Extra-curricular activities

[Itsgettingbetter]

My 13 year-old DS wants to quit our local Air Cadets squadron after a few weeks of joining. It seems great; they get them active and moving and offer some great opportunities. Also got him socialising with some lovely local young people. I'm concerned as in recent years he has developed form for dropping things (suggested by me). There is nothing he has suggested joining himself.

The only other thing he does outside of school is drumming, which he genuinely enjoys. He also is a voracious reader, though won't go to the library on his own accord. (I will be insisting upon this and will accompany him as a way of spending time together). He has not taken up any of his school's amazing extra curricular offer.

He is an only child and I'm an LP with a tiny family who are in a position to support his development. I want him to be able to learn from other adults, social with other young people and develop skills for life. Do I insist he finds something else to join or trust he knows what's best for himself, even if that means only reading and drumming?

I’ve only ever picked activities at the toddler age. Once they were at school they picked their own. I only mission swimming lessons. Anything else they wanted to try they could and they could quit if they didn’t like it. Forced activities just breed resentment.

Same here, they choose 1 and swimming is a must. They must also complete a term of the chosen activity if they say they want to quit. It's reviewed with them each time before booking if they want to continue.

I think at 13 he should be trusted to make his own choices.

He does an activity that he enjoys, he reads(I would encourage him to use the library independently), he presumably is able to meet with friends outside of school hours plus he will have increasing amounts school work to do.

I think I’d try and encourage him to try it for a bit longer, a few weeks isn’t really long enough to settle in. My DS12 wanted to quit Cubs and not go onto scouts. I talked him into giving it a try, then that I’d paid for the term so he needed to keep going until then. By this time he’d made a lot of new friends and was used to the leaders and the routine. He really enjoys it now and has had some great opportunities.

Good points.

DS wanted to join and I paid a one-off joining fee and quarterly membership fee. I want to appreciate that I made an investment in him but as mentioned he will probably by PP he will resent being made to attend. How can I get him to take responsibility for the cost without it seeming like a punishment (eg. no/reduced pocket money)

I would explain he needs to go til the quarter is up, because it's paid for.

My DD joined Army Cadets at her school. She went to an all girls school, and meetings were at a local mixed school. She enjoyed it at first, and completed a year, but didn't want to continue as she said the boys at the mixed school were making racist and/or homophobic jokes that she was uncomfortable with. Is it possible that this sort of thing is putting your DS off?
Fwiw, I think you are fighting a losing battle trying to make a 13 year old do anything. I would back off, and wait for him to suggest something.

I have always insisted that if they chose to do it my kids completed the term or whatever period I had paid for with activities. As much a lesson in sticking to things you commit to and there are consequences to changing your mind as anything else so I wouldn't let your son drop out now.

I really wouldn't insist on accompanying a teenage boy to the library either though unless you really want others to take the piss. Maybe drop him off and meet up for a hot chocolate when he's done?

For the (often voluntary) leader's sake, please do not force your child to do an activity they do not want to do.

Mine are a bit younger than yours. Initially I picked activities to fit in with our timetable, now I'm happy to let them choose but they have to replace the activity with something. E.g. they want to stop football, fine. But they have to do another sport instead.
The only thing I'm insisting on is swimming (now, until competent) and self-defence (when they're a bit older).