AIBU - to ask your most embarrassing moment?

[clarissa469]

This will haunt me forever!

When I was younger I'd split up with my first full term boyfriend of for years. I'd never sexually been with anyone else. I'd met this REALLY nice lad who we will call James, he'd took me out on a few dates here and there and I'd got to know him quite well. The time came when he'd asked me to stay over at his on a Saturday night. I ummed and ahh'd as I had work on the Sunday at 1pm but figured I could make it to work on time if I jumped on the tram the next morning. He lived with his parents but they were on holiday. That Saturday morning I came on my friggin period! I was gutted, this was my opportunity if you know what I mean, I joked with him before I came to his house that I needed chocolate and a hot water bottle and he was really kind about it. Anyway, I ended up staying the night and he was a proper gent. He had a border collie too called Max (I think, this was a while back) who was super cute. Phew.. here goes;

The next day I got up and had a shower. I'd slept with a sanitary towel on that night and before I got in the shower I realised they had no bin in the bathroom?! (I thought that was really weird but his mum was pretty old if that makes sense.. maybe they didn't need one) I wrapped the pad up in tissue and popped it in my bag. Now I don't know what or WHY I did this but I remember thinking "ew I need to bin this out of my bag." I sneaked downstairs to the kitchen and shoved the pad as far down in the kitchen bin as I could. James had one brother no sisters.

Time passes and James walks me downstairs to leave for work. In the living room his dog was going WILD running around with something in his mouth. Yes, to my horror Max had my sanitary towel in his mouth and was tossing it in the air and catching it, he had blood around his fucking mouth. All I heard was James say "what the fuck is that thing." All the fibres were separated and it was everywhere. I literally dived across that living room floor and rugby tackled that dog for the remainder of that pad. It turned out the dog had emptied the whole bin in the kitchen just for my pad. Our goodbyes were extremely awkward. I cried on the met to work and never spoke to James again. I'll never get over it.

"I can see your oyster."

😂😂😂😂

A few years ago me and DS1 were waving through the window to the binmen as they emptied our wheely bin. Somehow the binbag split and multiple dirty nappies in bags spilled out across the road.
I ducked under the window

I have an embarrassing period/tampon story.
When I was a teenager and living with my mum I went into the bathroom to change my tampon. As we had no bin in the bathroom I would roll it in toilet paper and dispose of it in the bin outside.
I'd rolled it in the toilet paper and set it down on the floor next to the toilet whilst I sorted out a new one.
Suddenly my mum's dog burst into the bathroom (no lock on door) and before I could react, ATE the tampon!
I then had the most awkward phone conversation of my life with my very up tight mother, saying how the dog had eaten the tampon and what should I do?
My mum was pretty angry and told me I'd have to phone the vet. I pleaded with her to do it but she wouldn't so then I had to phone the vet and explain the situation to them.
I was so embarrassed.
The dog was fine and passed the tampon over the next few days on every walk with my mum...

OMG OP, I was cringing on your behalf as I realised where that story was going 🤦‍♀️ I feel your pain. I’ve had loads of embarrassing moments but one was quite recently and i’m Going red just thinking about it. I’m not exactly very technical and had been asked to deliver some training via Skype where I needed to present my desktop so everyone could see it. All fine. I could see my screen. They could see my screen (on a 55 inch TV)

All was going well until I decided to pick my nose as I assumed no-one could see me (yeah I know, classy) Yup, you’ve guessed it, the people I was presenting to were treated to me picking my nose. I could have died of shame when I was told 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I take a bow lol farts are funny but not when you work in a well known fast food joint and people expect to smell burgers not bloody chicken tikka!lol

A few years ago I bought some topshop jeans from a charity shop and when they finally went I headed to topshop to get some more

Found the jeans and went to find a changing room

Only they where shut for some reason but they had some temp ones that where open

Near the shop floor

Anyway it was freezing outside so I’d worn uggs with jeans and of course the shop was warm creating sweaty socks

And laminate flooring

I’d got my uggs off along with my jeans-I’d got one foot in the new jeans when I slipped on the wooden flooring taking the bloody curtain down with me!

Skimpy knickers and everything on show to the whole shop floor

I had to do the walk of shame with the curtain wrapped round me to the staff room

I bought the jeans and never wore them again-waste if £40!

@User2222 my Lol just my friggin luck!!!!

I once composed a hilarious sexual fantasy text about a male acquaintance me and my bestie had a crush on... it involved a gladiator outfit I think... I was sending it to her to cheer her up... only I sent it to HIM by mistake . And yes he was named in it and I was clearly talking about him.

@nixso29 OMG no I'm totally cringing for you

@HotChocolateLover picking a winner! Nowt worse I feel for you with this one

@Bubbletrouble43 ffs I hope he was flattered and not a dick about it

I was about 14 and over at my friend's house for the evening. We were bored and she was daring me to eat hideous/spicy stuff for laughs - like chilli powder and raw garlic cloves and mustard powder. I did, we amused ourselves as 14 year olds do, I went home. Next day I was sat with my friend in class at the very front with rows of desks behind us. My stomach had been making weird noises all morning. I suddenly had the most awful sensation and before I could stop it the hottest and most stingingest but silent fart I've ever done escaped. I looked around, no one had heard anything or moved so thought jobs a goodun, keep my head down and crack on, I've got away with it. A few minutes later the boy sat behind me screamed and ran out of the external door of the class room. Then the girl sat next to him followed suit. One by one the entire class ran out screaming and coughing and shouting about the horrific smell until it reached the teacher at the back of class, who started RETCHING and had to evacuate the class as well. My friend and I got up and kind of slithered out of the class while everyone was dry heaving outside. I was absolutely mortified. The teacher had to move the entire class to an empty classroom. Moral of the story - just say no to dares, kids. No one but my friend knew it was me and we still laugh about it to this day!

Long story, but I'd had a brief fling with someone from overseas. About six months later, I was travelling, and was staying fairly close to where he lived, so phoned him and said 'hey, I'm nearby, fancy a drink?' Yes, yes, we know where this is going...
We met up, had a drink, and he asked if I wanted to see the apartment he'd just bought. Me: 'Yea! Why not?' Driving us there, he stopped in at a shop to buy 'milk and stuff'.
Get to his apartment, and it fucking STINKS. It's clean, looks lovely, beautiful balcony & view, but it REEEEKS like a fart that's been trapped for weeks. He very quickly realises his cleaner dropped a box of eggs on the kitchen floor, then tried to clean them up by mopping it with hot water, which basically cooked them on the tiled floor. I'm trying to pretend I can't notice the smell, because I'm British.
Things develop. Condoms are produced. Except they're fucking femidoms. He is mortified, and says 'I can't believe the shits sold me this!' (this was part of the 'milk & stuff' shop, I realise) We have a few attempts at um... insertion. I have the fannygallops at this point, so pelt into the bathroom,do a bit of rummaging and emerge, the rubbery cumbucket chafing my thighs. I must have looked like the goddess I was born to be (the egg stench was still a presence).
We did the deed.
About forty seconds later, my period arrived. Along with major period related diarrhoea. I shat my arse out in his en-suite bathroom, whilst tugging the fucking femidom out and saying 'no, no, it's fine, I'm fine DON'T COME IN goodness me, that egg smell seems to be getting worse!'
He said nothing. I said nothing. But we both knew.

"I can see your oyster."

snort

Have a too AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen

Thanks @clarissa469 😂 I think it was made doubly worse by the 55 inch screen 🤦‍♀️ I’m so ashamed.

Indian train journey -basic class carriages - open to track loos. Arriving at very smart hotel. Lost my money belt onto the track struggling with belts various belts. White trousers. Period started unexpectedly. Carriage full of men no women. That was some walk of shame/panic back to my poor dp who thought I had just ‘gone to the loo’. Oh dear.

Walking a moped along rough ground - for some reason I still had engine running. Moped went over small bump and pulled my accelerator hand quite dramatically. Ran at full pelt with moped speeding up trying to stop. I finally had to
Give up and let go of moped with me falling onto muddy path. All opposite someone in their front garden who saw it all.

I was walking my dog in a fairly busy park. He stopped to poo for about the third or fourth time, and I could see something hanging out of his bum. By this time I had used all of my poo bags, so I grabbed two twigs to try and chopstick whatever it was hanging out of his arse. Turns out, it was a piece of string and It. Just. Kept. Coming. Stupid dog had at some point eaten an ENTIRE ball of string.

I had no option but to keep unravelling it on to the twigs. By the time I reached the end, I'd basically knitted a dog shit scarf. There were crowds of people around me watching this unfold, most of whom were absolutely howling with laughter. I haven't been back to that park since.

I had a huge zit on my nether regions. I could feel it but not see it so I contorted myself used my iPhone to take a whole load of pics to confirm that it was as huge as it felt.

A few days later friends called in when I was watching TV. I put the TV into mute while we sat and chatted. Apple TV screensaver kicked in and suddenly, amidst pictures of my dog and garden a set of images of my arse, fanjo and monster zit appear on the screen.
We all sat in horrified silence and didn’t acknowledge them.
When my friends left I could hear them shrieking with laughter as they walked to their car.

😂😂😂 @ dog shit scarf

Dog shit scarf 😂😂😂

I once had a BF I was really into. One night towards the end of my period he put some moves on. Excused myself to the bathroom and removed my tampon to find it pretty much dry. No blood. Assumed I was good to go, back to bed and got it on.

In the morning he went to the shops and I slowly roused myself. To my horror I saw I had bled all over his sheets. He had no washing machine so I stripped the bed and tried in vain to get the stains out by scrubbing them in the bath. He came home and found me there on my knees scrubbing.

I had to admit defeat and say I would take them to my place to wash properly. His face was... . It was then I realised the blood had seeped through into the mattress and left a huge stain on that too. No getting that out. He had come home and noticed it straight away. We broke up not long after that.

I really should have got him a new mattress. I don’t know why I didn’t, besides the fact that would have meant I would have had to bring it up again.

That was almost 20 years ago.

I’m still mortified.

‘Zit show’ that really made me laugh.

My fella has just reminded me of the time he was at work and I was feeling horny

So I started off some really sexy talk via fb messenger

He was loving this and sent loads back

So in my 41 years of wisdom I snapped a topless picture and sent it

My phone pinged so grabbed it to answer it

Only to find a message from my (19 year old) SON asking why the hell id sent him a picture of my knockers!

I know we are a very open family (they know they can talk to me about anything) but that was taking the piss!