to think there seems to be no answer, for now

[Peppasleftshoe]

Posting for traffic, not so much an AIBU (though I suspect there are elements of that) but more for opinions/any ideas really.

Early 40's, 1 DC aged 18 months. Used to be a partner in litigation but hated it in the main (the opposition, the clients, the hours, the fighting for a living every day, the stress - which manifested itself both mentally and physically). Decided was not a good combo for having a child, particularly later on in life when it's harder to conceive (and also in terms of spending time with DC/making school plays and actually no being a horrid stressed mess/impatient etc) so moved into a professional support role where I could work 7 hours a day, no checking of emails evenings, weekends and holidays (in comparison to previously when all I did was work). Had DC, maternity leave, went back to work. Been back 6 months.

I like the people I work with, I get to work 28 hours a week, start early and finish early so get around 3 hours with DC per day (which I know is a lot more than most working parents get), pays well with great benefits but am BORED out of my brain. Drafting precedents and articles is just so dull as there's no actual facts/reality to get stuck into, it's just so generic and stale. Also getting very frustrated re the increasing amount of administrative tasks I am being asked to perform (i.e. uploading documents etc) - feel it is demeaning (and I don't mean that in an arrogant way, just I worked my ass off for YEARS to get where I was and just feel it's a bit of an insult/waste of the skills I do have to offer).

I just feel it's soul destroying going into that job each day and I have no motivation and end up spending a fair amount of the day avoiding doing anything as I find it so boring! Reality of situation is I don't want to go back to a fee earning role (if I went back I wouldn't want to be a partner again) as I could never guarantee when I'd finish and I want to spend time with my DC when small, plus the endless need to be "on call" on evenings, weekends, holidays etc but at least I'd be challenged mentally.

Don't want to quit and find something else now as we get enhanced maternity leave and we would like another child and will start trying in next couple months (I know we might not be lucky enough to have another).

We could pay all bills, mortgage, food etc from DH wage (again, I know we are lucky in that regard) but there would be nothing for extras like holidays, eating out, nice clothes for DC and we love going away. Plus we are looking to buy a bigger house if we have another DC so will need me to be working for that.

I'm not quite sure what I'm saying - looking for answers I guess and maybe how I get through the monotony for the next few years (which is really where we find ourselves if we have another DC). Has anyone been in this situation and have any tips/mantras I can use??

I know this is not a huge problem, and people are dealing with much much worse - it's just boredom and dissatisfaction, but the thought of having to remain in this job for another 5-7 years (thinking until both DC go to school) fills me with dread.

Thanks and sorry for the waffle.

What about going back into private practice but in a smaller firm? You might find one where the work life balance was better, but the work still interesting. I have a friend who moved from a huge city firm into a high street firm in a smaller town and it’s been the making of him - no time sheets, clients are rarely commercial so expectations are more reasonable, leaves work at 5 every day, but still quite an interesting case load.

I think if you were happy to go in at senior associate or legal director level, you would be hugely employable (because they would get partner skills for a lower salary).

In-house? Probably not as much money but really varied work and reasonable hours.

I think your main issue here is the ML. If you want to stay entitled to that your options are limited and that in itself is stifling.

Being bored at work is awful, the only real answer if you don’t want to leave is to focus on the elements you do get some satisfaction from and make sure you’re simulated outside of work. Are there any other moves you could make inside the company?

I think that’s it - it’s the ML making me feel stuck - I guess if we have another DC I’ll then be able to think about moving on. Just not sure I’ll find anything as well paid/flexible but maybe second DC will mean I need to work less anyway to feel I get enough time with them, so maybe that will make decision for me.

Just hate feeling stuck and in limbo!!

Spoke to boss about making move inside to a PT fee earning role but he said it just won’t work part time (which it won’t in litigation)

If you can pay all bills from your husband's wage then the enhanced maternity pay isn't such a big reason to stay. The extra money would be great but you don't need it.

Hello! I'm a senior associate in litigation at a regional from. I used to work for a bigger firm. I have 2 DC (5,3) one with SEN. I work 4 days. It's possible. You need to find the right firm! I sympathise with your boredom I can't imagine not being a fee earner.

I think the problem beanbag is that we want to upsize so will need my salary to be able to borrow what we need to to upsize.

My only reservation nailsoff is the hours - you know what it's like - you get an order to file something by 4pm monday on a friday and then you have to work all weekend. Or something kicks off and you have to either stay late or log on from home. Do I really want that again?? Or do I just put up with being bored out my brain at work but seeing plenty of my DC?

Think I'm wanting it all when it is impossible!

Can you go into a different department from litigation? Does your firm have any non contentious areas? (I litigate) and I don't see how you could do it part time i.e actually switching off and not putting the laptop on at the weekend and your days off. I'd be 'just having a look' i.e to see if the other side has accepted your p36 offer for example 🤷
Is a non contentious department an option?

P.s on the more stressful days, I often fantasise about a job in the post room... But I know id hate it and be bored. I couldn't think of anything worse than being bored at work.

Have you considered becoming involved in pro bono work, maybe Pro Bono Manager at a firm? We have two lawyers job sharing the manager job at work and doing 20 hours each. It's really interesting and doesn't have the same urgency as fee earning work.

I feel I don't have the skills to do NC as litigation is all I've ever done. And agree, you can't do litigation part time, no matter what anyone says. Part of the problem I had in my previous role was I gave too many fucks about my clients (whereas some of my fellow partners didn't!) and I think that made it even more stressful.

I do feel a little bit like a "no-one" as well having gone from that to where I am now - I no longer get invited to events like I used to. I know I'd rather spend time with my DC instead but I guess I just feel a bit annoyed at myself for not just manning up when times got tough and for hating it - surely I should've been enjoying this thing I trained for years for?!

@kenhomsbestwok - why should you?? You don't have to love every second of it just because you worked hard for it. As long as the good bits outweigh the bad, that's enough surely?