Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the ‘end of an era’ feeling?

40 replies

Bellini12 · 23/07/2019 07:12

DD2 is leaving our village primary tomorrow. We’ve had a (on the whole) really positive experience.
She doesn’t reach well to change, neither do I!
She’s the youngest in the class and always felt like we were one year behind (although academically she has caught up over time).
She’s made some wonderful friends who are all going to the local huge, secondary, but DD will be going to a different school in a different village (joining her sister). I know this will be right for her in the future.
I’m feeling a mixture of sadness, guilt, almost grief, anxiety all rolled into one (obviously keep all these feelings from DD but she is feeling them too, in buckets).
I’ve helped out so much in the school, I also feel like I’m leaving a P/T job!
Not to mention the sadness that my DD’s are growing up.
So many mixed emotions to deal with on top of every day life!

Someone come and talk some sense into me!

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 23/07/2019 07:16

I get it. The end of a good era is always sad and you don't know how the next one will pan out. It's OK to feel sad.

user87382294757 · 23/07/2019 07:17

Is she your last DC? (youngest I mean). I too am having these feelings with my last, second DC who is going into Year 6. It is a feeling of loss for me, as they are both growing up. I try and make myself feel better with thoughts of how it some ways it will be easier- they can walk to school, be more independent, but it isn't easy. She will adjust as will you. But in some ways it is the end of their childhood and start of a new time.

Bythebeach · 23/07/2019 07:21

I feel this. DS2 has had the most amazing years at primary. Started in the attached nursery just after his 3rd birthday. Has made such good friends and grown so much in confidence. The mums of his friends have become my friends in a slow-burn over-the-many years way. DS1 it felt less of a wrench and although he enjoyed primary he didn’t have such a close and well suited group of friends and was very ready for secondary. DS3 still has years and years of primary but I’m less involved with his class and out of synch with the parents as there are many younger families with the first child being DS3’s age and I’m the only old fogey with a teen and pre teen.

loulouljh · 23/07/2019 07:23

My eldest is also leaving primary today after a great time and I feel all of the above...we have a leavers assembly shortly and I am sure that's going to be very emotional...

It's not just the leaving but the thought of starting again at another school -which will be alot different to primary-and all that entails...

Original poster
Bellini12 · 23/07/2019 07:26

Yes, she’s my youngest. Only 2 years between my kids so it feels like just when I’ve got used to one dealing with new experiences, the other one then goes through it!
Most of my friends have younger kids so have all this to come.

I’m just feeling so incredibly sad (and enormous guilt that we are
taking her away from her friendship circle) even though I know they will stay in touch.

Pastures new can be scary, especially to a very sensitive child. Ironically, that is why we have picked a smaller, more nurturing secondary school.

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 23/07/2019 07:29

Felt none of that. Was exciting seeing them go on to next phase. They were excited/bit nervous too. Other than missing a couple teachers don’t think they gave it another thought. Mind you most kids moved to the same school within them.
My son (15) now leaving to go to apprenticeship college and half of the kids are also leaving - no one seemed that emotional, again just excited at next chapter!

Original poster
Bellini12 · 23/07/2019 07:30

bythebeach my scenario sounds similar to yours. DD1 didn’t gel with anyone closely and wasn’t too unhappy about leaving. DD2 is in a tight group and so sad about not seeing her mates every day.

It will also be more inconvenient to get to school as I will have to drive more!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 23/07/2019 07:31

I understand. I hate change.

I never got upset at first days...I hate last days though.

On my ds last day at primary school, I felt myself well up looking at him with his little sister and realising it was the last time they'd walk to school together....Sad

stucknoue · 23/07/2019 07:32

Wait until your youngest leaves school - being the parent of adult kids is really weird!

WhiteDust · 23/07/2019 07:38

I’ve helped out so much in the school, I also feel like I’m leaving a P/T job!

I understand. You won't be involved with the actual school as much - secondary/senior schools don't have parent helpers. You will miss that but your DC at least need you more than ever during the teenage years. They say they don't but they do.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 23/07/2019 07:40

My children are all grown up now but I experienced just what you are experiencing - that sense of grief and loss as if the rug was being pulled from under me and everything was shifting and strange.
I felt it when they left primary but actually felt it more acutely when they left secondary. The only thing I would say is that it does pass - just feel what you are feeling for now and in just a short amount of time you'll be immersed in the summer holidays and then, in a short while, looking at getting organised for the new school term.
Your feelings are completely legitimate and they will pass.

Debbiecurtbag · 23/07/2019 07:42

Part of it for me is also a reminder that I am getting older. Life is whizzing by.

SudowoodoVoodoo · 23/07/2019 07:44

Last days hit me more than first days.

I tend to feel things more concerning DS1 than DS2. He needs a bit more input and nurturing so I tend to have a closer relationship with staff over him and slightly more detached with DS2, and he's generally following to where DS1 is established.

I'm the kind that has to repress the urge to skip off on the first day, then repress the urge to be a blubbering mess on the last.

MsTSwift · 23/07/2019 07:45

Dd year 5 going into year 6 and wish she was leaving. She’s stuck in a catty little friendship group can’t wait for her to get to secondary upgrade her friends and have a richer life. She seem too old for primary is very grown up I feel over it too. So bored of the fairs people with little kids yelling when we do over that stage etc. So basically feel polar opposite to op Grin

formerbabe · 23/07/2019 07:46

I noticed lots of the parents whose youngest child was leaving didn't look too upset...I reckon they were relieved to be free of the school run Grin

MsTSwift · 23/07/2019 07:47

Absolutely former. This time next year I will be popping the champagne not sobbing away Grin

PollyPelargonium52 · 23/07/2019 07:52

You won't miss the school run lol.

Ds kept going back to visit for a few months but eventually stopped going to see his old primary school.

It took him a year to make new friends but he has been in secondary school 3 years and now is falling over friends.

He isn't good with change either. He was getting lots of detentions the first term!

PollyPelargonium52 · 23/07/2019 07:53

I imagine the feelings parents experience when their last child leaves secondary school must be really memorable. Definitely the end of an era by then!

MsTSwift · 23/07/2019 07:57

I don’t even do the school run dd goes under own steam result. Been at the school since 2010 - over it

Afternooninthepark · 23/07/2019 07:58

My dd (youngest child) leaves primary tomorrow. She is over the moon and can not wait to start secondary but I feel a real sense of melancholy over the whole thing. I was quite involved in the school whilst the kids were little and loved that time of our lives and feel a real sense of longing for those early days. I can not believe how quickly the last decade has flown by 😥 I will definitely not miss the school run though!!

Glurf · 23/07/2019 08:04

I totally understand your feelings.

Maybe some if it is guilt about separating her from friends. I have this very same thing too with a dd in year 5, who because of her additional needs will go to a different school from her friends.

Dd1 is at this other school and is thriving. However I'm not totally sure this will be the right school for dd2.

Could this be the case with you too?

EdWinchester · 23/07/2019 08:05

I think as a parent, it’s very sad when your youngest leaves primary. Was for us, anyway.

Sparklingbrook · 23/07/2019 08:05

There are so may end of eras.

Three tier here so Year4, Year 7 and Year 11 were all end of eras. More recently DS1 played the last football match with a team he had played for since he was 7 as they were all off to University. Sad

When DS2 went to 6th Form last year I had the realisation that I would never have to buy school uniform ever again. Shock

It all goes so fast...

Hadjab · 23/07/2019 08:11

I’m looking forward to the day my youngest leaves uni, then I’ll know my work here is more or less done.

She’s 12

BarkandCheese · 23/07/2019 08:13

My DD left primary on Friday and it was a very strange day with emotions running high. However I feel like we’ve moved on now, we took all her old uniform to the charity shop yesterday and we’re getting ready for our holiday next week. I’m sure I’ll have moments of misty eyed nostalgia here and there, but on the whole it’s a positive change, we can only move forward so we might as well embrace it.