Pocket money. Earned or given?

[AtSea1979]

AIBU to only give DS (14) pocket money when he’s earned it?
DD (10) doesn’t get pocket money yet.

No condition.

I don’t get paid to do housework so why should the dcs? They know they have to do bits around the house and I’ll say they can play on the iPad etc once they’ve done chores. Works well for us.

I wonder if it's a bigger issue than just money though. Thinking aloud from the age of about 13 ish I helped with cooking, washing, ironing etc. Money never came into it - we had none. We all pulled out weight. On the plus side, I'm practical with DIY, can turn my hand to most things and have tons of life skills. I wonder how many people are heading into their early years together (20s and 30s day) and either they or their partners are really lacking In basic skills because they refused to do stuff without getting paid and their partner has to pick up the slack? Chores aren't fun but unless we all muck in, they won't get done.

@Aprinceinapaupersgrave that article is interesting though I do think £20 per month is a lot.

I’m with Jacques.
Pocketmoney and chores are completely seperated. In the real world adults don’t get paid for doing chores around the house so why set up that expectation?
To me pocketmoney is not about giving free money but delegating family purchasing decisions with the funds to kids to teach them financial literacy. It’s worked really well as my teens are very good with money. They have their own bank accounts, debit cards, do online banking, and online purchasing with their own money.

We'll be doing top ups. So a few quid a week to start and he can do chores to earn more if he wants. If not he'll still get £5 or whatever.

We've always just given pocket money.

Helping around the house is just something we all do, it's part of being a family member and part of eventually becoming independent.
My eldest two are 19 and 15 and so far have not needed any incentive to be helpful around the house.
However as actual paid jobs for under 16's are few and far between we have paid them for extra chores that are not usually expected of them. For example DS was saving for an expensive Lego set. I asked him to find me a cheaper quote for our home insurance and said he could have a percentage of the saving. Tedious job taken out of my hands, extra money and a new skill for DS. Winners all round.

Given. For me, pocket money was about learning to budget / save / plan spending / begin to get an idea of "worth" of the money, rather than being a theoretical maths question.

Not sure why you wouldn't be givne it to a 10 yr old though

By 14, if they want to earn extra by doing bigger jobs such as mowing the lawn, then that is a different thing, but, for me, general jobs around the house are non-negotiable and can't be 'got out of' just because you don't need any spending money that week. They have to to the standard jobs, because they live here and are part of the family.

I sure my grandsons would do some chores for me out of my love but I like to help them out a bit
Last week the eldest two 16 and 14 helped me paint an ornamental garden wall took about 7 hours over two days with me helping.
One got £45 and the other got £30
Last year they got £30 each for about 5 hours raking out the garage and we did 6 trips to the skipper
Couldn’t have done it without them
Tomorrow I’m getting the eldest to help in back garden with plant pots ..that’ll be about £10
And we have a car that needs cleaning..inside and out ..about £15

It’s good bonding time and I appreciate it

Oh and add in a couple of Mac Donald’s , ice creams and drinks each and there’s another £20

We do a mix. They get an amount of pocket money that is given. It's never witheld or used as a punishment except in very extreme circumstances.
There are also chores that they do as part of the house. Not doing them gets them in trouble, but it's not linked to the pocket money, more to respect (which is a bigger thing in our house after having to deal with an issue a couple of years ago).

There are extra chores that they can opt to do and we pay more pocket money. If you say you'll do it and don't then you don't get any money and you lose your next turn to pick extras first.

Pocket money is given. Chores are assigned without financial remuneration, children live in the house too so have to help keep it clean and nice to be in. That's how it's done in our family anyway.

Not here, packet money is given, and chores is expected as part of the family.

As soon as each hit secondary school, they got £80 a month each - their choice whether to take a packed lunch or pay out for school meals. That really was pocket money. No fares involved (free travel in London) , no expectation they would buy their own clothes or toiletries and I'd top up if they were going out.

They used to make their own money on the side, blogging and you tubing, very successfully

I think there should be a degree of both: a flat rate of pocket money that they get because they’re not old enough to earn money but everyone needs some feeling of autonomy, and a top up based on chores they don’t have to do if they don’t want to. But the flat rate should be removable if they can’t behave themselves, and behaving themselves will sometimes involve doing things their parents ask them to do.

Always earned in our house but not necessarily through chores. More around concentrating on homework, achievement in exams and feedback from school.

8 year old twins. They do not receive pocket money as they don’t need it for anything (we can definitely afford to if we wanted to). They are expected to help around the house as we all are - money is not linked to house responsibilities. They do help my parents (ie rake the lawn) and get $10 a week for that, which they promptly put into their savings (by choice).

We buy them a lot throughout the year and they can ask for things too. If we think what they want is ridiculous/waste of money/tat (and we will discuss why we won’t buy it), then they have the option to use money they have saved. They’ll then have a think and decide if it’s worth spending their money on (and a lot of the time they realise it’s not).

I don’t mind my parents paying them for certain tasks, as my children help them with lots of things just because they love to spend time with their grandparents, but I want my children to learn that looking after/running the house is everyone’s responsibility.

Alway earned. What lesson is a child going to learn from just being given money!

The lesson that they can and it's perfectly normal to control their loved ones through money and punishment. It's not a good one.

Given here too. If they don’t have access to regular money they can’t learn the art of budgeting, saving etc.

They don’t really have chores, I just expect them to tidy up after themselves and to study hard.

They can earn extra by washing cars, gardening etc if they want too,

Given, he won’t be paid to clean tidy etc when he has his own home, so why would I want to teach him that doing necessary chores comes with a financial reward?

Given pocket money here aswell. They are expected to save a small percentage of it each month and spend the rest. Once it's gone it's gone. Now their getting older they are starting to see the point of budgeting.
I also get them to sell any old gadgets/ toys on eBay to put towards a new one they may want. It's all about recycling and learning the value of money.

Chores are an expected responsibility of everyone in the family.

We give pocket money, no strings. And expect help around the house because it’s what families do. No one pays me to wash clothes or sweep the floor, I’m not paying my kids to do it either.
Kids need their own money for a little independence (they don’t get much!) but I do not want to enter a world where my kids only help me out if I pay them!

DD's is given and always has been.

There is an expectation that certain household things will be done - clothes in wash basket, bedroom and study (was playroom) tidied, keeping house generally tidy, willing to help with food and washing, making a round of hot drinks or two, etc. That's for us all - it's a household and we all pitch in.

Dd is an older teen now but we have decided as a family that we'd rather she didn't have a job as we want her to focus on her education, and use her spare time (when others might have a job) for gaining as much work experience as she can to aid her getting in to her chosen degree/career. We are fortunate enough to be in a position to do that.

When she was younger we always said that we held the right to with hold pocket money for poor behaviour/attitude.

Just curious really, my children are still too young for pocket money. I agree with PP who say pocket money should be unconditional and chores around the house should be expected without financial reward.

Do people still give pocket money to their children if their behaviour has been badly behaved?

A mix of both. They are good at helping around the house so we are happy to give pocket money. They don't have to do jobs to earn it exactly, but we make sure they know how much their help is appreciated and how they're part of the team, and it makes us happy to give them pocket money. Does that make sense?

Given