Would be very grateful for any opinions really.
I was friends with a girl, met her around when we worked and then lived together in a flat share around ten years ago. Got on great initially. Funny, common interests, really considered her a genuine friend.
The friend over time had increasing mental health difficulties- feeling suicidal, generally being troubled with extremes in her mood, any stressor for her would be a crisis- admissions to hospital etc.
Over time, the friend became increasingly reliant on me. This extended to their family, who would want me to go and 'look after' the friend. I was called when suicidal etc. Had to move out one week when the friend was really distressed, family there, lots of wildly inappropriate behaviour and expectations of the family towards myself.
I was loyal to the friend as they had genuinely been a good friend to me. Plus I was concerned about their ongoing wellbeing/mental health.
I moved away around three years ago- the friend initially contacting me by text at least every few days, wishing deep and meaningful conversations. Phoning me when she was suicidal, saying I was the only person who would listen.
Increasingly, this had a very negative effect on my own life in terms of really excessive stress. It was having an effect on my physical and mental health. I never felt I could unwind, worried about getting such a phone call.
I tried to phase the friend out gradually. Feeling this would be gentler and kinder than telling them I couldn't cope with their friendship. I quick phonecall around once a year, hand on heart, is all I could actually manage- like a distant acquaintance.
For the last few years, I have gradually phased out contact with a view to achieving this.
Friend is now living across the water with her DH- who she met and married within a matter of months. Superficially it seems like an okay relationship.
In this time, however the friend has continued to message me, try to phone me etc- I haven't responded in months but am still getting contact every few days/weeks from her.
For me, I have three options:
- Reignite the friendship
- Don't answer ever again
- Continue with the gradual phasing out
- Tell the friend she is being clingy and that I cannot cope with the emotional support she requires...essentially the truth!..... though I worry she will harm herself or try to kill herself if I did this.
There doesn't seem to be an ideal solution. I am generally a 'nice' person, who cares about others.
I would really appreciate any suggestions.