Nasty colleague with MH problems

[tequilasunrises]

Just wondering how to approach this really.

I have a colleague who is really unpleasant and inconsiderate. At best, she has no manners. I’ve picked her up to and from shifts and she’s never said thank you and has even had the nerve to tell me my timings don’t work for her when I’m doing her a favour (made excuses to get out of that one now) and she’s the same in the office.

At worst, she makes really unreasonable demands on me and other colleagues to accommodate her. I won’t give to many details as it’s outing but she has demanded (and I mean actually kicked off) people swap shifts and annual leave with her.

She was off for an awfully long time with stress recently and I think because of this nobody ever confronts her about the way she acts. Everything seems to come back to how she needs things a certain way because of her condition but it’s making the rest of us so miserable being treated like dirt. The things she has said to me would make you gasp.

I want to tell our boss (although I’m sure on some level she knows) but my other colleague thinks it’s akin to expecting her to sort out childish squabbling. I have a shift tonight without her so I was going to mention it then. It’s really weighing down on me being treated so inconsiderately all the time and I’ve just had enough.

Is it ever OK to tell a manager a colleague is being vile? I feel like a bloody school kid

It sounds like she's a bully and that is very much something worth telling your boss about.

She May have MH issues but that doesn’t give her free rein to be an arsehole. Your employer should not pander to one employee to the detriment of the rest, whatever the underlying reasons. Of course you should mention it, it’s not acceptable for her to bully people like that. What is your employer going to do if her conduct affects your MH (sounds like it is) and they failed to do anything about it?

Also - Don’t ever, ever give her a lift again and if she asks (demands?) then just say NO.

MH issues or no MH issues it is unacceptable to treat people the way she treats you and your colleagues. If it is purely MH related she should have support in place so that she doesn't act like this. Tell your boss.

You should definitely speak to your boss but keep it factual (don’t mention her MH, stick to outlining what she’s saying or doing)

Yes it is ok to tell your manager. I too have a problematic colleague. I've lost count of the amount of times I've gone into the manager's office just to go "AAARRRGGGHHH". Not to get her in trouble. Just to let it all out. Our management know what a pain she is.
Shes insufferable but we get through it.

Of course you tell your boss!!!!

I can't see the relevance of the mental illness. Stress, depression etc don't give you a licence to be rude and manipulative.

(I have long term mental illness. If I'm an arse it's because I'm an arse, not because of my condition!)

If you don't tell your boss do you think it will get better?

Thanks everyone. I want to tell her but what my colleague said about it maybe being viewed as childish got in my head.

So. If you were a manager and an employee came to you with a list of shitty things a colleague had done, would you expect them to sort it out like adults or would you speak to the colleague? X

It's not childish if you and your colleagues have to walk on eggshells around her. You all have a right to be treated fairly. Her MH is not your problem when it comes to accommodating her - that is for your supervisor / boss to sort out.
So please speak up for yourself.

Ok to tell your manager, preferably with specific examples.

I think it is useful for you to have an idea of what you would like the manager to do e.g. Whether you would like her support if when you say no she kicks off next time, just to vent, colleague being disciplined etc. All things might be relevant but having an idea of why you want your manager to know is key.

From a manager's perspective, I would prefer to know. It may be that your employer is not happy with your colleague, but hasn't got enough evidence to take action.

Your boss would prefer to have a happy team rather than a team being ruined by one individual.

No no no it's not childish at all! This is a managers job, to manage the people that work under them. And if one person is behaving badly, then it's their job to sort it out with help from her - it's what they're paid the big bucks for, it's not your responsibility.

What you need to do is be very calm and factual, say you want to bring to their attention this colleagues behaviour, then cite all your examples. Don't get emotional or talk about your feelings or their mh unless manager prompts you to, simply give the facts and explain it's impacting your work.

It reflects well on you, not badly to report it if it's as extreme as you say. Be brave and bring it up.

Ooh I have one of these. Following with interest, no tips I'm afraid, mine appears untouchable.

If it’s affecting your work your manager should be asking questions already.
Bullying at work is dreadful and should be dealt with far better than it is.

Not childish at all. It's a managers role to manage the staff and issues like this definitely come under that remit. As an MD I would expect my managers to be dealing with difficult staff.

Can you get other colleagues to support you?

Of course it's not childish. You need to tell your manager exactly what's going on and I would back it up in writing. This sort of woman can play very nasty indeed.

I'm the boss in the scenario and I absolutely would want to know.
There are ways of managing difficult colleagues and I'm paid to do that, you aren't.
It's not childish to want a nice working environment.
From my perspective, I would want specific examples (and rough dates) of when she has acted in the way you describe. It makes having difficult conversations easier as people tend to immediately jump to the defensive and if there are concrete examples, it's easier to talk through.
Don't suffer in silence. Your boss can only manage if you let them.