Was I wrong not to have said something

[HRTea]

At work the other day a client who I know fairly well came in for a meeting wearing sunglasses. She explained that she'd have to keep them on as she had a black eye. I asked her what had happened and she said she'd "fallen over".

Her eye looked absolutely horrendous.

I didn't say anything but all through the meeting I sat there thinking about it and wondering whether I should have said something more to her, and if so what.

What would you have done? I can't stop thinking about it and wondering if she has a violent partner. I know nothing about her personal life and wouldn't want to embarrass her or overstep the mark.

You were right not to say anything. She’s a client and a subject like that is very sensitive. It is very unlikely that if she does have an abusive partner (which she may well not) she would open up to you.

I think you were right not to say anything; if it was a friend then yes bring it up but she’s in a business environment.
Also I have had a black eye from falling over and hitting my head so it can happen.

I think it depends on what job you do tbh. If you were worried she or any children were vulnerable then you would have processes to follow.

If you're an accountant or something then no - on the basis of one black eye I wouldn't start asking questions - a black eye doesn't automatically mean abuse. I have some real shiners - mainly from being headbutted by horses or a toddler.

It could be an abusive partner, she could have just fallen over, she could have been really drunk. Who knows. In a business setting like that it would have been inappropriate to ask any more information. But kind of you to be thinking about it and her. Hopefully it was just an accident and nothing sinister.

It depends on what sort of client she is. If there is any sort of safeguarding issue you should report it to your boss or the relevant person.
If its a purely business relationship then you were in a tricky position. I'd perhaps have said something like "if you ever need help, you can call me" or given her the number for women's aid. But realistically this is difficult to do and could have made her feel awkward.
It's a difficult one because she might be telling the truth. Although usually people just brazen it out if they are. When will you next see her?

Yes it was right not to say anything. It would have embarrassed her and she’s a client not a friend.

A once walked in to a glass door in a restaurant and had the worst black eye.

I think you did the right thing not asking her anything further. It is a client/business type relationship.

And, I have had a huge horrible black eye from falling and face planting. It does happen. I had a young colleague slip on a wet bathroom floor and fall, hitting her face on the toilet. Enormous black eye and stitches, poor thing.

Well unless you’re a nurse/ social worker/police officer I can’t really see how you could reasonably ask any more. Even if you are one of those things all you can do is ask the question. Unless she’s at the point of wanting help you’d be very unlikely to get anymore information from her in any event. ( incidentally most victims of DA will say they fell over or banged themselves on a cupboard door in my experience)

I think you were right not to say something as she gave an explanation for her black eye and you had no evidence to doubt her. Is she a client you see regularly? I’d be more concerned if there were patterns of injuries.

I know nothing about her personal life and wouldn't want to embarrass her or overstep the mark.

Exactly the reason for not saying anything. I still have extensive and dramatic bruising after a hiking accident almost two weeks ago and would be horrified if anyone assumed I was a battered wife.

I do a lot of sport and have had a few black eyes over the years. I am sure several people have thought I was a battered wife/girlfriend. Its nice that people are looking out for others, but it might be more subtle to check if she is particularly sporty first! There was one woman in particular who insisted that I was abused and needed to seek help and wouldn't leave me alone - I was single at the time!

Thank you so much. That's made me feel better about not having done so. No safeguarding issue - we work in a regular professional office-based environment.
It was the way she just muttered "I fell over" that really worried me. I felt like if it was a genuine accident she's the type of person who would have told me the full story of what happened.
I'm not seeing her for another week or so but agree, even if it was untoward I can't imagine her opening up to me and I'd risk upsetting or embarrassing her.

I also think you are right not to bring it up. A little while ago I was sporting a very nasty black eye from some over-enthusiastic sex( on my part.) I head-butted the bedside table. I told most people I fell over if anybody had asked further questions I would have been really embarrassed.

Yep agreed shouldn’t have said anything

I once had a black eye from falling out of a cab drunk

A friend once looked like she’d had the crap beaten out of her- her air bag had deployed in a minor accident and exploded in her face

There is never an explanation that is t embarrassing particularly in a professional environment

@Onesailwait

I had a black eye from walking into a lamppost while sending a text!. Luckily i was with a group of friends so had witnesses so no-one assumed my DP was to blame. Not sure if my colleagues did but hope not!

It really is quite a common injury and if, God forbid, she were the victim of abuse she is unlikely to confide in you. So you were right not to say anything.

What is your job

I don’t think I’d say anything either. My mother had a door swing in her face and got a black eye years ago. Her boss took her aside and told her she could take off a few days until it went away, they thought my father had done it. She said no thanks, I know how it happened and I’m quite fine but thanks anyway.

You were right not to say thing or question her on it. Something similar happened to my mother, she had probably the nastiest black eye I have ever seen due to tripping over (carrying bed sheets up stairs, tripped on them and fell into a door handle) and the amount of people she didn't really know who questioned her or give doubtful looks over what she said happened made her not want to leave the house! If you were a close friend/relative then fine but she's a client.

I fainted when pregnant and ended up with a black eye (think I hit the wall)
I walked into the open kitchen cupboard door and ended up with a black eye
I opened my car door into my face and ended up with a black eye

All in the space of about 2 years

It was the way she just muttered "I fell over" that really worried me. I felt like if it was a genuine accident she's the type of person who would have told me the full story of what happened.

I was going to ask about that. People who have genuine accidents are usually happy to talk about them with people they know.
It's difficult to know how to react. Saying nothing shouldn't be the answer because dv should be everyone's business. But she may not want to hear your advice.
I'd pay more attention to further signals and maybe lead the conversation towards related topics if and when appropriate.

Surely this is about a human being potentially needing support and help and another human being offering it? When did everything become so regulation led.

When can it ever be genuinely inappropriate to offer kindness and help.

I agree with Lweji and Sunshine Cake.
I think I would do the following, at the end of the meeting give her a business card (or just a piece of card if you don't have one) with your number on it. Then I'd casually pass it over whilst saying in as offhand manner as possible, "give me a ring if you ever need to talk".
That way you're not embarrassing her or putting her on the spot and instead you are reaching out to a fellow human.
I think the fact that you have a business relationship rather than family and friend could actually work in her favour. Sometimes it's easier to open up to someone who is outside your usual circle.
And if it transpires that there is nothing sinister you haven't put her on the spot or made her feel too defensive.
I think you were right to leave it last time as sometimes we need time to think on how to approach someone.
You sound like a lovely, caring person and the world should be full of more people like you.
Apologies for typos and bad grammar, I don't think I've slept since Tuesday