DH's food chat

[user87382294757]

DH has become increasingly worried about getting fat and keeps going on and on about it. He keeps saying things like he is a 'piggy' if he just eats a small meal- after not eating all day. He sometimes eats chocolate and goes on and on about how bad he was and how he feels terrible now etc. I worry it might affect the DC. He also goes on about 'fat people' a lot in general. He never used to be like this. Or not as bad anyway. He is so thin I worry about him. He doesn't like anything I cook so started making extra from the DCs and just leaving that for him. Take it or leave it. But he wants a fuss and a 'special' tea.

Oh, also he has started commenting on others food, such as he comments on what I am eating and if I enjoyed it and if I finished it. It is all such a fuss and very intrusive and annoying.

This doesn't sound healthy. Have you talked to him about it?

Could he be anorexic? I don't know. but an obsession with food is worrying, could you ask him what he's worried about, or suggest he sees the GP to find out if there is a problem?

A bit. I tell him to leave me alone and not bother me, and what he eats is his choice and to stop fussing and going on about it. And told him he is not fat anyway but he takes no notice. He got stressed when we stayed with others and ate with them. He also drinks sometimes so think he gets some calories from that but that isn't great is it.

He won;t think he has an eating disorder. Others in his family have them bit they are all women. He thinks it is a women's issue and he doesn't understand it. But then he got all competitive and started saying he was thinner than them anyway which I thought was not very nice. The niece is very thin also and I worry about her too. But there is this weird thing where no-one talks about it all. Like a kind of denial.

He sounds anorexic; yes men can develop it too. Please ask him to see his GP and ask them to refer him to a specialist/dietician.

Whatever it is, (and it does sound like anorexia) its not at all healthy.

He won't speak to the GP. He has a medical condition also which confuses things. and on meds. So they may think it is due to that. Last time the GP rang he would not speak to them and said they would 'tell him off'. But strange. So how can you make a grown adult go? He is 50 not a young person.

Would he tell you how much he weighs? It would be good to know his BMI.

Speaking from experience, it sounds like he most definitely has an eating disorder. It often includes the person being hostile towards family. He definitely needs to see a GP. Rather than bring up ED's with him, would he be more likely to accept an appointment to help him with his weight/eating better? Ie: don't explicitly say it's because he's too thin, allow him to think that maybe you mean he needs help with his dieting. Then go to the GP together and obviously when he starts talking about his eating habits/losing weight the GP will hopefully notice the ED behaviours. You can also obviously interject. I don't normally advise lying but this is something he seriously needs help with and something that he's probably never going to seek help for himself as he will possibly never see that he has an issue.

Could you call the GP and explain the issue? Perhaps they could ask him to come in with regard to his current health problem, then actually speak to him about what is going on.

Yes that would be good. He is certainly very thin. he has a big set of scales in the bathroom so does weigh himself I know. But usually in private. I could try and find out. Wonder how though. Just ask i guess.

He'd go mad if I called the GP and discussed him. I don't think you can anyway, due to confidentiality.

Or make an appointment for him, tell him it's for you and you'd like him there for support and then when you're in with the doctor you can discuss his eating. No choice for him once he's there. I know that's tricking him but as you say, you can't force him to go. His is most definitely not something you want to expose the DC to though as they can most certainly adopt his attitude towards food. Also, many people do not realise they have an ED ever or if they do it's so late that it is extremely difficult to come back from. I hope you can sort this somehow x

The other condition is Crohns which makes it more confusing as also causes weight loss. he has been on those elemental drinks in the past for it, on prescription. and of course that can make it painful to eat. But this seems more intentional.

Confidentiality doesn't stop you from making an appointment for someone else although it can mean that when at the appointment your DH could ask you to leave the room so that he can speak in private with the GP.

Alternatively, call the GP and ask for advice. They can't discuss your DH specifically but if you tell him the concerns that you have, it may be that they can better advise you on how to help someone in that position.

No, he would be really angry if I did anything like that. He wouldn't trust me again. Sorry, and thank you for the support but he wouldn't like any of that.

With the niece...I asked in the family and they told me, she needs to ask for support herself if she needs it. Maybe he needs to get to the stage of being able to do that?

Honestly, he's going to be angry at anything you do but it does sound like he's got an eating disorder and they are deadly. Once you are in that mindset it is extremely difficult to come out the other side purely of your own accord because simply put, you don't see it as a problem. It is something that needs intervention and that intervention will not be welcome. I hope he can come through it whatever you decide to do but please, if it continues do really consider getting some advice from a medical professional. I hope your husband can come through this well and happy, wishing you both well.

Be careful here op. If he's got an eating disorder, it's not a good idea to start probing him about his weight. Also, don't sneak around behind his back trying to trick him into the gp surgery.

Look it up, get informed yourself.

I would keep pulling him up in front of the DC though, if he's demonstrating unhealthy behaviour. But be empathetic though.

Thank you. Any thoughts as to whether I should try making this food he likes / special food for him? Or just not make a fuss etc. Not sure. I am also quite angry to be honest that is doing this when we also have children to care for and other stress going on. But I guess he can't help it. It is not like he is a young child or teenager. But even his dad in his 70s is also going very thin and talking about that too (fat people etc) it must be genetic...

I do pull him up in front of our DC. (two boys) They seem to eat normally which is good. I make sure I am normal around food as well. I always thought it was more girls this affected but not always it seems.