Sisters engagement

[Juliehooligan]

AIBU, my sister got engaged on her birthday to her boyfriend of 8/9 years, but instead of speaking to her family first, she announced it all on face book, I know she won’t tell our mum about it as they have fallen out again and aren’t speaking. She still hasn’t sent me a message or a phone call to tell me her news. It just annoys me that she is so inconsiderate when it comes to her family, there is only me, har and our mum, yet she won’t allow us into her life unless she wants something. The new fiancé still hasn’t introduced properly to me and I’ve only met him by chance when he dropped my nieces of at mums house so she could babysit them. It’s not like she is a kid, she is 48 and I’m 45.

They’ve been together 8 years and you’ve never met him? I think crass use of fb is the least of the problems here.

My SIL can be like this. I would follow suit and just completely ignore. If you comment on a post (soooo tempting!) it’s more fuel to her ‘my family are terrible’ fire.

She's been with him 8 years and you've met him once?

It sounds like you're not a particularly close family, and perhaps it follows that she wouldn't think to call you personally. Or perhaps she's wondering why you haven't called to congratulate her?

Her life, her choice.

Well if she hasn't told your mum, and hasn't told you, maybe it's just because she doesn't want to! Being related doesn't mean you have to have a close relationship.
Sounds like she's happy about having got engaged and suspects she'll get a hard time from you. Like you say, she's a grown up and that's her choice.
You can sit and stew about it or you can get on with your own life.

Sorry,what is the AIBU please?

I can see why you would be upset, I would be too.
This does however highlight the fact that you’re not particularly close, otherwise she would have contacted you.

I get that it seems like she only wants to see you if she wants something, and who knows maybe she is just a selfish person, there are plenty of them around.
Or maybe she just doesn’t feel like she can approach you.
If you want a better relationship with now is a perfect time to start.

It wouldn't upset me. It's her news so she can choose how to announce it.

"She still hasn’t sent me a message or a phone call to tell me her news."
How do you know about it? If you saw it on her FB page then she may be waiting for you to send your congratulations by FB.

If you only met her fiance once in 8/9 years and that was by accident then you clearly aren't remotely close to her. Why would you think she would contact you first prior to her friends? It sounds as if you don't like her anyway and she is probably well aware of that.

Do you mean 8 months?

What exactly is your AIBU?

Why does she exclude you both? What’s the backstory?

Either you don’t like her v much or she doesn’t like you much or a combination. You’re very obviously not close so why should you get told specially?

If you're not a close family why would she tell you first?

To be honest, kindly, it seems you aren't close given you haven't really met him. Maybe this is so upsetting because it has highlighted this

@Northendgal not months, years.

@DaphneFanshaw ive tried many times over the years to have a better relationship with her, I’ve just been kicked back down again when something better comes along, I’ve already messaged her to say congratulations, and she has only replied back to friends, I am happy for her and have said about meeting her partner, but there is always an excuse not to.

If she's not speaking to your mother then why is your mother baby-sitting for her?

It doesn’t sound like you are that close. I have a half brother who doesn’t even know I’m married! I’ve been married nearly 10 years. We aren’t close and I’m not interested. I don’t think I even told aunts and uncles until after we were married either. We aren’t close. It sounds like you aren’t close either and you probably just need to let her live her life.

@ladyrannaldini she isn’t any more, they have fallen out loads over the years for different reasons, this time it was over me speaking to my nieces dad when he dropped off my niece to play with my daughter! Apparently I had no right to so our mum told her that I could speak to who ever I wanted to as I was an adult and didn’t need permission. This set her off one one and she hasn’t spoken to our mum now since May. It was a few years ago now that I met him, but won’t actually introduce him to me and my family. I think she is ashamed of us as we don’t live the kind of life that she has. I have asked for them all to come round for tea or even drinks, but it’s always met with some excuse for it not to happen and we are only invited to her house when he is not going to be there.

@mindutopia that’s the thing, she always contacts me when she wants something, or needs to have a chat because she is upset or having a bad day. I know we aren’t as close as most families, but I thought as it is a big thing to happen, she would have sent a message to say after I had congratulated her on it, especially as I had seen her earlier that day as it was her birthday.