Are my own issues around my weight affecting my thoughts/worries about DD's weight?

[Talcott2007]

I've seen a couple of posts recently on the subject of children's weight and kept starting to write a comment but then stopping as I didn't want to hijack the other OP's threads with something that might be my own issue and I guess I need a reality check.

So some background - I am currently considerably overweight (Size 22/24) at my biggest I was a size 28 but joined SW and lost just under 4 stone getting as 'small' as a size 20 but then I was then made made redundant and had a rough 12 months and my confidence and mental health all took a blow so while our family diet has always been very healthy home cooked it was far too easy to fall back into bad habits of comfort eating junk at night or during my ridiculous commute to the temp jobs i was having to do for a while (eg. never around DD or DH) so obviously the weight has crept back up to where I am now.

The good news is I am now in a much much much better place, great new job within my industry and very local to where I live so brilliant work life balance etc so I am ready to get back in control of my own weight loss journey again.

BUT the issue is that i am worried about my DD3 weight and I don't know if I have lost perspective on it because on my own weight problems.

She is currently hovering around the 91st for weight but only 50th for height. Despite this everyone always says how tall she seems compared to others her age

She has always fluctuated between 75th-91st for weight and 50th-75th for height but this is the first time there has been a gap of 2 curves between H&W! There are no rolls on her either - she gets a slightly 'rounded' look to her tummy after a meal but it goes flat against soon as she goes the the toilet (if you know what i mean!) she is just solid looking and so strong you wouldn't believe it.

She genuinely eats an amazing range of food not fussy AT ALL - she loves her food and 99% is healthy and home cooked, we obviously watch potion sizes too but this is a child who asks for and eats bowlfuls of plain lettuce as a 'snack' anyway!

I collect her from Nursery every day and we walk home together (30 mins) She has had a weekly swimming lesson for the last year and we also do lots of other actives as a family at the weekend. She will also be starting at a local gymnastics school with a proper instructor for weekly hour session in August.

Nursery have agreed to also watch her portion sizes too but have actually said to me I don't have anything to worry about she isn't over weight when I have asked their thoughts. Friends and family also say the same thing (including a family member who is a retired HV) - but according the to bloody NHS calculators she is Very Over Weight!

Am I right to be worried about her weight or is this just me being oversensitive about it because of my own problem?

How old is your DD?

I have a 2 year old and tbh i couldnt tell you how she rates on the nhs calculator. Shes tall for her age too. She eats well and is fully active. I see no reason to worry any further than that.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers She's just turned 3

I am overweight, on SW and always struggled with my weight. My mum was overweight as well so am sure its related.

I am VERY aware of my childrens weight - too many stats thrown out how overweight parents have overweight children etc and really don't want them to have the same issues I have had over my life.

I would say you are probably being a bit too sensitive about it, but not wrong to keep a discreet eye on it.

I would say try to get them moving more than worry about what they are eating if the diet is generally good. A swimming lesson is probably not burning as much energy as running around the garden park etc as I know at our lesson there is some downtime as others do things.

I am not the most active person so have forced myself to walk as much as I can with them.

I am lucky my daughter is tall and her centiles are the opposite to you, but she has slowed in height growth a bit (luckily as is the average height of 6 year old at 4!) but appetite is still the same, so am keeping an eye on things.

I actually think you are right to be concerned. Your DD is lucky to have a parent who’s keeping a discreet eye on her weight. My DS loves all types of food too and is just a little chubby at the moment. I am aware of it and am taking steps to get him more active, and slightly reduce his portions.
There are so many overweight kids today. It’s really sad and worrying.

So her portion sizes are correct, (palm of her hand = portion), she gets plenty of exercise. That seems ok. All you can do now is check what makes up her diet. Dr Jason Fung's research and lectures are interesting.

If she is getting overweight with regard to the charts also maybe question how you yourself got overweight. Personally I found my satiety after meals changed a lot when I went low carb with higher protein. Not suggesting you give your child that diet but it does make you question what constitutes healthy. If she is getting hungry maybe you would find more protein and fat in her main meals satiates better than more starch for example. It doesn't necessarily look that different. Put one small potato with a roast dinner, full portion of meat and gravy, rest of the plate filled with green veg for example.

It probably is worth keeping an eye on. How active is she when she’s playing? Activities have a role but having seen my 3 year old in swimming lessons, she only really gets 20 mins of proper activity and I think active play probably makes more difference at this age.

@Noodledoodledoo - I don't actually like exercise either but I'm so much more active myself now simply encouraging dd to do more together! I'd agree that swimming lesson isn't what i would call high impact yet as she i still very much learning but she has to start some where with that. The daily nursery walks involve a bloody big hill too. Weekends revolve around outside activities like the park/woods out on her bike and scooter or trips to the beach. I'm really hoping the private gymnastics will make a difference.

I will have a look the link @silverystream Thanks. But yes the palm of her hand is the basic rule we follow anyway. I was actually a perfectly normal sized child myself despite being brought up on a diet of fish fingers and oven chips - my own weight gain didn't really start until I was in my teens following my parents divorce - I am an emotional eater for sure!

So portion sizes are fine.

Tweaking the constitution of meals and types of activity is all that is less. It sounds like you are well on your way with the activities so looking at overall nutrition is the next step,

Left not less.

Have you a FitBit of similar tracker with which you can track your own steps? If she is with you it'll give you an idea of the level of family activities, walks and suchlike. You can also track your own food, it'll give you macros as well as your own calorie burn and intake.

The food tracker on FitBit is simple to use. Big database of food stuffs which you just select what you've eaten.

Sounds like you are on the ball. As a pp said there is a lot of evidence to suggest overweight parents have overweight children. I am overweight, BMI 29 and I am very discreetly conscious of my children’s weight for that reason. DH is a runner so he is really slim so that definitely helps our situation but mothers weight and activity level are the most important predictor.

It is portion size and food constituents that are 90% of the problem for weight gain and activity is 10% of the problem. Both need to be right but the food is the most important one imho.

I think you’re being sensibly aware. Two thirds of children in the UK are overweight or obese and I suspect it’s largely because parents who are overweight themselves have lost sight of what normal weight looks like.

Don't worry about her weight at all. They often get a little thicker round the middle before a growth spurt, when the weight and height rebalance. You are good to be aware that your own issues could impact on her and to be careful they don't.

Thanks for the responses all. Hadn't thought about a Fitbit @silverystream That might be the way to go. I might do a food diary for a couple of weeks too to make sure there isn't anything obvious I'm missing. But again I dont want to become too obsessive in case DD somehow picks up on it and that in turn gives her issues!

I guess it doesn't help that DD is in nursery full time so eats 2x of her week day meals
outside of my direct control (so I have added mom guilt to my anxiety of the situation) I've met with the catering manager though and trust that the food they get is great quality approapriate portions and all made on site etc.

I hate feeling like people must think - fat Mum + a big child = lazy Mum who doesn't give a shit! Which is so far from the truth!

But again I dont want to become too obsessive in case DD somehow picks up on it and that in turn gives her issues!

You'll be fine! Just eat normal meals but with correct portions and constituents etc and log your diary when she's not around. FitBit or similar does make it very easy, though, you can log the food on your phone/ tablet. When I have had to diet, the phrases 'I love lots of salad/vegetables' became a mantra to my D.C. Not bad for them either to eat them. Always try to make your food and healthy meals a positive.

I hate feeling like people must think - fat Mum + a big child = lazy Mum who doesn't give a shit! Which is so far from the truth!

Nearly everyone I know is concerned about weight/eating right so you are really not alone. People have no right to judge. If it were so easy there wouldn't be so many overweight people.

You sound like you’re on the ball and you’re right to keep an eye on things.
In terms of activity levels, have a think about the winter when the walk home from nursery might not be possible (assuming it’s a late afternoon pick up). It’s a struggle on week days in the winter. So glad I got the DC a console for Xmas as Just Dance was a saviour in January and February. I did it too and it’s one helluva workout!!

I think you're being a great parent, to both be aware of potential issues and also be aware of your own potential bias.

It's really hard to venture an opinion without actually seeing what your daughter looks like though, as people's perception can be skewed.

I think the reasonable thing to do is log her diet for a few weeks and see if anything pops up. Use an app if that helps (but make sure it's a reliable one).

Children can get chubby before a growth spurt but they don't get "very overweight" out of thin air. And calories can be sneaky ! Also, maybe you should still take a closer look at portion sizes - those are hard to eyeball ! One thing you could do is make what looks to you like a reasonable serving size, and then measure/weigh the food to check your perception is adequate.

You might also consider asking her pediatrician for a check-up. He can tell you if he thinks there's a problem, and also maybe check if there is any other issue that could cause weight gain.

@Malyshek She definitely hasn't just got very over weight out of nowhere she has always been solidly built. Her weight has always been 1 line above her height eg. 50th/75th or 75th/91st but the last time measured around her birthday it had changed to 2 line gap 50th/91st which has freaked me out tbh because rationally I know that I am doing all the things that I 'should' be doing to keep a handle on it but its doesn't seem to be working!

@Lazydaisies hit the balance I want to get 'discreetly conscious' of her weight

Have you tried to put her weight and height into the nhs healthy weight calculator? that should give you an idea where she is.
Kids need an awful lot of exercise , much more than adults usually think.
you are right to intervene gently now - she will never know it has ever been a potential issue and grow up with healthy habits!