I'm really prepared to hear that I'm being unreasonable just now but I don't feel like I am and my mental health is taking a bit of a battering. I'll try and not leave out any details (unless outing) and appreciate anyone who takes time to read this.
My mum was taken into the hospital about 2 months ago as an emergency in a huge amount of pain and was let home around 6 weeks ago while she waits for further tests to take place. She's been for a couple of these now with the final one in a weeks time then they'll try and work out what they can do for her. This has been a really horrible time for her and she's been in a lot of pain and my sister and I have taking turns staying half the week at her house as she doesn't like to be alone at nights while she feels like this which is fair enough. It's really tiring obviously working full time and then not going home to your own house then caring duties but its what has to be done and that's fine.
My sister is a school teacher with no dp or kids and is currently off work for the summer. She also lives close to my mum and drives. I dont drive, live a bit further away, no kids but dp. I also suffer from a bit of anxiety and have a hard time going to restaurants and bars (this is relevant) although it's always been dismissed by my family as me just not wanting to go on planned occasions to these places (even though I dont go with friends either).
Anyway my extended family had arranged ages ago to come from overseas this week. My mum told them she was unwell and couldn't leave the house but they were unable to cancel and came anyway. I don't have a close relationship with them. When I rang my mum from work today to arrange to go up and take over from my sister tonight, she had had a bad night and was upset. My sister had cancelled plans she had with the visiting family to be there for my mum incase she needed to go back to hospital or a doctor. My mum then got extremely upset with me because since my sister cancelled on them today, she wanted me to meet them this weekend. I told her that this doesnt work for me unfortunately. This is currently the only time i get with my dp. I was then promptly told to fuck off and told I dont care about her. I let her cool off then rang her a bit later, explained that I don't mind doing anything she needs FOR HER but I wasn't free to do that this weekend and I couldn't have her cursing and swearing at me so please keep a civil tongue. This made things worse and I was told my partner was more important than her, she needed me to do this to take the pressure off her and I couldn't even do this for her.
I don't want to sound martyrish and a LOT of people care for their parents and it's not even been that long but I'm already feeling a lot of pressure from it. It's quite hard to stay away from home every week as well as dealing with my mum being ill and working full time. It's obviously way worse for her and I realise this but I dont know how best to deal.
I've came to my own house this evening to avoid any further fights with her as I really dont want to upset her more than I have and I've been really teary about the whole thing but I dont know whats best to do. Do I just do as she asks, for now, to avoid her being upset even though I know it'll be a struggle for me (and i really don't want to) or should I stick to my guns on this one? Am I a terrible person for not doing this for her? It sounds so stupid but its obviously really important to her but I don't appreciate being emotionally blackmailed which is what it feels like. Should I call her again tonight or just send a message to say I'm at my own house? I can't talk to my sister about it - shes always 100% on my mother's side and hasn't been great with communication about anything anyway.