To feel like you shouldn't tell your children about affairs if you're going to stay together?

[gingerbreadsprinkle]

I'm really frustrated at the moment.

Ever since I was growing up my mum pitted me against my dad and all bad things about myself as well as my siblings were down to my dad's genes.

I understood she was upset because my dad had told her he had an affair. I felt bad for her so I always took her side. The issue is they fight and still fight constantly, they are still married. The affair happened 17 years ago. I feel like my mum is emotionally abusing my dad now that they're older and also me in a way. I'm pregnant so I'm just over it right now, I don't want to deal with her. I used to feel guilty but I just can't anymore.

Am I being wrong for being upset that she hates 50% of me, my dad's family, my dad and pitting me against all of it?

I feel like if you're going to stay in a marriage, don't tell your kids about all the crap that goes on. What is the point? It sours relationships and the negative comments never end.

AIBU to feel like you shouldn't tell your children about affairs if you're going to stay together?

I don't think parents should tell children about affairs whether they stay together or not. Its very selfish when parents offload their relationship problems onto their children.

I don't think parents should tell children about affairs whether they stay together or not. Its very selfish when parents offload their relationship problems onto their children.

It's challenging because I would like to say the same but I can understand that children might question why their parents divorce moreso if they're older.

You are certainly not being unreasonable. No child needs to know about a parent's affair (unless they find out). Your mother stayed with your dad so presumably he gave up the affair but it sounds as though she has never forgiven him and he never hears the end of it. You should never have had to be a witness to that and your mother was wrong to take it out on you, as if you were somehow to blame.

Many congratulations on your pregnancy . Good things are around the corner.

YANBU I know WAY more about my parents' cheating than any offspring needs to know. They drag you in and make you a pawn in their fucked up lives. Mine are still together too, I don't speak to them now for many reasons including this!

I don't think parents should tell children about affairs whether they stay together or not.

This. Some things are inappropriate to share with your children. When I was a teenager my mother would treat me like her therapist (I did not volunteer for this) and tell me about all her problems with my father, including how he unsuccessfully pressured her to get an abortion when she was pregnant with my older brother. I wish I didn't know this stuff and it has messed me up.

I'm with @KylieKoKo

YANBU. You are always a parent first to your children, a friend second if you are lucky. But your job is to protect them - even as adults. It's not appropriate for kids - even those of the adult variety - to know this about their parents. There should be other confidantes upon whom to offload such delightful little nuggets. Keep the children well out of it.

@Rachelover40

Thank you for your really thoughtful post.

@FatThor and @MamaOomMowWow

I wish they didn't do this to us.