To not know how to stop toddler hurting baby

[WhenZogateSuperworm]

I have a 2.9 year old DS and a 4 month old DD. DS loves DD and can be very loving towards her. However he is a very boisterous toddler and will often “give her a cuddle” flatten her with his whole body, lean on her and push her. I don’t think he intends to hurt her, but he is very rough with her and no amount of explaining seems to be helping.

Does anyone have any advice on dealing with him when he does this? I try not to leave them alone together but it’s hard to even nip to the toilet without worrying. Even when I’m in the room he will go up to her and “tickle” rough her about.

New rules, he is only allowed to tickle her toes, anything else he has to go and sit on the naughty step (or something). Toddlers can and should learn what is not ok but they do struggle to control their strength so you have to put boundaries in place to mitigate mistakes
Can you make a safe space for the baby where he cant get to her, like a pack n play or putting a baby gate across and leave her in the kitchen while you nip to the loo

I had a similar gap and for a while I had to take one of them with me if I left the room. I think toddlers are too unpredictable to be left unsupervised.

I used a travel cot in the living area. If I had to go to loo / take rubbish out etc either baby or toddler went in travel cot so there was physical separation in my absence.....toddler just couldn't understand gentle... baby was about 10 months before I felt safe leaving them unsupervised for any time.

You need to just supervise very closely, I'd be taking 4 month old with me to the toilet. A friend of a friend recently had a terrifying experience of her 3 year old putting beads in the babies mouth and her finding him floppy and turning blue. It turned out OK but they were seconds away from catastrophe.

@Oysterbabe that just made me go all funny. Poor baby/person who found them

I’m in similar situation and I just don’t leave younger DC alone with my oldest now. My oldest isn’t quite two years old yet so they don’t understand what they are capable of. It’s a bit exhausting carting the younger DC around but I have had a few near misses when I’ve left the room for literally seconds so it’s worth it.

I have a 12 week old and a nearly 2 year old.
They do not get left in the same room for any amount of time anymore.
At first older DS was loving and playful and I didn't have any concerns at all, so I got a little comfortable. I popped upstairs to the toilet, before I'd even hit the top step I could hear younger DS crying. Ran back down to find his rocking chair upside down with him in it and screaming. Older DS had tipped it over.
No idea what his reasoning was, he might not even have any as hes so young. I genuinely don't think he was trying to hurt him, but he did.
Now older DS comes everywhere with me, you just cant risk it.
He's locked in the toilet with me when I need to go. He's on my hip when I take the bins out. He plays in the kitchen when i make his cereal.
No exceptions anymore. It only takes a couple seconds.

Don't leave them alone together.

I can keep them apart when I’m not in the room but that doesn’t stop him giving her a “big cuddle” squashing her or climbing in the bouncer chair with him. Obviously I'm there to grab him off straight away and tell him off but I need to know how best to discipline this as he doesn’t mean to hurt her.