Job choices - AIBU to ask for help

[Merryoldgoat]

I need some help from impartial people. I’ll give some background but hopefully it won’t be a tome...

Current job:

£48k fte but three days so about £28k actual gross. 15-30min easy drive to work. Interesting but reasonably ‘easy’, mid-management (report directly to COO Equivalent). Masses of flexibility - easy about time for ill children, swapping days around, assemblies etc. No nonsense about sickness etc. No real benefits. Generally well respected and valued - nice place to work and I like it but I’m not challenged at present.

Possible new job:

£55k - £60k but would be full-time, hour long commute into London on tube (I detest the tube). More challenging, more senior, more potential development. However not much flexibility likely.

On paper it sounds like a no brainer, but...

Health

I’m not 100% since having my DS2 (who’s 18 months) and having a few tests/investigations - getting to appointments right now is easy. Would be trickier at new job.

Children

DS1 is 6 and has HFA, DS2 is 18m and HARD WORK. I’ve had quite bad PND but feel like I’m finally coming through the tunnel.

I worry a new job would be a stressor and the upheaval could negatively affect DS1 who is about to go into Yr2. He’s had a good year but I like being able to have availability to go into school, see teacher etc. New job would mean I never did drop off so if not get a relationship built with his teacher. He’s very able and happy currently - I don’t want anything to upset him and throw him off course.

DH

I’m just mentioning him because he’d support me whatever - he shares drop offs etc and is a fully participating parent. Schedules would need jiggling but we could probably do it.

Childcare

Currently using a CM for DS2 and AFC and CM and GP for DS2. We’d have to up it but we’d still be a bit better off if I took the other job and I’d get 30 free hours in 2 years which isn’t long really.

My gut is saying stick where I am but I’m definitely interested in the new job.

Bah. Any advice?

Honestly OP I’d stick with your current job for another little while. I also have a son with HFA - I worked 4 days until he was 7, then changed jobs and moved to full time. It nearly killed me - the stress of trying to navigate appointments and just feeling present enough to see what was going on with him in a new working environment where I was trying to make an impression, coupled with the loss of time for myself just caused me to burn out. Ended up quitting and taking a year out. Currently contemplating going back to work but trying to figure out how to find the right balance.

That being said, I’m not you, and you may handle it better ! Go with your gut.

Sorry, just re-read your post and saw that your gut is saying to stay!

I wouldn’t underestimate the value of being visible in school as well. I found the additional pressure on my own DS when he moved up the school and lessons became more formal and required more concentration caused him a lot of stress for a period. Am glad I was around to help him through it.

You know what? I think I needed to hear that. I feel like maybe I’m not pushing myself, but maybe that’s ok?

Thanks for taking the time to answer. I could talk to current job and see if there’s any scope for widening my role. The money actually isn’t the biggest factor, I’d just like some new stuff to work on.

I would stay, flexibility is invaluable.

That sounds like a great plan. I’d back yourself also - if you can keep your career going and your network up there will be opportunities in the future.

You take the new one and I'll have your old one - sounds perfect

Ask for development in your current role. It sounds like a great place to work, hopefully they’ll be amenable to stretching you

You are working, building a pension. You are able to manage having children (something many of us find difficult) as well as work. Your OH is supportive. Stay put. The new job will also be there in a few years time when your children are settled and your own health situation is clear. It won't be the only opportunity to advance that you ever get.

Can you do some study / degree etc to challenge yourself if you need to?

I would also stay put. Flexibility is great when your DC are small, and that potential tube commute will get tedious very quickly. You can always look to move on & up in a few years, but work/life balance is invaluable & it sounds like you have that now. Widening your current role sounds like a good compromise if you could do that.

Can you do some study / degree etc to challenge yourself if you need to?

Yes, this is something I’ve considered too.

Stick with your current job and ask for additional responsibilities to stretch you. It sounds great.

Maybe a case of poor timing where the full time job may be suitable a couple of years down the line.

Thank you all!

@Idontwanttotalk

Yes, I felt like the timing was off.

Gosh your job situation is pretty much identical to mine! It's so hard. I feel your pain.

@Merryoldgoat - I was in your position a couple of years ago when I got myself a job that paid a bit more but meant more travel and lack of flexibility. A friend gave me a good advice that went like this "if you don't have peace when you think about starting this job, then it's the wrong move".
Yes you may increase your salary by about £8k, remember you'll pay more tax, pay more out on travel and less time with your children, and fret about calling in to work if one of them catches a cold or something.

Your time for career advancement will come, in the meantime, blossom where you are planted.

@23chilton

That’s a really good way to look at it.

Thank you.

I'd stick with the flexibility of your current job, 100%.

Absolutely stay put for now. The extra money will be eaten up in travel, etc.
And don't underestimate how tiring a commute, full days work and returning home can be.
Good luck.

Oh OP, I have found to my cost in the past that the grass is not always greener.
Sit back and look at what you have achieved in your career and your home life! You should be congratulating yourself!

You’re all so kind

I don’t feel like I’ve achieved much tbh but I do have lovely children and a happy marriage.

I could do with a bit more sex though...

Stick with your current job. Offers you a better lifestyle.

Plus once the 30 free hours kicks in we’ll be £700 a month richer - a sunny holiday beckons!

And you definitely won't get or want more sex. Too tired.

When you said it sounds like a no brainer, I assumed you meant to stay in your current job. I agree - it sounds like a very good set up and you can seek your challenges elsewhere.