To not be able to cope & ask everyone to go away?

[AnxiousWreckAgain]

I feel I may explode and I really need to know if it's me, and what I do.

Pertinent facts are probably that DP and I got engaged earlier this year, and are knee-deep in wedding planning, which I am not enjoying. He's just changed jobs and is now working 90 minutes away, doing something much better for him, but he won't be paid until the end of September. I am newly self-employed and feeling the pressure. I can't drive at the moment due to medical issues. I also have bipolar and anxiety, the former nobody knows about. It is bad. The mental health services here can't see me until October.

I feel that I am constantly being pulled in all directions. I have been very honest with everyone that I am stressed and don't have much money right now, but I am still having to turn down best friend daily when she texts asking if I want to come over or go out or what we're doing tonight. She's got 5 weeks off work now, and is bored, and I get that... but I work full-time, even if I'm at home.

We spent all Friday evening and Saturday day/evening with my friends last weekend, all Sunday with DP's. This weekend was going to be quiet and relaxed, but DP's mum got upset that she hadn't seen him in six days so we ended up seeing her... and friend got upset that I'd seen them and not her. Explained how stressed and unhappy I am, how tight money is... she was supportive and said we'd see about something in the week... she's sent me an email this morning asking if me and DP want to go out to eat tonight. The wider group is meeting for breakfast tomorrow morning, I can't really afford it but was debating going to keep the peace.

I don't want to be left out of everything but saying no all the time is making me feel really guilty and anxious. I can't handle all the demands on my time right now. I walked 6 miles to try and clear my head after work yesterday, but nothing is working and I'm worried it's going to spiral out of control. DP cannot take time off to look after me right now, and we can't afford for me not to get paid.

Is this something I just have to cope with? I love them all to pieces, but I just want some time. The doctor has given me Diazepam and Propanolol but they only calm me until someone or something else demands my time and then I just want to sob.

So your best friend and partner know you have bipolar? Do you have a diagnosis/have you had treatment before? If you've previously been on a mood stabiliser I would ask your GP to re-start your previous treatment (assuming that kept you stable) whilst you wait for a review from the mental health team. You really do need to prioritise looking after yourself and saying no so you have time to relax, as like you say you really can't afford to have a full blown relapse. Having support from your partner and best friend if they know about your diagnosis would be helpful. Hope you feel better soon x

*Do not so!

Partner does, best friend used to but it hasn't been referenced in probably over a decade so she's probably forgotten.

It's a good idea to ask the doctor about restarting my crisis combo, I'll do that, thank you

You have to put yourself first! You absolutely have to or you will reach a point and then just fall over mentally. I struggle with anxiety and when I have too many demands on my time I end up in a mess so I can imagine how you must be doing with bipolar as well. Could you email people and be really clear that you're not coping well and you're taking 3/4 weeks whatever to have some really quiet time and focus on clearing your head and your schedule so you won't be available for ANY socialising until x date (and be specific on a date). Say that you'd rather no-one contacted you with any requests for your company until that date and if they do it'll be a definite no. Be obvious. They won't accept anything less. And then stick to it. If you've told them it's no in advance they can't complain when they say 'could you...' and you immediately say 'no'. And send DP to his mum's alone.