To not know how to socialise

[glueandstick]

Big event next week and I’ve got no idea how to make small talk and be socially charming. Please tell me I’m not alone?

Is there a 101 check list of how to be a social butterfly and totally amazing and interesting?

Literally my worst nightmare ever.

Ask questions to show interest but don't pry

Maintain eye contact and smile

Give a genuine compliment

It's all about confidence, think of a few conversation starters beforehand (if you stall, there's always the weather..."how have you been keeping cool in this heat..." Etc) And ask questions (but not personal ones!) As most people like talking about themselves. Actively listen; don't get preoccupied and worry about what you're going to reply, just trust that the chat will naturally go between you.

Have a drink (but stop at two) and relax. I never used to find it easy as I had generalised anxiety but the more I relaxed, the easier interaction was. Easier said than done, I know, but smile and enjoy yourself.

Following. I have social anxiety and have no idea how to do this either.

@Trailblazer has good advice!

The best piece of advice I was ever given was to start your conversations with another person who is also on their own; its much harder to chip in on a conversation between people already in a huddle, esp if they all know each other, just feels awkward. so watch out for the folk also apparently on their own & start chatting to them, they'll be much easier to engage with & probably be relieved you are talking to them. Good luck, you will be fine xx

I don't know if this will help but I've recently been telling myself "everybody wishes they were me" as a confidence boost.

A few pointers which have helped me a lot when I've been socially anxious.

a) Don't worry too much about being a "social butterfly" -- that's not necessarily what other people want and its difficult to fake if its not you. Focus on feeling totally at home with who you are and projecting a sense that you're comfortable in your own skin. And if you're an introvert its fine not to be the life and soul of the party. It sounds like bullshit but positive affirmations can really help with this.
b) The best way to get on with people on a superficial basis is to ask people questions about themselves. Almost everyone likes to talk about themself and its very hard to piss someone off or bore them if you do this. If you're not naturally extrovert this is often the best way to socialise.
c) Don't overthink other people's behaviour and reactions. If people seem rude, bored or cliquey the chances are it is due to their own insecurity and nothing to do with you.

If it helps I think a lot of people feel the same way, you’re not alone

Yes there are some people who find networking and socialising very easy, but most people have found themselves struggling for small talk or common ground from time to time.

As others say, people like talking about themselves - ask what they do etc. Smile and nod, ask questions. A small group is good because the onus isn’t just on two people to keep things going. If you run out of things to say, basic things like the weather, the venue, drinks/food etc are all good and easy ground. If a conversation dries up completely politely excuse yourself to say you need a drink or the loo etc.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be the most charming/fascinating person there. I assume you must have some knowledge/interest of the event and surrounding context if you’re going, just talk about what you know and remember you only have to get through this for a short period of time.

I am socially anxious and rubbish at this too. Just smile, be friendly and don’t drink too much. Many people there will be feeling just like you. Hope you have fun!

Ps don’t bother trying to be “amazing and interesting”. Just be nice and kind.