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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bar daughter's phone while abroad?

27 replies

MichelleC69 · 22/07/2019 09:02

So my 16 year old is in Florida with her dad. Told her specifically not to make phone calls/send texts etc and told her to switch off her data roaming, which she has done. Checked her account this morning and there are two phone calls to (or from) her dad's phone totalling up to about a tenner. I know it's only a small amount but am fuming as he's done this before whilst on holiday with her and refused to pay for the calls (he pays no maintenance, I pay for her phone and pretty much everything that she has!) I suspect it's him who has made the calls to her phone as she knows not to use it. So I called O2 and had them bar her phone from making or receiving phone calls until I ask them to unbar it! Am I being mean?

OP posts:
TillyTheTiger · 22/07/2019 09:06

Have you at least told her you've done this? What if they go off separately and she needs to get in touch with him?

Whitecandle · 22/07/2019 09:08

You'll never forgive yourself if she gets into a sticky situation and needs her phone for help.

At 16 you're more than old enough to know if you don't have a decent data roaming package, you aren't to use your phone unless it's an emergency IMO.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 22/07/2019 09:08

He can afford trips to Florida but can't afford maintenance? That's the most important part here, surely?

Purplejay · 22/07/2019 09:09

I wouldn’t block it no. What if they get separated and need to contact each other? What if there is an emergency?

Why does he pay no maintenance but can afford to go to Florida?

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 22/07/2019 09:09

Yes I've told her. They have WiFi all over the place so they can Facetime or Whatsapp call for free. He just doesn't think to do it if I'm footing the bill!

OP posts:
metallicbear · 22/07/2019 09:10

If she is 16 is there a chance she is off doing her own thing for a bit? Going shopping, going for a walk etc? If so could the calls be to arrange meeting up, updates where she is, in which case you could understand why they have happened. It doesn't sound like she is being irresponsible with it of there are only those calls with her Dad. It would be different if there were loads of texts to friends, lots of data charges etc.

Frustrating from a cost basis, especially if her Dad doesn't contribute, but personally I wouldn't bar the phone in case she needs it.

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 22/07/2019 09:14

He can afford trips to Florida but can't afford maintenance? That's the most important part here, surely?

That's really not what I was questioning but if you must know he pays school fees therefore no maintenance, but expects me to pay for EVERYTHING else, and I do mean everything. I don't see why I should have to foot the bill for her using her phone in the US when she's not with me. When I've challenged him on it before (last year) he just shrugs and says I'm being petty.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 22/07/2019 09:18

It's done now and it's sensible. I'd do exactly the same tbh.

SlothMama · 22/07/2019 11:24

I'd do the same, there's more than enough public wifi to make calls for free. If he doesn't want to contribute to the bill then that's the way he has to make calls, if he doesn't like it tough titties.

peachgreen · 22/07/2019 11:32

if you must know he pays school fees therefore no maintenance

Well, he does pay maintenance then - just through school fees rather than directly to you.

You're the bill payer so you can do what you link - but personally I'd worry that she wouldn't be able to get hold of someone in an emergency. Can you not just tell her not to answer the phone?

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 22/07/2019 11:33

if he doesn't like it tough titties.*

hahaha just waiting for the US to wake up as I've told him that's what I've done, he won't be happy but tough!

OP posts:
ddl1 · 22/07/2019 11:33

I wouldn't block it; no; in case she has a real emergency. Yes, in most places there will be other ways of making contact but... if something really goes wrong abroad it could be important to have instant communication of a sort with which she's familiar. If she was using the phone to ring/text all and sundry, I might feel differently; but if it's just her dad, I think the dangers and problems with a teenager abroad not having instant phone access outweigh those of her having it.

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 22/07/2019 11:39

Some of you have me doubting myself now but she hangs around with her step-sister and they both have phones - I'm sure that between the two of them they can manage to figure out a way to communicate in a real emergency.

She's only back a week and then away again in Kenya and Dubai so I really do feel like I have to nip this in the bud before I get a massive phone bill!

OP posts:
Treaclesweet · 22/07/2019 11:48

Lol it sounds like you can afford it, why cause her the trouble? Or did you just want to make a dig at your ex?

Sunshine93 · 22/07/2019 11:50

Doesn't she have an allowance. Could you take it from that?

I would worry about her safety.

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 22/07/2019 11:51

Lol it sounds like you can afford it, why cause her the trouble? Or did you just want to make a dig at your ex?

Not at all, I just don't appreciate him taking the piss. Last year when they were away he purposely used her phone to make a call rather than his own as he knows that I pay the bill and then refused to reimburse me for it. Whether I can afford it or not is not the issue (and you assume that because he's well off then it follows that I am too), but surely no one likes to be taken for a ride like that!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 22/07/2019 11:52

YANBU, if she's having to phone him whilst on holiday with him then he should cover the cost.

Does she get pocket money? Perhaps it's time she paid her own telephone bills even if it means you allocating her an extra X a month so she can learn to use it responsibly

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 22/07/2019 12:00

Yeah she does get pocket money, that's a good idea. But I don't give her a lot as I'm trying to encourage her to get a part time job, so she could easily wipe it out on a few calls at £2 per minute!

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 22/07/2019 12:03

Can you not put a limit on the phone while she is away, say for £20?

Original poster
MichelleC69 · 22/07/2019 12:04

Not according to O2 @19lottie82, called them this morning and the only option was to bar phone calls. Not helpful when it's a child's phone - you would think there would be more options for parental controls for the bill payer.

OP posts:
noenergy · 22/07/2019 12:08

Yes 02 should allow you to cap spending like many other networks, it would make life a lot easier than having to bar it.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/07/2019 12:15

so she could easily wipe it out on a few calls at £2 per minute!
Well the half way point would be to give her what you spend on average on her phone on top of her pocket money but make it clear if she doesn't pay her bill she will lose it

WhenOhWhenWillIThisBeOver · 22/07/2019 12:17

Can't she get a local SIM card to use while she's there?

Sosayi · 22/07/2019 12:24

If it’s a sim free phone or unlocked put a 3 SIM card in it
You get 12 gb of data and 3000 minutes /texts for 20 a month pay as you go
Works fine in the US not sure about the other places she’s off to but worth checking

stucknoue · 22/07/2019 12:33

Quickly look into a more suitable package and an old unlocked handset - being able to call/text in emergency is useful. I loaded £10 of credit for the USA and used it a few time even data (got lost in rental car!)