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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help me ladies

41 replies

Devastated13 · 26/07/2019 22:42

Long time lurker but need your help tonight. My husband has had a two year online affair (skyping sex the lot) after we have been together for 17 years, 3 kids etc. Trying to get through this as we have a disabled child who needs lots of care and we both work full time. He thinks he wasn't unreasonable to send a photo of me on my wedding day to his OW with my face scribbled out/blanked out. Apparently this might be the sort of thing any normal person having an affair might do. I might not understand this because I don't know that many people who have had affairs. So he has asked me to ask the internet. AIBU to think this was a particularly unkind thing to do? Or is this normal affair stuff I'm not getting because I have morals?!

OP posts:
BettysLeftTentacle · 26/07/2019 22:44

He sounds like a disgusting piece of shit. Get rid.

ghostyslovesheets · 26/07/2019 22:45

if her reads this ...'oi mate you are a grade A cunt and she deserves way better than you'

hope that answers your question OP - LTB

ghostyslovesheets · 26/07/2019 22:45

he - if HE ffs

HeffaLump1 · 26/07/2019 22:46

Why did he do it? What is his reason? Just bizarre and really weird

Charley34 · 26/07/2019 22:51

Erm no it's not normal yet he clearly thinks it is but that's coming from an a**hole who has cheated on his wife and thinks that's ok ! LTB you deserve better OP.

Original poster
Devastated13 · 26/07/2019 22:51

Thank you. I knew I wasnt going mad. I really want to LTB and I know I will in time. Just ridiculously difficult to do at present. Thanks for reminding me I'm sane. He said he did it because it would feel like a betrayal to show my face! He felt it was honourable. These words he is using WTF!

OP posts:
NomDeQwerty · 26/07/2019 22:53

Get yourself over to the ChumpLady website. He is a complete fuckup.

FurnitureAndBackgammon · 26/07/2019 22:53

Urgh get rid

Dinomom52 · 26/07/2019 22:54

Can’t fathom for a minute why he would do that.

NOT NORMAL!

The fact he’s trying to pass it off AS normal? I’d be done.

We also have a disabled child. We both work full time. It’s HARD.

I don’t know how I’d feel if DP had an affair, but the fact that he’s minimising this?

No.

SlimGin · 26/07/2019 22:58

But why did he send the photo in the first place, face or no face?

Absolutely YANBU.

antwacky · 26/07/2019 22:58

That's just nasty, he's awful. I'm so sorry.

Original poster
Devastated13 · 26/07/2019 23:02

Just sharing stuff with her, my family photos, videos of my beautiful babies who I adore. I feel I have nothing left that he hasn't soiled. It's so sad. All I've ever done is love him and work hard for my little family. I'm so broken.

OP posts:
foreverhanging · 26/07/2019 23:03

What the actual fuck. This can't be real? What an actual arsehole.

TheCaddyisaBaddie · 26/07/2019 23:04

He is not really taking any responsibility for his actions is he?

No, it's not normal to blank out your face, it's not normal to give a photo of his wife to his mistress and no it's not ok to cheat and lie either.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 26/07/2019 23:07

He says it’s a normal thing to do while having an affair?? What fucking planet is he on where “I was having an affair so it’s fine” is a valid fucking justification for your behaviour? Affairs are not fine! So anything you do as part of that affair is not fine. An affair is not justification for bad behaviour! An affair IS the bad behaviour!

Stargazypies · 26/07/2019 23:07

Do not let him normalise it and gaslight you! He should be apologising on bended knee.

Original poster
Devastated13 · 26/07/2019 23:08

It is real. Now he is angry because the internet didn't agree with him. Apparently I'm abusing him by talking to him about the affair for 4 months and he is a good husband because he is putting up with this! Thanks for confirming my feelings aren't irrational.

OP posts:
FlamedToACrisp · 26/07/2019 23:09

No it is not normal and frankly it sounds like the sort of thing a psychopath would do. It might seem like a minor thing bearing in mind he is being unfaithful but I think it's creepy and disturbing

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2019 23:12

Your husband is a world class prick.

babysharkah · 26/07/2019 23:17

What an absolute fuckwit.

1stmonkey · 26/07/2019 23:22

Ugh. He's just deflecting. Trying to make you feel unreasonable. You are not. He's the dick. Anything he has said, done, thought about in relation to this woman is unacceptable in a marriage. He should be kissing the ground you walk on.

Leeds2 · 26/07/2019 23:24

Get rid.

AlexaAmbidextra · 26/07/2019 23:37

Tell him from me - he’s a grade A cunt.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 26/07/2019 23:49

You know what OP if you have no choice but to live with him then just refuse to engage with him in any discussion that doesn’t concern caring for your son. You will never have a satisfactory conversation with this man about his behaviour, so don’t even try. Don’t give him an audience for his bullshit. It doesn’t benefit you.

orangesun35 · 26/07/2019 23:54

What a first class arsehole .just because you have a disabled child .do not sell yourself short .read the messages on here .we are all trying to help you .good luck