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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be suspicious of Justgiving requests towards funeral expenses on Facebook?

32 replies

Soontobe60 · 27/07/2019 08:03

I've just been browsing Facebook and my local village page has a post from a person setting up a Justgiving page for his grandads funeral expenses. The grandad is known in the village apparently, and is terminally ill according to the post. So, either the grandson is desperate to help his family and raise money towards the future funeral, or he's chancing his arm and using his grandad to get money for himself. I don't actually know this family so can't tell if it's genuine or not. I'm not sure if I should donate or not! WWYD?

OP posts:

MyFokMarelize · 27/07/2019 08:04

You don't know the family? Can you explain why on earth you'd even consider donating?

Whitney168 · 27/07/2019 08:06

The grandad is known in the village apparently, and is terminally ill according to the post.

So the poor bloke's not even dead yet? How on earth must it look to see someone trying to blag money for your funeral when you're not even dead yet?!

I suppose there are circumstances where I would donate to someone's funeral, although I've not come across them yet. In general though, the ever-increasing entitledness that leads people to use crowdfunding pages for things that the rest of us have to cover ourselves is mind-boggling.

(And no, in your circumstances I wouldn't be donating when I don't even know the family.)

DogsWorld · 27/07/2019 08:06

Hmm. If it were for a charity and you could see that the page in Just Giving was linked to that charity I'd say do it as I know that the money goes directly to the charity from JG.

However, I've only ever donated to personal JG pages if I've known the person and trust what they say is true. It's sad that someone would lie about a terminally ill relative but it happens unfortunately!

If he's well known in your town is there anyone you know who may know this person and could corroborate what they say before you give?

Foslady · 27/07/2019 08:07

Unless you know the exact circumstances you cannot say either way so yes I’d be dubious until I knew more, just like the MM warnings for new posters at certain times of the year

Bananalanacake · 27/07/2019 08:10

a funeral isn't compulsory. the body could be donated to medical science. I would think it's a scam.

Freesunglasses · 27/07/2019 08:12

I've never donated to one of these yet and I've seen plenty. They make me very uncomfortable. Perhaps if I knew the person and knew the were genuinely struggling I would.
It just seems that now the first thing people do when someone dies is set up a Gofund me page. Same with holiday insurance, go without then expect me to cover your expenses when something happens. If you can afford a holiday you can afford insurance!

Confusedteacher · 27/07/2019 08:12

Having just arranged a funeral they cost thousands of pounds, so I could see why’d someone might do this.

However doing it before he’s died is a bit off. I would also only donate if I genuinely knew the family and was sure it wasn’t a scam.

x2boys · 27/07/2019 08:13

I wouldn't under those circumstances , I have known to circumstances where there was crowd funding for funeral expenses but in both those cases,the deaths were sudden and unexpected.

Hellohah · 27/07/2019 08:14

In our local community we've had 2 really tragic deaths of children recently. Both sets of their parents are self employed, so one of their friends set up just giving pages, to help with the cost of the funeral but also to provide them with a bit of money to buy them some time to grieve, which is obviously really understandable.

On the back of this, a couple of other people have done just giving pages to pay for funerals of elderly relatives.

The parents of the children raised in excess of £10000, I donated to both, because I knew one family and then couldn't imagine losing my child and then needing to work. I didn't donate to the elderly relatives, I felt they were very much riding the charitable wave in the community at the time, and thought they were being really cheeky for asking, and actually, it really pissed me off. I didn't donate. I don't think they raised much either.

x2boys · 27/07/2019 08:14

two circumstances*

NoSauce · 27/07/2019 08:14

I see this fairly often especially when the death is sudden, I guess a lot of people don’t have thousands of pounds to hand.

In this case though wouldn’t the family be suspicious that this grandson didn’t come forward with any money donated if he was going to keep it himself?

Hidingwhoiam · 27/07/2019 08:24

I wouldn't donate anyway, if I didnt know them.

But I likely think just a scam.

I have one cousin who does this sort if stuff all the time. He went round pretending to be a firefighter, years ago, when they were all on strike so people would buy him free drinks.

He worked in a pub and collected money for a load of the regulars to go away, then did a bunk.

His daughter was ill when she was born did loads of fundraising for that. Family members assumed he had changed as the above events were 15 years before. Lots of family chipped in and helped. His wife was so grateful. There were clear in fundraising that some of the money was going to living costs as she couldnt work as his daughter needed a carer.

Anyway, his wife found out he had been sending dick pics to a much younger girl at work. And dipping into the funds to take a third woman away. She moved the money and left him. I am confident the money has now been spent on the adaptations the young girl required. The mum is back at work.

Since then his new girlfriend seems to have taken up crowd funding for various people. I suspect he is up to old tricks but just giving just say they cant find the fundraising is connected to him at all. And he has never been convicted of anything so dont do anything.

Its appalling. You have no clue who you are giving to or what they will spend it on. So, personally, I would stay clear.

DogsWorld · 27/07/2019 08:27

I'd just be cautious as well that as this is an older person we're talking about, the funeral costs can be reimbursed to whoever paid them from their estate, via savings, house sale etc... So this money could well make its way back to whoever paid.

It's obviously very different if the deceased is a child/younger person.

It's sad that you have to think about this stuff but there's so many people trying to scam out there.

Original poster

Soontobe60 · 27/07/2019 08:30

nosauce that is something I've thought too. I also know how expensive funerals are as I buried my own father a couple of years ago. To think you may have to cut back on the sort of funeral you'd like is not nice. Although I don't know the family, if it were to be a genuine thing I'd be tempted to make a small donation for this very reason as I'm a great believer in communities supporting each other.
I think I'll keep an eye on the post to see if there's any other comments before I make my decision.

OP posts:

twattymctwatterson · 27/07/2019 08:30

I would and have donated to the funeral of someone I knew. A guy in his 30s with an alcohol problem leaving behind three kids.

They were living in a social housing and surviving on benefits and I knew they wouldn't be able to cover the cost of a funeral.

Original poster

Soontobe60 · 27/07/2019 08:30

I mean the Facebook post, not this post !,

OP posts:

stucknoue · 27/07/2019 08:31

Is it for a "living funeral" party, apparently the latest trend is to have it before you die.

I would doubt much would be raised anyway, those campaigns tend to only work for younger people, the council will pay for a basic cremation if the family do not have the funds

soulrunner · 27/07/2019 08:31

The worst thing just giving ever did was move into the ‘personal appeals’ aka “GoScamMe” market.

Original poster

Soontobe60 · 27/07/2019 08:32

I would and have donated to the funeral of someone I knew. A guy in his 30s with an alcohol problem leaving behind three kids.

Good for you, you clearly don't live up to your user name!

OP posts:

twattymctwatterson · 27/07/2019 09:43

Soon I have my moments . In those circumstances I did know how the family were doing financially and that the guy in question probably didn't have life insurance.

Sewrainbow · 27/07/2019 09:48

I wouldn't donate.

daisypond · 27/07/2019 09:50

Funeral costs come out of the estate if the deceased person, if there is one. The executor of the will can access it.

AuntieMarys · 27/07/2019 09:50

No I wouldn't.
I don't believe in spending thousands on a funeral you can't afford when you can have a direct cremation for £1300.

Original poster

Soontobe60 · 27/07/2019 11:30

don't believe in spending thousands on a funeral you can't afford when you can have a direct cremation for £1300.
Whilst I personally agree with this, for some people even £1300 is an impossible amount to raise.
Many years ago, in a different life, I worked in an unemployment benefit office. One day a man came in because his giro hadn't arrived. It was a Friday. He came to ask for a direct payment as he knew he wouldn't get his giro now til Monday at the earliest and would have no money over the weekend. He had 3 small children and was a widow. I asked the manager if she would authorise the payment, and she refused saying surely he had savings that he could access. She had no understanding that for many people, living from one giro to the next was the reality of their lives. He was very upset, but didn't get angry or argue. I've never forgotten that, and always try to understand how poverty can affect anyone.

OP posts:

TabbyMumz · 27/07/2019 19:57

I thought funeral parlours loaned the mkney for funerals then it comes out of the estate.

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