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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu- is this abuse?

12 replies

Redandyellow72 · 26/07/2019 19:04

Sorry in advance this may be long. I've been married 10 years (3 children) I want to leave my husband because I feel he is abusive, he says I'm breaking up the family and should give it one more chance. Things will set him off and when he gets angry he becomes really nasty, shouting at me, calling me names, swearing at me and getting in my face, if I try to leave the room then he blocks my exit so I can't and he grabs me arm. He has smashed a hole in th bedroom wall before and thrown things at me. In more recent years he has tried to control his anger more and is just verbally abusive and stopes me leaving etc. The most recent time he had arranged to go to a BBQ with friends and they were going to pick him up, he then decided me wanted me to take him instead but I didn't have time as had time sensitive work I had to do for my job, he then spent about 30 mins calling me a fucking lazy bitch. This evening he has been shouting at me as I said I wished to divorce that he will never allow it and I will go to hell when I die for eternity if I divorce him. He said as it's not all the time then I should forgive him and he will never do it again. And I will destroy our family. I can't leave as I have no family and nowhere to go. Should I try again? I don't know if I'm being over dramatic, he doesn't hit me so he says it is not domestic violence

OP posts:
Tableclothing · 26/07/2019 19:06

Yes, he's abusive. Contact Women's Aid for advice. www.womensaid.org.uk/

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 26/07/2019 19:06

Ummm fuck trying again. He is abusive, you want to divorce. So do it.

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 26/07/2019 19:09

He’s abusive and if you contact women’s aid they’ll tell you the same thing. Please do. They can help you make those first steps to get out of this relationship.

PennyPitStop19 · 26/07/2019 19:11

He is .

Vibiano · 26/07/2019 19:11

Please don't tell him you are leaving.
Call Women's Aid. Leave a message. They will call you back and you can discuss your options with them.
Make a plan and leave when he's not there. Don't tell him anything, that is when you are most in danger.
Try to start a secret stash of the important documents you need like your passport, birth certificate, bank details. Put them somewhere safe, like in a locked drawer at work until you are ready to leave.
Please leave him, you don't have to live in fear.

cakeandchampagne · 26/07/2019 19:12

That is abuse.
You are already in “hell”.
Get some help & get out.
Flowers

HJWT · 26/07/2019 19:19

The biggest thing about an abuser is turning it around on their victim! X

GeorgiaGirl52 · 26/07/2019 19:22

Don't tell him. Just gather your documents, as much money as possible, any prized possessions you don't want him to trash, and leave. Do not tell him where you have gone.
Contact through your lawyer only.
Keep yourself safe. He will get worse when you "escape"!

LakieLady · 26/07/2019 19:22

Definitely abuse. Please leave, if you don't have any friends/family you can stay with or the resources to rent somewhere, Women's Aid will help.

justthecat · 26/07/2019 19:25

Yes it’s abuse.
Keep your cards close to your chest in way of leaving, the less he knows the better 💐

Rosielily · 26/07/2019 19:47

It is Domestic Violence, and it will escalate:

www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

Redandyellow72 · 26/07/2019 20:24

Thank you, I needed to hear it from someone else as he normalises it. I've tried to call woman's aid when I went to pick my child up but went through to voicemail twice so I will try again tomorrow. Thank you

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