To ask DD to put some washing on the line

[buttonmoonb4tea]

Just that. She's 11 nearly 12. Starts secondary school in September. Trying to give her small tasks to do. I've asked her to put some washing on the line. She refused then said if she has to she's not coming swimming later. I asked her roughly 5 times then lost my shit. She's doing it now but AIBIU. Is this too much to ask of her ?

Oh gosh the wifi will be disabled. Not sure how to disable the wife but I reckon she'd need to do more chores if we did. Feminism just took a massive hit there, apologies

Don't use a sledgehammer to crack a nut!

She must be disciplined, but if you take the phone away for a week you;ll have nowhere to go tomorrow when she's more arsey.

Or take it all away and make her earn it back.

It’s the lack of respect/refusal you need to sort...if your parent asks, you do...the household is not a hotel and all children need appropriate tasks to help them a) learn life skills b) be appreciative and generally a decent person.
Washing on line is easy, any response that isn’t pleasant should have a consequence. However tired you feel, follow through with not accepting surliness.

Taking into account @Nanny0gg's comment, take the phone/wifi etc for the time you are out. She isn't swimming, but she isn't on her phone either. If you want to extend that until the job is done, go for it.

Think you have mistaken her being forthright for being downright rude and now Dd is older is difficult to deal with. Task you mentioned is reasonable, take it you have earlier given guidance on how to hang the washing. You need to give her set tasks and if not completed then there should be set reprimands. Eg sanctions on pocket money, any kind of screen time, going out, music tv. What does she do when you are at work? If you have allowed her to stay on her own then tell her as she is acting like a five year old she will be treated like one and taken to a childminder. (I appreciate there may be cost issues but hopefully the threat will be enough to get DD to do as asked).

It was a job I hated at her age because it made my arms ache but it seems a reasonable expectation.

Start them young! I said this on here the other day- Ds14 the other day stripped and made his bed, emptied his bin, dusted and hoover, cleaned the bathroom (including the toilet), emptied the bin, then mopped the floor. He also cooks several nights a week. His brother 19 when home will do the same.

This morning I got up at 8am, Ds14 had emptied the washing machine and put it all the tumble dryer, and put another load of darks (all separated!)in the machine.

I never ask the kids to do this, only to pull out the sofa etc to hoover as they do forgot that part! But getting them used to skills that they need in life, is not being cruel, or unkind, it’s preparing them for life ahead (in my opinion!). Don’t get me wrong, they still drive me around the bend- stacking up plates on the worktop, when we have a fully functioning empty dishwasher underneath🤯. But I’m learning to choose my battles!!!

My dd is v similar and can be astoundingly incompetent which I'm not certain isn't deliberate although I don't think it is.
Just keep asking and getting her to do tasks however reluctantly and however much easier and quicker it would be to do it yourself. I remind myself that one day in the not so distant future she will need to have these skills

OP, do not put up with this.
It will only get worse.
Read her the riot act and make her life a lot less comfortable.

I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask for help.
Any cheeky/ rude response or ignoring of job and the wifi gets turned off.

I have removed phones too.

Start as you mean to go.

Consistency is crucial, and follow through with any threat.

I really believe in consequences and repeating same.

You choose the behaviour, you choose the consequences.

Children/teens only change their behaviour because of self interest.

They cop on very quickly when it suits them to do so.

Good luck.

Thanks everyone. You're right she's rude. I will take her phone and it will have to be earned back. And yes I'm trying to teach her life skills that she will need in the not so distant future.

My mum taught me but struggled with my sister because quite frankly she was rude. Now my sister lives like a pig and she subsequently regularly feels low because of it. She also too has failed to teach her DC basic life skills so the cycle continues sadly.

I don't want that for my DD so she's just going to have to suck it up I'm afraid.

For those who have asked she doesn't stay home alone when I'm at work. She goes to my mums who she can sometimes be equally as rude to.

I do leave her for an hour or so alone on the odd occasion so yes can start setting her tasks to do whilst I'm out.

Thanks for the support. Yes I'm tired today and hormonal but it's good to know INBU.

This has reminded me of when l first started work. l worked full time, including two late nights. l did my own washing, ironing and cooking.
My mother didn't work, but she complained that l did 'nothing' in the house.
This from a woman who refused to have an automatic washing machine and insisted on using a twin tub (in the 1980s). And did the washing on a Saturday so that my dad was there to 'help'.
She was mid 50s at the time, no health problems. My dad worked full time as well.
lt astonishes me these days how some kids throw a strop at being asked to do something that takes literally five minutes. l'm a stepmother, and the two boys were always keen to cook (not much else, but at least they tried, from being about 12) so l can't complain. That's down to their mum and dad, though, not me. l don't even know what l'd do in that situation.

Obviously I don't know what your money situation is, but when I was old enough I had a "job book" everything had a value, e.g. washing dishes was 10p, washing the car £1... if I wanted pocket money I had to do things to earn it.

If it continues then only wash her school clothes and a couple of pairs of socks/pants, anything else she can beg for!

YANBU all of ours had to learn how to manage a home, how else will they learn.

As long as she is going it that's the main thing. Teenagers just have a sense of entitlement 😂