AIBU or is my ex? To not want to pack a bag for the kids?

[Bringbackmeclothes]

I’m sick to the back teeth of not getting the clothes back every fucking time he drops the kids off on Sunday night. I pack 2 outfits, pyjamas, socks and knickers. I get back one outfit and that’s it. So I spend all week reminding him to bring the clothes with him, come Friday he comes to the house with no clothes, expecting the kids to be ready and have a bag packed. I’ve just bought new summer clothes for the kids, and I know I’m already missing 2-3 shorts/T-shirt’s and a few dresses/jumpsuits. He lives with his partner, and I know she’s the one who looks after my children. Gets up with them every morning to give them breakfast , bathes, clothes, brushes DDs hair, washes their clothes. I haven’t met his partner yet, but I know all of this because my kids tell me. All he has to do is to just sort their clothes out that’s it, and he can’t even do that. This is one of the main reasons why we split, his laziness.

He’s a good dad in the sense that he loves his kids and wants to see them all the time, they stay at his house every weekend and he pops round once or twice during the week to see them after school. He lives 10 mins from me, but he’s so lazy and unreliable. AIBU to not pack a bag for the kids this weekend?

I think it’s generally expected that dads provide the clothes for when they have children. Also on your case their dad has lots of their clothes already so send them in what they’re wearing and leave him to it.

We have a whole wardrobe of clothes / shoes / swimming things at ours for my stepchild. We also get her to change as soon as she gets to ours and we pop them in her bag to go home in (we don't launder them as mum doesn't like us to).

Surely each parent buys clothes for use at their house, albeit some clothes will clearly go back and forward. I'd have thought each buys enough for the number of days they have the kids in the week, broadly speaking. So a parent with 5 days in the week buys 5/7ths ish of the clothes but not all clothes.

Make a list of what you have packed and give him a copy so he can tick things off before bringing them back. If he doesn't, he can put them in the wash and return them next time.

If you think he's a good Dad your expectations are WAY too low.

No more bag packing. Up to you whether you give him notice of that or not.

Every time he doesn't return the DC belongings with them you are forced to spent additional money on them...

How much of the maintenance for the DC ends up sat at his house in clothing..,

Just tell him he already has a load of clothes so you are not giving him any this weekend, or any other weekend until he returns them all and keeps returning them after each visit

Stop doing wife work by packing and washing for him.

My XH collects the kids in what they wear and has everything at his. Only thing that goes from house to house is sports kit

Has his partner got children?

His partner sounds like a lovely person (and also like she could do better than this jerk).

You're more patient than I would have been. Stop packing anything until and unless he returns everything.

Please dont send any more clothes. Their dad needs to step up.

Why is clothing such an issue. My DC's father wont let him wear the clothes I buy so when they go there they have to change and then eventually "my" clothes but too small are sent back to me. So wasteful. I did raise it in family court as being a good example of why when the dad claimed poverty that wasnt very truthful (as he has money to buy unnecessary additional high branded clothing).

@spongedog - I know right. Tbh her DD's Dad does buy her beautiful clothes (Boden etc) and I've seen her in pics of those (TikTok!) but they never come here. I'm fine with that! I buy her stuff from Primark, F&F, Sainsburys. Stuff like winter boots, coats, school uniform, sports gear (expensive stuff!) goes between house to house. But we've a week hol in the sun next week and all her new summer clothes are at his, away on his holiday with her at the moment from which he arrives back the evening before we leave - this is going to be a nightmare and I'm stressed! I can refuse to buy new clothes but then she may end up with one pair of shorts for the whole week.

Sorry @Bringbackmeclothes for derailing your thread.. but I really feel your pain. But I think as another poster said, you are kind of being a bit of a wife to him. Which does need to stop. xx

Stop packing a bag.

I have friends that split up and I was surprised that the dad had to provide clothes for the DCs when he had them. But then realised it made total sense. He knows what they are doing for the weekend, ie spending it in the woods or a nice lunch out with family. So how is the ex or you op supposed to know what to pack in the first place.

Secondly why should the ex have to then wash it all. Nice new clothes get grass stains that you spend the week soaking and scrubbing.

You each buy clothes for the DCs for use.