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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

And paranoid ? Is he with someone else?

19 replies

ipoppop · 27/07/2019 08:51

I'm seeing a guy but he is keeping it casual,just recently split from serious relationship.
He's told me he likes me but wants to keep us no pressure etc.
Anyway he hasn't been on WhatsApp since 8.31 pm last night and normally he is on more.
He was on Facebook /Instagram at around 11pm
So far this morning he hasn't been on any.
Aibu to think he might be with someone otherwise why not be on WhatsApp?

OP posts:

LuluBellaBlue · 27/07/2019 08:54

Wow! That’s a massive conclusion to jump to - plus even if he was he’s already said he wants a casual relationship so it’s really not any of your business - sorry if that sounds harsh.
I would be concentrating on working on your own self esteem and confidence.

Saltnpepper5 · 27/07/2019 08:54

You aren't together.
Why are you checking when he's online?

Pineapplefish · 27/07/2019 08:55

YABU - there are lots of reasons why! Also, even if he was with someone it sounds like he's made it clear you're casual and not exclusive so he probably thinks it's ok and doesn't count as cheating.

I don't think this is working as it sounds like your expectations are too different. I'd finish it if I were you.

Original poster

ipoppop · 27/07/2019 08:57

It's just a silly habit I've got myself into.
I asked him if we are just casual am I ok to see other men?
He didn't answer.
Not sure if that means I should or not.

OP posts:

barnyb · 27/07/2019 08:58

He's just got out of a serious relationship and he said nothing serious. If your looking for something serious I'd move on to be honest.

Original poster

ipoppop · 27/07/2019 09:00

It's not that I'm looking for "serious" just looking fo see him and him and me not to see other people.

OP posts:

Hidingwhoiam · 27/07/2019 09:00

You arent exclusive.

Why do you need his permission, to see other people?

If you are obsessing like you are, then a casual relationship isnt for you

Original poster

ipoppop · 27/07/2019 09:01

@Hidingwhoiam I just would feel guilty seeing other people.
I don't even want to see anyone else.

OP posts:

colourlessgreenidea · 27/07/2019 09:01

Aibu to think he might be with someone otherwise why not be on WhatsApp?

Complete non sequitur

newmomof1 · 27/07/2019 09:09

OP by asking if you can see other men were you trying to get him to admit to seeing other women?
That sounds quite immature, as does the constant checking of his WhatsApp.

If you want something more serious, tell him. If you don't, back off a bit and just enjoy it.

If you're not comfortable seeing someone who's seeing other people, make it official or walk away.

MashedSpud · 27/07/2019 09:18

He wants to keep it no pressure so yes, see other men. If he cries about it, too bad he wanted it casual.

user1493413286 · 27/07/2019 09:20

I don’t think there’s any reason to think that

Gojojogogogo · 27/07/2019 10:10

You sound like the stalker I've just got rid of

KarmaStar · 27/07/2019 10:23

Op,sorry but you appear to be stalking him.
You are going to put him off by appearing to be needy.
Go out and live your life and have fun,or whatever but don't sit around monitoring his social media status.

IsobelRae23 · 27/07/2019 10:25

I haven’t been on WhatsApp in about 8 days- wonder what all my messengers are saying about me?🤔 (probably nothing cos they know I don’t live my life via an app!!)

HennyPennyHorror · 27/07/2019 10:31

You say you don't want anything serious but you DO want to be exclusive.

Which is the start of serious.
c
Stop lying to yourself for a start! Then you will be in a better position.

Tell him you want to be exclusive. If he doesn't then you know where you stand.

I think online dating has created a bad culture...and Americanised "Dating" in a way that's not healthy.

I say Americanised because in the US, it's normal to date extensively and casually.

Not so much in the UK though....

RedSheep73 · 27/07/2019 10:33

There are lots of things a person could be doing other than whatsapp that aren't shagging someone else. He could be out with his mates. He could be watching a film. He could be in a bad mood and not wanting to talk to anyone. He could be having a family emergency. You are way overthinking this op.

Hidingwhoiam · 27/07/2019 14:21

I just would feel guilty seeing other people.

Then is your head, it's not casual.

Chicken101 · 27/07/2019 15:58

I feel for you because I have a friend who’s in your same position and I’ll tell you what I tell her..
This doesn’t sound like you’re wanting a casual relationship and if he’s specified he does that also extends to not keeping in constant contact with you/social media.
You need to decide what you want and if he is seeing someone else it’s really nothing to do with you.
If you want something exclusive then set your sights elsewhere my love x

Flip

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