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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want my ex back?

11 replies

TillyAndAlf · 27/07/2019 18:18

Been split up for about 5 weeks and I still really miss him. I’ve tried moving on, been out doing things with friends or by myself. Joined a dating app because I thought I maybe just having someone in a dating sense but I’m not even interested in talking to anyone, I just look at it and think I want him not anyone else.

There wasn’t a big drama when it ended. We’ve been no contact since it ended so I don’t even know what I’d say to him. I can’t just send a message saying I miss him out of the blue, I don’t feel like I can just casually strike up a conversation again either asking how he is or something so don’t even know how to start talking to him. Has anyone worked things out after being NC for a few weeks, how did you start talking again?

OP posts:

NoBaggyPants · 27/07/2019 18:20

Why did you split up? How long had you been together?

rosie1998 · 27/07/2019 18:21

Just message him asking how he's doing... Or asking if he wants to meet up for a coffee ...you never know if he's feeling the same way and just don't want to contact you first x

Sparklesocks · 27/07/2019 18:24

What was the catalyst for your break up, and who ended it?

It depends why you broke up, some things are beyond repair unfortunately.

Pineapplefish · 27/07/2019 18:27

Five weeks is very early days OP. Missing him doesn't mean you were right for each other. What were the reasons for the split?

Original poster

TillyAndAlf · 27/07/2019 18:31

He ended it. It was a bit of a misunderstanding about where we both thought the relationship was heading. We hadn’t been together that long (about 6 months) he was talking about wanting kids, I felt like it was too soon and he took that to mean I didn’t want any with him or see things as getting serious with him. He didn’t really talk to me about it so I don’t know if he just took that as an out?

Would it be weird to just ask him to meet up with me when we haven’t spoken? What if he’s already moved on with someone else?

OP posts:

Wherearemycrayons · 27/07/2019 18:34

If he’s serious about (ever) wanting kids with you he’ll want to talk it out, if not you’ve got your answer

HollowTalk · 27/07/2019 18:48

The fact is that he left you without giving you the chance to talk things through.

Six months is far too early to know whether you want a child with someone and he was really unfair to dump you on the basis of you saying that.

He's not been in touch since. I would leave it, quite honestly.

Sophiequeen · 25/12/2019 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ittooshallpass · 25/12/2019 12:18

Was he just trying to find out if you wanted children? Or was he wanting children 'now'?

If it was the former, I think it was a reasonable question of him to ask - and reasonable for him to walk away if you appeared not to want children. If it was the latter... I'd run!

ScreamingValalalalahLalalalah · 25/12/2019 12:29

This thread is five months old - hopefully the OP has moved on now.

patchworkpatty · 25/12/2019 12:37

I really can't get my head around why someone would think 'moving things forward' would consist of wanting to have a child with someone as a sign of HIS commitment to you !!

If he was REALLY interested in long term commitment that didn't involve changes to YOUR body, possible damage to YOUR health . and a long term commitment that often ends in the woman ending up doing ALL the work and taking on ALL the long term care (not to mention the massive financial hit to career and pension).. then how about a really old fashioned idea... that actually does show commitment and has SOME effect on HIS life. It's called Marriage.. that is how people used to show intent with their feelings ..

Now we think we are so 'liberated' being freed from the 'shackles of marriage' when in fact having children without marriage has left the MAJORITY of unmarried mothers in far more precarious position then ever before . (... and before the usual bollox posts from women who happen to have either independent wealth , plenty of money or high flying careers chip in - this is about the vast majority who work part time/earn less or worst of all , rely on a partner financially with no claim on their home) ...

A man ' offering' to have babies before offering marriage - in reality offers a 'no risk' commitment beyond the risk of being pursued for CM (which is easily avoided). The 'commitment' is not his. It's yours ! Gee thanks.. I think I would pass if my husband had thought this was even half way acceptable sign of his devotion to our future .

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