To ask for advice re: bereaved mother?

[Bettyhop]

Really not sure how to proceed but I can't stop thinking about the situation.
In a cafe today with baby ds and a group of our mum and baby friends for some lunch. A woman walks in with her dh and looks over, she immediately bursts into tears and they both leave without ordering. As they are leaving, I realise I know her. She is a friend of a friend and I spoke to her at a wedding a few months ago when ds was a newborn and she was pregnant. I have since heard through our mutual friend that her son was stillborn a week after her due date. Truly tragic awful situation. If I had realised it was her at the time I'd have said hello and passed on my condolences. Aibu to message her now to offer my condolences? Or am I trying to make myself feel better as I feel so desperately sad for her. I don't want to make her feel any worse (I realise this is probably not possible)
Thank you

I am a bereaved mother.

If I was in her position today, the last thing I would want is a message from someone I was upset at seeing offering condolences when they hadn't done so before and we have next to no relationship.

I've had other people's guilt a lot over the years, it's coming from a good place, but it's about making you feel better, not her.

If you happen to see her again, that's a different matter, but don't seek her out.

No, don’t contact her. It will only make you feel better and not her.

I am also a bereaved mum (this year). I would probably send a message to say you are so sorry and thinking of her, but in all honesty it probably won’t make a difference (it might make you feel better though!). I received lots of messages when dd died suddenly and didn’t respond to most. I hated people for months but still remember some of the messages from near strangers and the kindness they showed. At the end of the day it won’t bring her baby back but might make things easier if you happen to bump into each other again.

I think you'd be better off messaging your mutual friend to see if it's a good idea, but not saying anything too outing about the woman being upset. Perhaps just that you saw her and wanted to check with your mutual friend how this woman is?
Something along the lines of you weren't sure whether to pass on your condolences in such a public place, so wanted to check with mutual friend first? But at the same time you wanted to offer the woman support.
In all fairness, and please don't take this the wrong way, but she's probably going though enough without having to converse with people she's only met in passing,
that know what has happened to her & her family.
Also it must be tough on her to think that it could of been her joining your mum's & babies group had things been different.

I agree that it's such an awful situation and that you are probably feeling so sad and want to help, but it would be my opinion to test the waters first with mutual friend.

Another bereaved mum here. No, don’t contact her. It probably wasn’t you personally she was upset about, it was the group and the age of the children in it. That’s how I feel, anyway. It’s entirely possible she didn’t even recognise you as someone she vaguely knew.

Thank you all for giving your perspective. I think I'm trying to make myself feel better. If I bump into her again I will definitely speak to her but won't seek her out x