Confused elderly relative being nasty to teenager

[Homecountieswhingebag]

Mil is mid-80s and...complicated.
She’s normally an interested and supportive grandma. I’ve just sent her photos of dd (15) taking part in an activity of which she is normally interested and supportive. The response I’ve got has described my daughter as gormless, careless, lazy and clumsy. (Quite unfounded.)
Dd is currently on a residential trip participating in this activity and will want to see granny as soon as she gets back as granny is normally a big fan. I feel heartbroken.
Granny is known to have outbursts like this, often motivated by guilt or jealousy. (She brought up two of her other grandchildren. I have a suspicion someone has commented on them not having the same opportunities or being as resilient to stick at an activity to provoke this.)
How would you react?

How sad.

My DF has vascular dementia and one of his particular difficulties is mentally organising who is family. He has never been a mean man but has always said it as it is. So I can easily see how a toxic mixture of dementia, heat, inherent spite and so on could lead to this.

There is no answer other than to protect your DD by creatsome space. I doyour DM will remwhat she has said though you obviously will.

Dementia is a bastard disease. Sometimes it softens the hard edges. Sometimes it hardens them.

Interestingly BIL and SIL went round today and she was showing off the photos apparently!
You are all right, it’s only going to get worse and not really her fault😢

If your MiL has been supportive to your dd in the past then please explain to her that this is the time that granny needs her support. This support means accepting the reality of her illness and keeping in touch whilst possible - and ultimately protecting herself emotionally as things progress.

Brilliant comment.

Dementia is a right bastard. It just steals the goodness from the people you love sometimes.

Could she have a UTI? If she’s suddenly worse I would want it ruled out

I would talk to my daughter about dementia. My gran had vascular dementia and my mother-in-law is going the same way. DD has worked in dementia care so she knows what's coming. Funnily enough I was one of the few people who my gran recognised until the end.