To ask what's the point?

[LosingItABit]

After getting a bit down a rabbit hole on google last night I got into a panic attack thinking about life and it fleeting-ness. I can't seem to stop thinking of it and now feel really down about it and was hoping for some insight if anyone has any.

Why on earth do I and billions of people have children when we know one day they will die?

Before I had kids I didn't think about this. But I exist to live life and bring my kids up, and I know I will die and can accept that. But my kids? To know that they will die one day, hopefully after a long and very happy life, makes me ache with sadness. I hope I will be long gone when it happens but why the hell did I and others have children when they too will die eventually?

I just can't seem to get past this. I love my kids, they are my entire world, but I'm not sure I did the right thing having them when they will die one day and potentially live in fear of that.

Sorry for the depressing post but I can't get this out of my head and google doesn't have the answers. FWIW I'm terrified of the effect mine and their dad's deaths will have on them too, but I hope that they will support each other. Thank you in advance.

Because until we die, we LIVE. We love, we learn, we dance, cry, sing....
We recently had a death in the family. My four year old blew me away when she talked about how X was dead, but the love was still here and always would be, and that she was glad to have had that love, even though it made her sad that X had gone.

I hate to think that one day my DC won't be here, but the alternative is that they never were, and that's far worse

@CastleCrasher

I've never thought of it that way, and thank you. My life without my children is unimaginable and I'm so grateful to have them.

@CastleCrasher Also I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope I time things will be easier.

I don't think there's any topping castles response. Anything going on with you op? Feeling sad about anything else?

@Moominfan I'm just having a tough time with feeling like I'm letting my kids down a lot lately. I'm scared they will grow up hating me for bringing them into this world. My DP (their dad) thinks I'm being silly but I went through being suicidal as a teen and want so much more for my babies. Sorry for unloading on you a bit there

@LosingItABit thank you. I meant to say, while I think we all get a bit melancholy sometimes about death (or the prospect of it) it shouldnt take over your life or your enjoyment of your dc - if this is becoming an issue for you, have you thought about taking to someone about it? I hope you can move past it

Castle has nailed what I wanted to say, far more eloquently than I could.

Op- I've had periods of severe depression and suicidal feelings, but whenever that happens I find that slowly as the fog rises, and I can see more of life again, I am so grateful. Life is not perfect. It's often not even good. But there is perfection and good in every day. Laughing, sleeping, eating, a sip of warm tea, stroking a dog, reading a book, a warm bath, clean sheets, and all the other small but beautiful things to be grateful for each day. That's without the big things that we can be grateful for. Friends, family, children , love and the kindness of strangers- astounding just how much we have.

I had a heart scare at 43 and the thought of leaving my dc and them having to be without me just made me appreciate the time we do have together. Not in a spoil them way, but just make the most of where we live and what we have.
Eye- opener I can tell you..

Must admit I am feeling very much the same since losing my dad last year to terminal pancreatic cancer :( its been just over 7 months and I cant get my head around how he was here and now is just gone forever.
I really do sometimes sit and think what is the point in it all

CastleCrasher's posts are lovely and I agree it is very normal to get down about it. I was reading just the other day, can't remember where, about how one of the issues of parenthood is knowing we've not only created life, but also inevitably death that I think you're describing well LosingItABit.

For me, the meaning is creating meaning. It may not be eternal or world impactful, but it's meaning I'm creating and in down times I focus on that.