‘He won’t want to know you in a year’

[Stripyseagulls]

My lovely DS is off to secondary in September- we are really close & he’s still very sweet & cuddly. I know it won’t last for ever but i’m enjoying it at the moment.

All people keep saying to me though is ‘he won’t want to know you in a year’ ‘that’s it, you’ll lose him now’ etc.

Aibu to be fed up of these types of comments- I know my kids are growing up but I hope to always have a good relationship with them- it’s just making me feel so sad. I know it’s a time of change but I feel like people keep rubbing in this idea that I have lost my son now

If it helps my DD has just finished her first year in secondary and still wants to know me.

Your relationship might change but it isn’t a given that it will be negative!

Good luck

My ds is 13, going into year 9, and he still hugs and kisses me and we have a great relationship. He can be a PITA, but he's still him

Rubbish. He will always need you and want to be around you.
People talk rubbish.

Yeah it’s nonsense, mine still wants to know me. Perhaps it says more about these so called friends’ relationships with their children

OP, my husband is nearly 30 and he still talks to his mum every day.

My DS has just finished year 7. He has grown up alot this year and is more independent but still likes lots of hugs. If you have a good relationship with him then it shouldn't change.
Just be prepared for stressed and tired for the first few weeks.

People just love to say negative things to you about the next stage of parenting. It's just human nature, I think.

They still know you of course, but shouldn't you wish for him to become more independent as he's now in secondary? It's good to be close, but at some point they have to start their own life, secondary is a small step.

My DC’s actually needed me a bit more in secondary. They faced knottier problems than in primary, and needed a listening ear. Not for me to solve their problems, just someone who could help them navigate the work/friendship/future issues.
Sometimes people just say things because they think that’s what should say.

That's absolutely ridiculous. My DCs have gone through secondary school and uni and are now out at work and guess what? - they still want to know me :)

It's true he will want to spend less time with you, but IME as they get older you actually become more important to them.

When they're tiny, a GP or childminder is fine, by the teens when they need you, they need you

They're all different, my boys certainly don't want hugs but they still enjoy a family dinner and at 16 & 18 have been given the choice about coming on a (very ordinary, low budget) holiday and have chosen to come without hesitation.

I think you do need to back off and find your own interests - I found I got very bored in that pre-teatime slot, when they were in but not "with" me iyswm

Ime the older they get the more they truly appreciate a free family holiday! My boys are 20 and 28 and they still want to know me.

He may seem to drift away a little bit (perhaps for a few years) as he finds his feet and gains more independence but he will always be your baby and you'll always be his mum. Nothing and no one can compete with that! My DH (34) and DB (33) have fantastic relationships with our mums. They are in regular contact (think every second day) by phone/txt and enjoy spending time together as often as possible. Your relationship will change as your DS gets older but the bond will continue to strengthen. Don't worry and take what others say with a pinch of salt. There may be times that you feel your relationship is ropey but that's all part of them growing up and it won't last forever x

Don't listen to them. He will change and grow in secondary school, will make new friends and will find himself but you wont loose him and your his mum and that will never change. My partner is in his mid 20s and he always speaks highly of his mother.

My dc are now 15 and love a good cuddle, we are just as close as we ever were. It’s okay to love your teenagers, they are not all growing three heads and a coke habit

I found they need you in very different ways. I maintained the emotional side of things by being able to be around as much as possible. Not necessarily doing things together, but just being there making dinner, or watching something on telly together, or all the driving around.

Things get further away and later and you know less about what's going on in their lives, but that's how it should be. I think it's about giving them the opportunity to talk.

I was fortunate to start working full time from home when DS2 started school, so for him I'm around on a practical level, but I think it actually had more of a positive impact on DS1 (10 years old) as he went though 6th form.

My 25yr old DS still wants to know me.He has his own house in the next town but still enjoys dropping round for a chat.Yesterday he contacted me to ask if I fancied going out for ice cream since it was such a lovely evening.

It's rubbish. I think they need you more as teens. Life is a lot more complex than it used to be and often more pressured.

What a load of bollocks.

My son has just ended year 7 and he's the best ever! He's hilarious, he's kind, he's insightful, he swears far too much and crosses the line and has to be towed back in but he's fantastic.

YANBU

My oldest is nearly 19, he is still loves cuddles and little chats.

Stop listening to them

Nah - mine just finished Y13 and he's metal as fuck but still up for a hug and a chat. He goes to see his Granny every day too! Don't listen to them ...

What they mean is that they want more of their own space and spend more time in their rooms and with their friends. It's fine, I can remember being a teenager just about. Don't make the mistake that they don't need you though, be there for them.

I think it actually had more of a positive impact on DS1 (10 years OLDER) as he went though 6th form.

Thanks everyone- it’s made me feel better about it all!