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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so totally obsessed?

9 replies

actualdepressedashell · 28/07/2019 21:52

Right I'm just going to be completely honest here about the mess that is my life. I can't be bothered lying anymore so I'm just going to state exactly what has been going on and I really don't need judgement. I get how fucked I am.

So I met a guy at the end of May online and we clicked, we had about four dates (we met many more times) and I then told him I loved him, he said he loved me too, had never felt this way about anyone before.

I really felt it but I have an alcohol problem, I am really struggling with my alcohol consumption, when I first met him I tried to break it off many times as I was aware that I was unable to have a healthy relationship, whenever I tried to break it off he would talk me round. He told me he would support me getting better etc.

This lasted a month, I was feeling really overwhelmed and felt like he was pulling away. I am so insecure so I put it down to that but I couldn't shake the feeling that he was pulling away, so I broke up with him. He gracefully accepted this.

I then panicked and changed my mind and he stated that just because I take it back doesn't change the way it made him feel. We met up a few times but things were awkward and since then it has gone way downhill.

I have made myself come across as so desperate and needy, basically begging him for answers and trying to get back. Today I messaged him asking him to block me, it took him hours but he finally did block me and it has destroyed me. When I told my friend he was like but you told him to? But I never expected him to.

I feel a little relieved to be honest but also heartbroken. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am totally aware this is unhealthy behaviour but I feel so obsessed with this guy.

He doesn't care about me, I know that, he is completely indifferent towards me and it hurts. All in all I have known this man for two months so this is a real over reaction and obviously I need to deal with my issues.

The question is, how do I get through the pain until then? I am in agony, I am dealing with depression and alcohol dependency. I feel like he's the best I'll ever do and that I'm pathetic. I'm very self aware and I am fully aware this isn't healthy and I am working on myself but I need help until then.

I can't get my head around the fact he blocked me, I keep thinking did he block me because I begged him to and that means he actually secretly cares. But I know of course he doesn't, he blocked me to get fucking peace.

I've never been in so much pain. I have had long term relationships and I have never felt as shit as this. I don't get it.

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 28/07/2019 21:57

Oh love. Heartbreak is horrible. I wish I could give you a quick fix but there isn’t one. You have to just keep working on yourself. Please go to the GP and get some help x

Abhann · 28/07/2019 21:57

You’re in no way ready to date, and you’re expecting someone you dated briefly and appear to have treated very badly to be psychic and recognise that you don’t mean what you say at all! Focus on sorting yourself out. Can you access some help with the alcohol dependency?

Bunnica15 · 28/07/2019 22:00

Unfortunately nobody can tell you what he’s thinking.
I’m sorry you’re felling so shit, and sometimes it doesn’t matter how long you’ve know someone to be heartbroken.

When did you last drink? Anxiety is 1000x worse after drinking.

Sometimes texting someone after a break up is like taking that first piss on a night out- once you start you can’t stop.
I hope you find some peace very soon OP x

actualdepressedashell · 28/07/2019 22:01

I am getting counselling through addaction.

My last drink is currently now

OP posts:
Jeremybearimybaby · 28/07/2019 22:02

Have you got any irl support love? Although it doesn't feel like it, this is a good thing. You don't have the fortitude for both a relationship and recovery right now. You need to work on you. Relationships can come after you're feeling more stable.
You've done the hard bit, you've admitted there's a problem. Next step is to get some help.
Take care of yourself sweetheart Flowers

actualdepressedashell · 28/07/2019 22:09

@Jeremybearimybaby I do have soooo much real life support, if I'm not drinking, i am smoking weed. I know I am unable to have a healthy relationship but it still hurts sooooooooo much. I need to just be told that I will feel better

OP posts:
Jupiter13 · 28/07/2019 22:17

It will really hurt...you won't stop crying...be strong...you can always get in touch once you have sorted out your own life. You must still have his phone number..good luck.

jelly79 · 28/07/2019 22:39

This sounds awful for you but looking after yourself is the healthiest choice you can make. Unfortunately it sounds like you will continue to confuse / break away from this guy and that's unfair so let him go and focus on you. You never know things maybe different when you are in a better place.

Wishing you well

user1473878824 · 28/07/2019 22:44

Oh you WILL feel better. You absolutely will! My biggest heartbreak ever was someone I’d only known three months. It was horrible. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. Sent a lot of long emails I very much regret so you might find this is a good thing though it hurts so much right now. OP you’re obviously not in a good way generally right now so it’s going to feel so much worse. But of course it will get better xx

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