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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not tell work 'stuff' because every time I've had to, they have used it against me?

10 replies

TravelByTrain · 22/07/2019 08:51

I'm feeling really pissed off this morning. I have name changed for this. I've been in this job about 10 years. I tried desperately hard to find another job this year and last year but there is just nothing that is in my field at the moment and as I'm a single parent with no support from my exh, it's important I stay in work.

when I got divorced from exh years ago, I didn't tell work as I knew that every little thing I did would be interpreted as 'she is affected by the divorce'. I told work about a year later as it was going through court and I had to take time off to go to the hearings and my boss said 'I knew there was something as your work had deteriorated'. It hadn't! Then every time there was a big project and a minor issue would come up I would get 'well it's clear you were distracted' except I wasn't! It was just normal work stuff.

on friday my dp was admitted as an emergency to hospital with a potentially fatal condition but he's fine and will recover. I have had to tell work today because there's a chance he will be operated on this afternoon. I've come in but will leave at lunch time. My boss has just said 'well that's too bad as I won't see you and you are working on this urgent project and now I'll have to give it to someone else. It was clear to me your eye wasn't on it'. Except it was...said urgent project I worked on all last week (and it's finished) except he didn't bother to speak to me about it. Today he's decided as I won't be in for one afternoon that he now wants to speak to me at exactly the time I won't be here. He could speak to me this morning or even this evening and I've said I will make myself available but he has now said he's handing the project to someone else, a man who has literally made my life unbearable at work and is trying to take my job.

One colleague at work said maybe he's trying to make me feel better by taking stress away and I could be misreading it but it doesn't feel like that! so AIBU to think next time I just won't bother to tell them anything? (for context, I am the only senior woman at work and I am surrounded by alpha males)

OP posts:
cranstonmanor · 22/07/2019 09:05

Next time first have a bad case of the shits. Most of these problems are solved/ can be worked around within days.

TravelByTrain · 22/07/2019 09:22

thanks, yes you're right, I should have done that!

OP posts:
MrsGideon · 22/07/2019 13:00

OP I think at this point I would involve HR if you can. Your manager is treating you unfairly and it would be best to keep a record of everything in case he tries to dismiss you

wineandroses1 · 22/07/2019 13:19

If the project is finished ask your idiot boss why he wants to hand it over to someone else. I would definitely talk to HR too. He sounds like a bully.

wineandroses1 · 22/07/2019 13:20

And do what MrsGideon suggests re keeping a record. Tribunals place a lot of value on contemporaneous notes.

Elliebellbell · 22/07/2019 13:28

It's always worth contacting your union for advice. If you're not in one, please join quickly and as others have said keep a timeline of everything.

TravelByTrain · 22/07/2019 14:25

thanks, glad you don't think I'm being over sensitive. I'll document all the incidents.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 22/07/2019 14:28

Have you told idiot boss the project is finished?

TravelByTrain · 22/07/2019 14:32

yes though in his mind, it's not finished till he says it is (!)

OP posts:
Oldraver · 22/07/2019 15:16

What did you say when he told you he was handover the project ?

That would of been the time to be assertive and tell him it was finished and certainly no need to hand (your hard work) over to someone else

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