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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider this when I have anxiety

20 replies

DogsWorld · 26/07/2019 10:54

Had a really hard few years and have suffered badly from anxiety which I'm now on medication for following counselling etc...

I've wanted for a long time to work with dogs and currently volunteer at my local shelter and try to do various other things.

DH owns a successful business and has suggested that he help me with my own start up for a dog daycare. Not a spur of the moment decision of course, there are various things I'd have to consider and courses I'd want to take first in particular in canine first aid (Ive already completed a course on canine behaviour and psychology).

My AIBU is that I really want to do this but at the same time it scares the hell out of me.

It may sound silly but one of my biggest triggers was my own dog when I was in the real grasp of the anxiety. I was constantly taking him to the vet to make sure he wasn't ill, wasting a lot of money, panicking every time he wouldn't eat to the point of tears.

I'm so much better now with the medication but I still worry about taking on such a large responsibility when I know I've got a history of anxiety attacks.

I want this so much but I keep doubting myself and my actual capability.

Part of me thinks I need to go for it and not let the anxiety rule my life, especially now I'm already taking steps to control it (with the medication etc) but then another part thinks looking after people's pets is a big responsibility and one that scares me.

OP posts:

Jemima232 · 26/07/2019 10:56

It doesn't sound like you're ready for this, OP. You're already filled with anxiety just at the thought of it.

Original poster

DogsWorld · 26/07/2019 11:00

You're already filled with anxiety just at the thought of it

I know that's what I think but the H thinks I'm letting it decide what I do and stop me from doing what I want.

But to me, looking after a living thing is serious and not something I can just 'give a go and see if it works out'.

If I could do it with another person I genuinely trusted I would feel a lot better but H doesn't have as much time due to his own business to dedicate to it so a lot of it would be me on my own.

OP posts:

Jemima232 · 26/07/2019 11:02

Have you got any pets of your own at the moment?

Original poster

DogsWorld · 26/07/2019 11:04

Yes I've got 3.

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 26/07/2019 11:05

Could you find another professional dog walker and ask to be their assistant for a while and build your confidence that way? Obviously you can’t then set up alone and pinch their clients (as happened to my Dogwalker).

Are you a good organiser? All the constantly changing requests and requirements? And be prepared to spend a LOT of time in the car and less time on actual lovely walks.

Good at admin and invoicing. Possibly chasing payments.

BUT, it’s a great thing to work towards. I would aim to get there in stages.

SariaSun · 26/07/2019 11:05

I think it could be a great way to build confidence and help you to move past the anxiety ruling everything. You're already partway there with your volunteering and the first course you took, as well as the other help you're getting for your anxiety.

Continuing to take the relevant courses and build your experience sounds like a fantastic idea.

Yes, it is a big thing to look after the dogs but as you said, you are taking steps to combat the anxiety. How are you with the dogs when you volunteer? And how are you with your own dog now?

Also, could there be anyone else you volunteer with who might be interested in setting up a dog daycare business?

Jemima232 · 26/07/2019 11:06

DogsWorld - how are you with your pets now? Are you still hyper-anxious about them?

Wynston · 26/07/2019 11:09

Op i think this could be the making of u!!!
Start small-advertise dog walking for a start and build up from it.
You can do this x

Original poster

DogsWorld · 26/07/2019 11:11

Thanks all.

how are you with your pets now? Are you still hyper-anxious about them?

I'm a lot better. I was practically having melt downs nearly daily about them (they have been my world through all this) and thought I was 100% going to lose them. I couldn't shake the feeling that they were just going to die because I cared about them and that's what happens to things I care about.

I'm much much better now. I'm calmer, I can think things through a lot more rationally. Don't get me wrong I still have moments where I start to panic but I can bring myself down a lot quicker and start to think logically about what's going on rather than go of on a completely mad tangent.

I think looking into it in stages is probably the way to go rather than just saying 'no, not at all'.

I'd love to do this. It's been my dream for some time. I'd be annoyed with myself if I passed up the opportunity but at the same time I'm conscious that it's a responsibility and it isn't just about me. It's about people's pets and making sure I'm the right person to care for them.

I'm actually okay with the dogs I've walked but I'm with another person so don't know if that helps?

OP posts:

MammaMia19 · 26/07/2019 11:14

Could you try setting up dog walking for a small amount of clients first before doing full on day care or work at kennels for 6 months before taking the plunge?

Jemima232 · 26/07/2019 11:17

Well it sounds like you're in a much better place emotionally to take on a challenge.

I would start small and see how you go.

Jemima232 · 26/07/2019 11:18

Do you also have health anxiety about yourself?

It can be such a crippling condition.

Original poster

DogsWorld · 26/07/2019 11:18

Could you try setting up dog walking for a small amount of clients first before doing full on day care or work at kennels for 6 months before taking the plunge?

This is what I originally had planned but after looking into it properly we are not sure there is any demand for it in our area. There are a lot of dog walkers just in our town. There isn't a daycare yet which is why H thinks we need to grab the opportunity whilst there's no one else doing it yet (he's the business mind!!).

I would love to work in kennels and have applied for various positions nearby, some in vets too but there are very few openings other than volunteering which I'm doing already.

OP posts:

Original poster

DogsWorld · 26/07/2019 11:20

Do you also have health anxiety about yourself?

It's funny really because this all started due to a health condition (with myself) but I've never had anxiety over me personally. It's been my family, H, and the pets that I thought were going to die.

It's hard to sort of think how I was back t

OP posts:

Original poster

DogsWorld · 26/07/2019 11:22

Posted too soon!

It's hard to think how I was then because I don't think so 'crazy' anymore. I genuinely thought that everyone I loved was just going to die. I can't explain why I thought it, or why I even thought it was logical but I really believed it.

OP posts:

Jemima232 · 26/07/2019 11:27

The thing is, DogsWorld - everyone and every animal is going to die.

It sounds like you're afraid of death. Or at least afraid of being left behind when others die.

But you say you're improving and your DH obviously thinks you are, too. Hence his support for this idea. Maybe you should think that if it doesn't work out, at least you tried?

Original poster

DogsWorld · 26/07/2019 11:31

It sounds like you're afraid of death. Or at least afraid of being left behind when others die

Yes absolutely. The thing we got to when I was having counselling was I was just terribly afraid of having nothing/no one.

The thought that scares me with this idea is me being responsible for someone's pet injuring themselves etc...

OP posts:

Original poster

DogsWorld · 26/07/2019 11:38

And another thing that we discussed at length was me feeling like I'm doing nothing with my life.

Which is exactly why H really wants me to give this a go.

It's frustrating how much my own mind prevents me from doing what I want

OP posts:

MitziK · 26/07/2019 11:51

Small steps - dog/cat sitting services where you go and visit the homes would be less stressful than taking on 100% of the care straight away - and would get you good references if you feel ready to start offering daycare, as well as not taking so much money to set up.

You'd still be able to continue with the shelter - and taking the courses would make you more confident there, too.

dottiedodah · 26/07/2019 11:54

I sympathise with you .and know how you feel ,as I lost my own Dad when I was 8 and couldnt shake the feelings of abandoment.(illogical as he died!).I think you are almost there and maybe you could see how you go with a trial period ?.I think your husband probably means well ,but you have come such a long way so you are still doing something with your life!.Maybe take out the new dogs seperately ?.My friend is a DW and she finds it easier than having too many at once .You would need Insurance anyway ,and if there was an accident it wouldnt be your fault just one of those things !

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