...to not know what to do in this situation?

[stilldontgiveaf]

I'll try and keep this as simple as possible.

I have a friend, who is older than me. She is the same age as my mother, but we became friends as my son used to be in the same primary school together with her daughter. Sometimes same classes. After I moved schools, we remained in contact on and off over the years.

The situation is extremely complicated for me as I'm at a loss of how to be.

This week she had her child removed from her care by social services. There has been ongoing issues and accusations from her daughter since 2017 never engaged with social services. She hated them as she had previously had issues with two of her sons. They were put in foster care before I knew her. She always spoke about it, but I was told that she went to social for help during a mental breakdown and they were sent to their biological fathers. Then some how the ended up in foster care and she wasn't allowed them back. I don't fully understand the situation.

So, now they have gotten involved with her youngest child and she's now been removed by a court order on the basis of emotional abuse and neglect.

I begged her from day one to engage with social. I knew if she didn't, things would escalate and now they have dramatically. She was adamant she'd done nothing wrong and even threatened a social worker with violence.

Leading up to this court proceeding to have her child removed, she would constantly tell me if she loses her then she is going to kill herself. She told me when she does, she wants me to fight social services to make sure they know they did wrong and caused her death.

Fast forward to the day the child is taken, she rings me to tell me that she's gone and she's now turning her phone off and never wants to go home. She's staying at an ex of hers a few hours away but she still wants to kill herself.

I literally begged her to engage with social regardless of her anger towards them. If she had, her child would still be here now. Yet I don't know how to comfort her. I obviously want to call her and make sure she's ok, but I'm frustrated that she never listened to me over the years. I'd make sure she was here so I could look after her, but I have two children living here and I'm pregnant. I can't run the risk of social becoming involved with my children due to her having hers removed.

Any advice would be appreciated. I'm so conflicted.

Report her suicide threats to the police and walk away nothing you can do.
Ss don't take kids from loving stable homes, also this is the 3rd child to be taken into care.

With all kindness, this is not your monkey.

You did everything you could. She was a grown adult and knew the consequences.

Suicide threats are emotional blackmail.

As pp said, report the threats for welfare; then tell her firmly you love her and will be there when she chooses to re-engage with real life.

Agree with stressedout10 report and walk away. Your friend is not telling you the whole story

It has been very confusing trying to figure out what happened.

A few people I've spoken to have said similar things as in it isn't my issue. I just know if anything happened, I don't think I could forgive myself.

I considered contacting the police, but I don't actually know where she is exactly. No idea where her ex lives.

I mean this nicely but I think you need to take a step back and disengage yourself mentally and emotionally. You’ve done your best to help her and you can’t really do anything further. No-one has three children removed from them without good reason.

There are hoops, more hoops and even more hoops to removing a child from it's parent/s. There is a much bigger picture here you aren't being told about. SW will move heaven and earth to keep families together, despite opinion to the contrary.

Disengage and back away - oh and the social aren't going to take away your children because you are a friend of this woman - not unless you are storing her drugs or something daft. Then they might consider it.

Do you know vaguely which area she lives in? It is likely the police will be able to track her down with limited info. Her name, age, name of her children etc. Any information really. If she has been violent previously she will be on the police database. Call them and pass on your concerns with as much info as possible then walk away.

You don't need to know where you friend is to warn the police she is making threats to kill herself. I've had to call them after receiving a goodbye message from a friend (who had taken steps to end his life then disappeared). They were really great (and they found him and his life was saved).

@IAskTooManyQuestions I know they won't take them away from me because she'd be here. I just fear any form of involvement with them. I don't want to deal with that.

I'm going to call her to make sure she is still at his home. I suppose is any more threats are made of suicide then I'll have to make a call to the police.

If anymore threats*

I agree with others - she has not lost three children for no good reason. You really have no idea what is actually going on.

I salute you for your concern for a friend, but this is not your problem. You need to take a deep breath, step away, and focus on your own family.

I just know if anything happened, I don't think I could forgive myself.

Er, why?

You did your best, what more is there? Stop volunteering to be responsible for another person's actions.