem like I'm the last person in the world who cares about him? (No friends, no girlfriend, the rest of his family angry with him)?

OP posts:
Original poster
AhsokaTano5 · 01/08/2019 00:14

Hope you are in higher education.

I finished my A-Levels in June and am going to university in September, so yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
AhsokaTano5 · 01/08/2019 00:15

difussing their own troubled relationship?

They've been together for well over a decade and get along very well, actually.

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 01/08/2019 00:19

Do you have to share a room with him?

Original poster
AhsokaTano5 · 01/08/2019 00:21

@AutumnCrow

Do you have to share a room with him?

No, he's having the spare room to himself at the moment.

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 01/08/2019 00:25

Ahsoka, great to hear you are going to university! Well done.

Didn't mean to be unkind about your parents relationship, life is hard, especially with teenage kids in the mix.

I hope your brother finds his way. We all have to in the end....

You sound a kind and lovely soul.

FlamedToACrisp · 01/08/2019 00:45

Before he joins the army, he should be able to do 50 (preferably 100)press-ups and run at least 5 miles without needing to stop for a rest. How close is he to being that fit? Not very would be my guess, and he won't get that way playing video games. He would also be doing himself a big favour to get in the habit of early rising, up and out running by 6am, say.

Or is he just trying to join so someone else organises his life for him? The army wants men, not boys.

mummmy2017 · 01/08/2019 00:46

Another idea is post your personal bests for exercise on the fridge, and keep trying to best it...

DelphiniumBlue · 01/08/2019 01:03

Quick survey of the 18 year olds I know - out of 5 ( whose Mums I met tonight and we talked about this very issue) only 1 has a even a part-time job currently. 3 are awaiting A level results but not working - one of those is sporty and active but the other 2 just play games once they have surfaced in the afternoon. The one who is working is also now at college, but last year had to leave school under a cloud. The last one gave up his job a few weeks ago and has no college or uni plans.
We are all worried, it's not what we want for our children, but it's clearly not uncommon. There's no need for your step-brother to leave, with or without his Dad, but a bit of tlc might help. He has worked, so has experience which makes it more likely he will get a job in the future, he has career plans.
Best not to get involved other than showing friendship. Your Mum should probably not get involved either.

RaggeddeeAnn · 01/08/2019 01:12

A GP can’t officially diagnose any psychiatric conditions.
If they suspect a patient has depression, they can prescribe basic anti-depressants while they refer the patient to the local Mental Health Team for a psychiatric evaluation. The psychiatric evaluation results in either a diagnosis or further tests and sessions to facilitate a diagnosis in complex cases. Given that the wait list for a psychiatric evaluation on the NHS averages 12-18mos, there is no way her brother has a psychiatric condition diagnosed and in his medical records in the span of a few weeks.

Original poster
AhsokaTano5 · 01/08/2019 01:14

@RaggeddeeAnn

Thanks for making us aware of this. It's "his brother", btw :)

OP posts:
RaggeddeeAnn · 01/08/2019 01:17

Sorry! I did not mean to misgender you.

Brain06626 · 01/08/2019 01:55

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