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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go?

19 replies

Underworld345 · 28/07/2019 08:01

My sister has recently moved to the other side of the world (oz). Her and her DP are due a baby next year. She keeps putting pressure on me to go and visit her, making me feel bad for not wanting to. I am now questioning whether I should be making to effort and plan a visit for when her baby is born.

I also have a 2yo and the reasons I don’t want to go to oz anytime soon is it’s a long flight for a 2yo, I would have to take a lot of my annual leave in one go and it’s expensive.

Me and my DP also want to start ttc next year and we will have to save towards my maternity leave again etc.

She didn’t meet my DD until she was 1yo due to being in oz. I feel like she’s the one who moved away and I’m sad that our kids won’t grow up together but AIBU to say we won’t be going any time soon. We will go eventually when it’s convenient for us.

OP posts:
Pineapplefish · 28/07/2019 08:03

She is being unreasonable to expect you to make the trip. A 2yo on a flight that long would be my idea of hell!

FinallyHere · 28/07/2019 08:04

I'd save the trip until your DC are old enough to notice and enjoy the trip.

HeffaLump1 · 28/07/2019 08:05

Yanbu. As you say, she decided to move away.

Original poster
Underworld345 · 28/07/2019 08:07

There will always be something putting me off going though. When our 2nd arrives, that adds years on to feeling like a good time to go. We won’t get to meet her baby for years....but I also think it was my sister choice to move away.

OP posts:
Barbarafromblackpool · 28/07/2019 08:10

It was her choice. If you don't have the funds/time/inclination that's OK. A shame, but the realities of emigration.

JustMarriedBecca · 28/07/2019 08:10

I'd go. The flight might be mneh but (a) the holiday when you get there will be amazing. Sounds like your sister is happy and just wants to share that with you and (b) you can stop off somewhere enroute to break the trip and see the world.

I've realised just how portable my life was when I had one baby. Now with two it's a lot harder. Go when you have one and enjoy it before chaos begins again and you can't go for another 3 years.

Weebitawks · 28/07/2019 08:10

If you wanted to see your sister, you would go, irrespective of whose choice it was to move away.

snitzelvoncrumb · 28/07/2019 08:14

Where about in Oz?
Don't let her make you feel bad, just tell her you are saving up for the trip and will be a few years yet.

Original poster
Underworld345 · 28/07/2019 08:17

She is in Melbourne

OP posts:
barryfromclareisfit · 28/07/2019 08:23

Don’t go. Why not? Cost. Discomfort. Your poor child having to travel. One day you might have spare money, your child/ren might be old enough to enjoy the adventure. For now, focus on your immediate family and your happiness. Follow your sister’s example.

mnahmnah · 28/07/2019 08:29

My DB has lived in Oz for ten years. We have never visited. Two children, the long flight, the expense. No thank you! I’ve never explicitly said it to him and he has never asked us to go, because I think it’s obvious that they chose to move there and cannot expect it if others to go out there to visit. He understands that and comes back here to see everyone every year or so.

Troels · 28/07/2019 08:35

I wouldn't go.
I lived abroad where all three of mine were born (5000 ish miles). I was the one who traveled back to let everyone see the new baby. My mother visited when number 2 was three months old and no one visited for Dd (it was planned when she was 18months but there was a death so I ended up in UK) She moved away she has to get used to doing the traveling and not expect others to spend a fortune to come and see her.

WelcomeToShootingStars · 28/07/2019 08:40

You're not wrong at all for not wanting to go, I definitely wouldn't either.

She's chosen to move to the other side of the world and chosen to settle and have a baby there. She doesn't then get to click her fingers and have everyone scurry over to her because of her choices.

But there's nothing in this world that would get me to Oz. It doesn't appeal at all.

Mumsymumphy · 28/07/2019 08:58

I think if you move to Australia then you must expect that people can't just hop on a plane to come and see you (I'm guessing you're in the UK?) Cost, expense, time off work etc make it pretty un-doable for the vast majority of people. YANBU at all.

bridgetreilly · 28/07/2019 09:05

I wouldn't be going now and I would not be feeling guilty about it. It was her choice to move so far from her family. I would wait until your own family is complete and everyone is old enough to enjoy the trip, then plan well in advance and go for a month. In the meantime, if she wants her family to meet her baby, she can plan to come back here for a visit.

Sugarskulllover · 28/07/2019 09:10

The flight isn't horrendous. I flew to Melbourne at the start of the year with DS who was 5months old, and my two nieces who were 10 months and 2.5years old. They have lots for children on the flights and they don't tend to be fully booked so allowed us to have an entire row for DN to sleep on. Some points where she was restless weren't great but they were short lived. I found the flight home worse just purely because I wanted to get home. We spent around £3.5K on the flights, apartment and car hire.

Divebar · 28/07/2019 09:13

Well I’d take it as an opportunity to go to Australia so yes I would go. It’s a long flight but presumably you could break the journey up en route. These are opportunities that may not come along all the time. If something happened to your sister or her family how would you feel about not going? That being said I can afford it.... be it with some saving. If you can’t actually afford it then the matter’s decided for you isn’t it?

ColaFreezePop · 28/07/2019 09:26

I would go but then I would want to and I've been to Oz before.

In your case you don't want to go so don't. Remember "No is a complete sentence". You don't have to give anyone apart from your DP a reason why you don't want to go. Good luck on having your next child.

The80sweregreat · 28/07/2019 09:49

She emigrated and you have your own family to look after here. Expecting you to do anything is really unfair. It's s bloody long flight and with a toddler it would be stressful.
We make choices in life, but expecting others to fall into line with them isn't fair or reasonable really.

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