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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to pay to take a new job

27 replies

toomanybirds · 30/07/2019 12:03

I'll try to keep this quick: We have been moved overseas for DH's job. Routine in his field, happens every two-three years. We plan to move back to UK after this job as want to stop moving while DD (4) and DS (2) still smallish.

However, weeks into new job, my old firm has contacted me to tell me about a mat leave post that is well suited to me. If we took it, we would be liable for paying back costs of move, which would be at least 5,000-7,000, although DH thinks we could argue our way out of it. But it would still be a significant hit even if we didn't have to pay it - he earns more than me - and if we did it's a good chunk of savings. We would also be pissing his firm off, and screwing his colleagues over. But he wants to leave anyway and while I'm uncomfortable with it, we feel like happiness long-term of our family is more important than workload of his colleagues while they rehire.

Job is only maternity leave but is rare thing in field and would put us - especially me - in better position to find permanent work afterwards in UK, as we want to eventually. I also feel like it's my turn. Would you apply? I don't really want to apply unless I would take it if offered.

Thanks!

OP posts:

palahvah · 31/07/2019 07:11

Hi, does this mean that you're not working at the moment, and your husband would be resigning from his permanent job so you could work back in the UK? If so you're taking a risk.
The happiness of your family is important but how confident are you that you and your husband would find permanent work in the UK?
Is there something contractual that would require you to repay the cost of the move you've already made (and presumably you'd have to pay the repatriation costs yourselves too if he's leaving).

hidinginthenightgarden · 31/07/2019 07:14

Does pissing off your DH employer mean he will lose his job? If so I probably would give it a miss unless its easy for him to find another.

Hoppinggreen · 31/07/2019 07:18

Sounds like a bad idea
Your DH Giving up a permanent job ( or at the very least damaging the relationship with his employer) for you to take a short term lower paid job is a bit crazy AND it could cost you thousands

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2019 07:21

I think you need to explain more why he wants to leave

To quit a permanent job, for a lower paid short term temp one, and potentially out of pocket thousands sounds bonkers. What happens to him?

karmakameleon · 31/07/2019 07:22

Are you sure you e calculated the costs correctly. DH and I did similar, but planned for a year in advance and plenty of time to save, and the costs were much higher. Also we had to pay to get ourselves and our stuff back to the UK.

Other big difference was that I had a permanent job in the UK and it paid well enough to support us while DH was out of work. It took him a year to find a new role so quite some time to live off savings if you can’t support both of you.

Raver84 · 31/07/2019 07:37

Not a chance for maternity leave cover!A permanent job perhaps. I would be wary of upsetting his current employer as things like this can follow him round especially in a small or niche industry.

BlueSkiesLies · 31/07/2019 07:39

Could you move back with DD and DH flys back every other weekend or something?

BlueSkiesLies · 31/07/2019 07:40

Sorry DD and DS

squee123 · 31/07/2019 07:41

I wouldn't. I guess it depends on the industry, but in my experience word gets around. If your DH gets a reputation for pissing off his employer he may struggle to find work again.

AlwaysCheddar · 31/07/2019 07:44

Not for a maternity leave, no way!

Isatis · 31/07/2019 07:45

For a mat leave job the idea sounds totally insane.

HumpHumpWhale · 31/07/2019 07:47

Surely as well as paying back costs of moving out there, you'd have to pay the costs of moving back, which would be the same again, no?
For a maternity cover, I wouldn't do it. What if she only takes 6 months off and you don't get a permanent job out of it? How upset are you DH's employers going to be? Might he lose his job?

MzHz · 31/07/2019 08:15

Could you take the job and fly back at weekends? Is the distance short enough?

You could get paid help for the kids and dh could parent them while you’re away? Would that work?

Moooooooooooooooooo · 31/07/2019 08:17

Why does it have to be one job or the other? Why can’t your dh stay there and you move back to take up the opportunity if it’s such a great one. It’s not forever, the time apart will soon pass.

Ijustwanttoretire · 31/07/2019 08:19

For a mat leave job the idea sounds totally insane.

^ this

seven201 · 31/07/2019 09:03

Not for a mat leave job

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 31/07/2019 09:07

If it was a sure permanent job,yes. For a temporary,maybe job no.

Isatis · 31/07/2019 10:46

You want to give up one job to take a short term less well-paid job and pay out £7K for the privilege. If your husband is proposing to leave his employers in the lurch, his hopes of blagging his way out of the payment seem distinctly over-optimistic. It should be a no-brainer.

Original poster

toomanybirds · 31/07/2019 15:39

Ha, ok, pretty unanimous.

Some points: He wants to leave his job because staying means moving countries, every two or three years, for ever. This has been exciting but now we have children we are starting to feel the urge to put down roots somewhere. So DH's job is doomed in next few years anyway: doing it now would piss more people off, but give me a foot in the door somewhere I'd actually like to work, instead of panicking and taking any job I can because we're leaving his.

While leaving now will piss people off, it will be a clean break - he will not be returning to that job, or that industry, and all his colleagues will be in a different country.

Finally, he is not British, so I need to be the first one to get a job in the UK so that he can get a visa. So yeah, it's temporary, but it puts us in a better position for the long-term. And we'd have more family help and contact etc.

Anyone think that all changes things? Or is it all still insane? Probably the sensible thing would be to not apply for this one but keep an eye out over next three years - which was the plan - it's just that these jobs are a bit like gold-dust.

OP posts:

Teddybear45 · 31/07/2019 15:42

Apply and you move without kids first, apply for job etc, and DH can hand his notice in when you’ve passed your probationary period.

squee123 · 31/07/2019 21:48

could you and the kids move back ahead, get settled into mat leave cover job, get his visa sorted then he finds a job to come back to before quitting

FairyBatman · 31/07/2019 21:54

I think @squee123 has it right. It’s 9 months to a year, you either take the mat cover and love back with the DC and DH flies home once a month, or you come back alone and fly back once a month to see DH and DCs.

If you land a permanent role out of it you have a choice then for DH to move back then or see out his current posting and then move.

FairyBatman · 31/07/2019 21:55

Fly back not love back!

Original poster

toomanybirds · 01/08/2019 00:38

Yes, that could work. Would be hard but yeah, would avoid the stupid risk-taking/financial hit element. Thanks everyone, being called bonkers has been genuinely helpful :)

OP posts:

Brain06626 · 01/08/2019 02:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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